22 January 2014


Boys before Friends - Episode 3 (A SnarkCap)

Posted by Kakashi Sensei on January 22, 2014
JoAnne: Hello, yes, it's true. We're going to stick it out. Slight change in the players. Maybe not as noticeable, say, as changing out actors, but then again, who knows. Anyway!  So glad you're joining us for what promises to be a slow, painful death. Drink up! And rejoice, for the mullet is gone.
kakashi: Yeah, we're still here. And we are really enjoying this show. Sure, we're crazy, but we already knew that. By the way, JoAnne, don't get too attached to the mulletless-guy. I'll tell you why later. Oh, and: We have started to call this show the USBoFiasco. 
Episode 3

JoAnne: So when you get a makeover it completely changes your dance style. Who knew?  I like to call this little sequence OMG Daddy if you don't let me have the new Prius I will HATE YOU.
kakashi: Yes, after her make-over, Zoey went into herself long and deep and then decided to stop doing female-itch dances. She now does VERY expressive dances. 
JoAnne: Apparently, Playa and Vaguely Asian Dude (VAD) have now decided they're best buds with New Zoey - I'm sorry, her name didn't change along with her face and style of dance, did it? - No? Good. It's important to have continuity. They want to meet New Zoey's friends but New Zoey ain't havin' it and the boys are left to insult each other like 5th graders. The sound is ok in this scene. I think it's because they saved money by not using  actual scenery.
kakashi: Wasn't there a lot of traffic background noise in this one? But in comparison to what we had before, this was indeed GOOD sound.
JoAnne: Right on cue, New Zoey's cute friends (well not RIGHT on cue, that would be expecting too much from them after they put their own money in and all ) show up to helpfully fill us in on the expensive class trip and name-drop famous Japanese movies to further solidify their credentials in the manga/manhwa genre. And the Walking Dead have names. Nikki (guessing she's Stripper Barbie), Krissy (Airhead) and Jessica (Ms. Weave). I'm probably wrong. No one really cares. Anyway. No to the expensive class trip, yes to a time-share voucher for a beach house. Half a beach house. Also: See the boys up there? Yep. You know what's next.
kakashi: So, I have started to watch the Korean BoF the other day. Yes, I did. And you know what? I was REALLY surprised how good it is! At least in comparison to this. 
JoAnne: I think they're dancing to that weird little musical flute-y thing that they use now and then. It's growing on me. I know this signals the coming of the Fourth Horseman, but I'm helpless.
kakashi: Let me warn you again, JoAnne, do not get attached. Because ... are you sure these people will be in the next episodes?!
JoAnne: And there you go. With one phone call to one person, Liam has rearranged the entire class trip. Hawaii is out, Malibu is in.  
JoAnne: The girls arrive at a lovely home which is, problematically for a beach house, nowhere near an actual beach. The girls all flop around quite happily and discuss taking surf lessons from Brad, as if Angelina would let them within 10 feet. And then, of course, the boys show up. I guess Liam bought the time-share company? 
kakashi: Right. A question: has it ever been established that Liam is EXTREMELY rich? I guess we are to assume that because that's how the story goes, but we have NEVER seen him at his house etc. Maybe it's because of the limited budget. 

