15 August 2014


Fall In Love With (Both Of) Me - Episode 17 (A SqueeCap)

Posted by CM Shukmeister on August 15, 2014
Shuk:  Ah, the Truck of Doom. Too bad it became the Unicycle of Apathy. The show has slowed down like the locked-up brakes on a 1981 Chevy on a levee. Could someone get me some caffeine? It might make me care a bit more.
JoAnne: Leo picks the MOST wrong time to finally take some action.


Shuk:  Wheely is surprised enough to stand up out of her wheelchair as the horn blares on the vehicle bearing down on her.  A shout from PD Leo has her glancing nervously back, then subsiding back into her conveyance with every expectation of a tire mark across her face.  SuperLeo manages to hug her but do little else. Fortunately, the truck stops in time. Boo!
JoAnne: Please explain to me what the FFFF is the good of standing in the path of the truck, but with your arms around the woman to protect her, Leo? Are you a cement wall? No, you are not. Are you a crash barrier? You certainly do not look sturdy enough. I think he wasted all his brainpower being thoughtful, Shuk, so now he can't be SMART.
Shuk:  Later, Leo thinks over the scene. Then thinks some more.
JoAnne:  Thank GOD.  I was really counting on that.
Shuk:  His eyes narrowed a bit during his Think Think Time. That's a nice change.

Shuk:  At NewOZ, Bangs is upset at PDLeo’s defection to TX, and all but calls him a Traitor McTraitorson. Wang Chung tries to diffuse the sitch, but ultimately Bangs leaves the office, closely pursued by Chalk Girl. Outside she gives him the pep talk; they need work for money to buy back OZ, etc. etc. He’s calm by the time Helen shows up. It’s a mark of how unhappy he is when he barely registers Helen’s presence.
JoAnne:  Does he have on the shoes?  Perhaps he can't see her face.
Shuk:  Sexy receives a text from Chalky asking for a snogging session. Well, really just a meetup under a bridge trestle. They share cupcakes, and Sexy murmurs that Dork was happiest baking with Chalk Girl. There’s a bit of cuddle time and a promise to always stay in each other’s hearts.
JoAnne:  Share cupcakes.  Always use a cupcake wrapper, folks.

Shuk:  My, my, Toady’s drinking whisky or rye.  PsychoMom shows up, worried about his drinking.  He point-blank asks her if she really would have signed the company over to Tian Xing, but she blows it off as a ploy to keep him chained to the family. After she leaves, he thinks about the day when Tian Xing will be his brother in law.
JoAnne: *singing* This will be the day that I die
Shuk:  The NewOZGang discusses the Filming Of The Engagement. Since they are also doing a video montage, PDLeo suggests using the onsen pictures to start.
JoAnne:  Oh, someone is finally going to look at the pictures that could have solved the entire mess two weeks ago?

Shuk:  Bangs is alone and going through the photos when Sexy arrives.  Tian Xing glances over his shoulder, and immediately sees the gift shop photo with Huan Huan standing in the background.  He offers Bangs to leave early, and once, he’s gone, he zooms in the photo to confirm what he saw.  Yes, poor baby, they've been lying to you the whole time.
JoAnne: I think he'd feel better if he took off his shirt. Oh wait, no, that's me.
Shuk: Chalk Girl makes it home, only to find The Enemy Within. PsychoMom has stopped by to personally invite the Tao family to the engagement, and to warn Tao Zi not to spread her legs for an engaged man anymore. TaoMom is ready to give her a smackdown, but Chalk Girl stops her. Sharp pointy barbs delivered, the Lidiot matriarch leaves with a self-satisfied smile.
JoAnne: Chalky, if you're any kind of woman at all, you will go give that man a happy ending in the middle of the Lidiot living room.
Shuk:  In the LuLexus, Sexy looks at the print of the photos, and relives the behaviors and words of the entire Li family. His face twists up when he realizes how he has been manipulated.  His twisty thoughts are interrupted by PDLeo.
JoAnne:  All thoughts lead to Leo.  All thoughts stem from Leo. Leo is the nexus of thought.
Shuk:  They meet at a café, and share information agreeing that Huan Huan is able to walk. PDLeo was planning on discovering the truth during the current ad campaign with Wheelie as the actress. They both agree they are using their own way to protect Tao Zi.  Hey boys, by your powers combined, you would be more effective!
JoAnne:  What is Aaron's power, other than being sexy?

Shuk:  Sexy and Chalk Girl meet up in the park.  They both say they are alright, but clearly that’s not the truth as they hug.  Sexy warns her that he is taking a gamble that will either free them or trap them forever, and asks her to silently support him no matter what.  She nods as they squeeze a little closer.
JoAnne: Not even enough room between them for one of Leo's thoughts.
Shuk:  Toady and Wheelie talk about the upcoming engagement, and Lance promises he will do everything in his power to get her all the stuff she has ever wanted ever.
JoAnne: Blah blah selfish blah blah delusional blah blah boring.

Shuk:  NewOzGang shows up to the engagement party in the Mystery Machine, and start setting up the equipment.  Sexy is tying on his choke chain cravat and prepping for the big show, after a glance at the incriminating photograph. Chalky and PDLeo discuss camera placement. PsychoFam shows up, all smiley and complimentary and crap like that.
JoAnne: Why is there never a truck of doom when you WANT one?
Shuk:  PsychoMom is worried that she hasn't see her slave-in-law yet, and Toady has a big frowny face at his mother’s behavior. PsychoDau is giddy.
JoAnne: is bleeding from the eyeballs with boredom. We get it. They're nuts. He's trapped. DO SOMETHING.