JoAnne: Playa's hot for Cupcake and VAD likes Cool Chick. Liam is thrilled one of them knows his name because it means New Zoey talks about him. F4 (well F3, one is missing right now) and Z3 declare a truce for the week, and Cool Chick threatens Liam, but forgets her lines so just randomly says the words 'dead bodies' then shakes her head and cringes in embarrassment. Us too, Cool Chick. Us too.
kakashi: The sound is alright though. As is the light. Good move to go film in just one place, which happens to be inside
JoAnne: It all looks quite promising and then (dun dun DUN) The Walking Dead show up. So if Z3 has half the time-share and F4 has half the time share... hmm. It's a big house. There must be 3 halves. These women are so awful at acting that I feel my own IQ dipping dangerously low whenever they appear. And now the MINIONS show up, too. How many halves must a half-share have if a half-share must share halves?
kakashi: I always assumed they deliberately acted really badly and dumb. Don't tell me I was wrong? 
JoAnne: Later, New Zoey is sitting in her room listening to the theme song when Second Lead shows up. He was waiting for an un-named girl, but doesn't seem too concerned over her lateness. In the mean time, he and New Zoey can bond over music so indie no one has ever heard of it. They eventually share headphones, at which point we are able to see a tortured, lovesick Liam watching from the door.
kakashi: He is waiting for his Model GF, of course. He also is the king of derp-faces. I made so many screencaps of them! I will show them to you, JoAnne, if you ever come visit. But be warned - you will maybe die laughing.  
JoAnne: Meanwhile downstairs, Playa is making drinks and flirting with Cupcake while VAD and the Cool Chick play with the Wii.
kakashi: All these scenes are looooooong and completely uninteresting. 
JoAnne: Everything's good until VAD tries some home-made psychoanalysis on Cool Chick and rattles her cage a little bit. You know that side eye means he's gonna get some, eventually.
kakashi: Seriously. I think my 5 year old could write a better script than this! 
JoAnne: Doofus is SOOO jealous.
kakashi: And jealous Doofus acts like a 6 year old. He's kinda cute, right?
JoAnne: I'm going to ignore the bits with the Walking Dead because I cannot even with those girls, but Ms. Weave has amazing legs. We should give credit where credit is due.
kakashi: Oh yes. I also admired her body when she way lying there at the pool (that's kinda like the ocean, right?) in her high heels. 
JoAnne: New Zoey and Liam have a moment. That's all it is, really. There's a brief moment where she says he's not so bad and he smiles like he's 4 and then I think he ruins it again because he's a doofus and we can't get to the part where she loves him too quickly. What, and waste all the lovely dramatic TENSION? No way.
kakashi: Hey, I have an idea. Why not make a drama that has 16 episodes, but in which absolutely nothing happens for most of the time? Oh wait ... 
JoAnne: New Zoey and Second Lead have a Meaningful Chat outside, one of many to come. I don't actually like him, and I do like Doofus Liam, so it's hard to muster up the interest to talk about it, but basically in this one he defends his buds as 'not that bad/misunderstood.'
kakashi: I don't like him either. He just puts me to sleep. Awful line delivery, too. But THAT line made me lol. That's all he can come up with? "You know, he's not that bad?" Buahahaha. 
JoAnne: Back in the house, we have more bonding and misunderstanding over cupcakes than any one person should ever have to sit through in one lifetime.
kakashi: This is supposed to be full of tension, of course. We all know Cupcake has a boyfriend. And now there is Playa that tempts her. So ... tension. 
JoAnne: Everyone's getting closer, but poor Liam just keeps putting his foot in it with New Zoey. Even Airhead is like, 'DAMN, son.'
kakashi: Yeah. This is kinda like when we went on school trips? When I was 15? Everybody in a house, lots of flirting with the other sex, sometimes kissing. Feels exactly the same. So friggin immature.  
JoAnne: What follows next is probably one of the most adorable things I've seen in the last 5 minutes. (Actually probably in a while.) Liam is outside the door of New Zoey's room practicing his apology speech. The actor is all kinds of cute and Liam is every bit as awkward and dumb and nervous as he looks in that gif right there, so of course I have fallen completely in love. It's all for nothing though, his practice, because New Zoey's not there. Why?  Because of what comes next.
kakashi: Alright. Here comes the truth: I also liked him here. It isn't love (because I don't love as easily as JoAnne), but I suddenly noticed that he is kinda cute when he's shy and awkward. But ... now the big BUT. I will now tell you JoAnne that this guy is NO LONGER PART OF THE CAST! They fired him. He's gone.  
JoAnne: Now we've come to the part where the Second Lead is a clueless asshole. New Zoey and SL have a vague conversation about feelings where it is entirely possible and likely for the girl to misunderstand a self-absorbed douchebag of a guy, and - who really has grass all the way around a pool like that?
kakashi: Here, we are to realize that Zoey is totally into him (I think?) and believes he is talking about her? 
JoAnne: Liam hears the Walking Dead talking about how New Zoey has a thing for Second Lead and how she's such a slut for him and all that and he rushes off to confront her with these immortal words: Is it true? Is it true that you do secret things with Second Lead? I want to do secret things with you TOO. Yes. That's really what he says. I'd slap him too, just for being such a 6 year old.
kakashi: But lines like these are the reason I will be very sad if this show will not deliver the 16 episodes it promised to deliver. 
JoAnne: Upset, New Zoey heads downstairs to meet up with Second Lead - they're supposed to go do something bathing suit-y - only to find him all smooched up on some new girl. This is his girlfriend, the famous model, the one New Zoey knew nothing about. She's a sweetie, of course, so you can't even hate her. Just him, because he's a douchebag. Now...you have to understand that I loathed Gu Jun Pyo with all my heart and I worshiped Jihoo Sunbae with every fiber of my being: so if I hate Douchebag Second Lead, that's REALLY saying something about how terribly they've characterized these people.
kakashi: Yeah, it was similar for me; cute orange haired Jihoo ... awwwwwww. In my current BoF rewatch, I really feel sorry for Gu Jun-pyo though. I'm probably going soft at my old age.
JoAnne: Everyone decides to go to the club down the street because why not?  It's a house just chock full of pheromones and hatred, so sure, let's drink and dance and do things we'll regret in the morning.
kakashi: Yeah. "Dance..."
White people dancing.  No.

JoAnne:  Oh yeah, the Senator's Son. His dream is to open half-way houses in every city in the world for children who have been the victims of human trafficking. Half way through, you see New Zoey die of boredom. When he finishes talking she says 'yeah, dude, I gotta go get some air.'  He offers to come with, and she tells him 'nope, I got this, you stay put.'  You have not got a snowball's chance in hell, Senator's Son.
kakashi: Yes, he is totally and secretly in LOVE with Zoey. He also is a wonder-weapon: he kills with boredom.

JoAnne: These two, honestly. Isn't she supposed to break up with him right at the beginning, thus paving the path for the Sacred Love Triangle? All that kissing does not look very breaking up-ish to me.
kakashi: The one thing these actors seem good at it kissing. But hey! Better one thing than nothing!! 
JoAnne: New Zoey mopes over the kissing that is not happening to her. Liam is cute and nice.
kakashi: Yeah. She's actually crying. She was REALLY into Second Lead. I think she wanted his babies.  
JoAnne: He begs her to move away from the ugly wallpaper before it comes to life and she disappears into the maze forever, never to be heard from again. Plus, he'd like to dance.
JoAnne: Everybody starts kissing!
kakashi: Yes, because the DJ tells them too. How old are you, 12?! 
JoAnne: Yes, everybody. I guess when you know someone for 3 minutes, a broken heart only has to last for 30 seconds or so?
kakashi: What we do not know is this: The kiss they share is deadly. Both of them will die. And that is why we will have TWO new actors from episode 5 onwards. IF that episode 5 ever happens, that is. Yes, you heard correctly: There will be a Third Zoey and a Second Liam.  

JoAnne: Well. Viki commenters to the contrary, this has NOT gotten better. It is deliriously bad and I love it to pieces. I am developing serious fondness for Liam, dammit. New Zoey isn't bad, and she probably is a better fit for the rest of the cast, but I liked Old Zoey and I miss her. See you next week! 
kakashi:So, this is what I got from their Facebook page. The Old Zoey was fired because "there was a lack of chemistry between Claude and the other actors". Huh? The Second Zoey and First Liam were kicked out because "they made a choice that would have stopped the production and we made a choice to go ahead without them". Oh, interesting. Cause the actor himself (@JosephAlmani) has a different story to tell ... he tweets: "My management did not like the level of professionalism on set. I was asked to leave when they voiced concerns." Oh dear. They FIRED him because he dared suggest this fiasco is unprofessional? Whatever the truth, I guess we will have to get ready for many more changes in the cast. If they even get beyond 5 episodes. Cause they are ALSO running out of money. I don't know whether to laugh or cry? 

Oh. This, by the way, is the trailer for episode 4: http://vimeo.com/boysbeforefriends/review/84695075/72878f75d7

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