Shuk:  The consultants are putting the finishing touches on Huan Huan when Tian Xing barges in, and asks them to leave for a moment.  He invokes a childhood game where nothing but the truth is spoken between two people, and flat-out asks her: are you healed?  Mom and Toady come into the room just when Tian Xing is calling Wheelie a liar.
JoAnne: Dare I hope...

Shuk:  Chalk Girl and PDLeo burst in when they hear Sexy demanding that she stand up.  He’s waving the onsen photograph, and Mom and Lance realize they've been caught. Mom goes on the attack, but Sexy is having none of it, since the whole damn family is lying just to back him into a corner.
JoAnne: I'm feeling the stirrings of hope...
Shuk:  Wheelie interrupts before things get any more heated, and calmly offers to go to a doctor of Tian Xing’s choice to be evaluated. Okay, what are you doing? She invites Chalky to come along, acting sad that there is no trust between her and her intended.  In fact, she invites everyone, since they all must have doubts and a marriage should be built on trust.  So, forcing the marriage is okay, but not if the grooms has doubts of your honesty?
JoAnne: Well, if you think about it, THEY are being very honest about the fact that they don't give a shit how he feels...

Shuk:  The engagement party is cancelled, and they all head straight to the hospital. Huan Huan undergoes a battery of tests, from an MRI to a patellar reflex test. The verdict?  Her medical problem is not only unimproved, but the motor reflexes in her legs have degenerated. Whiny just stares steadily at Tian Xing as the news is absorbed by everyone in the room.
JoAnne: Yeah, wow, wasn't expecting that, exactly.  However, that doesn't mean it's a good surprise, Show. Even in the sense of good surprise being something bad for someone.
Shuk: Once outside, PsychoMom immediately plays victim. Whiny asks Tian Xing if it was that hard to fall in love with her, given her great and true love for him. Lance just glares. Whiny continues blah blah, look what I’ve given up, blah blah, tears, let’s not get married.
JoAnne:  Walk away.  Do it.  Now!  Fast!  Oh, you idiot.

Shuk:  PsychoMom all but physically yanks Chalk Girl out of the room.  Out of earshot of the rest of the group, she heaps the blame of the last 11 episodes entirely on Tao Zi’s shoulders.  Chalk Girl asks PsychoMom if she ever asked Tian Xing how he wanted to live his own life, but the older woman is convinced she knows best. Now that Chalky is there, he can no longer be the head of TX and a internationally-recognized scion. And since he can’t be, let’s just go ahead and ruin him to nothing. Oh, and kill OZ. PsychoMom finishes her tirade with a gloating, “Scared? Good!”
JoAnne:  This woman needs medication and the regular and enthusiastic application of boot leather to her posterior.
Shuk: There is no joy in PsychoHouse, even though everyone is eating. Lance offers to take Huan Huan to another specialist, but she refuses and calls her wheelchair-bound life “no big deal”.  We get a flashback: Our recently-ineffectual Butler Fu takes Whiny to her physical therapy, but she sends him away and, once he’s gone, simple trundles away from the appointment.
JoAnne:  It's going to be the wrong wife-eu!  Why, Fu?
Shuk:  In DorkHouse (which I thought PsychoMom took back, but whatev), Sexy contacts Wang Chung looking for a mysterious “Mr. Lung”, as well as some sort of corporate intel. He can’t seem to think as well as PD Leo.
JoAnne:  He needs to be looking for Mr. BALLS.
Shuk:  Whiny is thinking too, but since all her oars aren't the water, I have no idea what direction they are taking. As she dumps her current meds into the black Happy Box, Tian Xing opens the door.  The pills go flying but she leaves them on the floor. He glances at them but goes back to the task at hand – to share breakfast and take her to her physical therapy.  She’s happy with the food but doesn't want to do her session, since it doesn't seem to help. He lets it slide and apologizes for everything that went down during the engagement party. He also reminds her that she promised to do her best to recover.  Her face looks mulish before shuttering into that sugary smiley look.  She now wants to go to Tao House.
JoAnne:  Put your foot down about this at LEAST, Tian Xing.  
Shuk: At Tao House, the elders are cleaning when PDLeo shows up to talk to Chalk Girl about the upcoming OZBusiness.  About that time, Tian Xing and Whiny show up, and Whiny is now very willing for TaoMom to touch her legs and see what she can do. She also uses the chance to insult the entire Tao family. Someone needs to wheel her back into traffic and set the brake this time. Tao Zi interrupts her rant; even if she was the one who fell down the cliff that day, she still wouldn't use her condition to trap someone into a dead-end relationship.
JoAnne:  Don't you find it hilarious how every single time, Huan Huan acts surprised to learn that Tian Xing doesn't want her? It's like every day she gets put back to the factory settings, but we accidentally bought for Region 1 and we needed Region 2 - so nothing works no matter how much you fiddle with it.

Shuk:  Outside Tao House, Whiny asks Tian Xing if he believes she is using her medical condition as a weapon.  He replies hell, yes. Maybe she finally feels bad when she realizes that he wouldn't be there except for PsychoFam’s evil machinations. Nope, she smiles and calls herself lucky to be able to perform such an act.
JoAnne:  I may just punch the next wheel-chair bound person I see.

Shuk: The Tao elders agree that Huan Huan is a few fries short of a Happy Meal. Tao Mom decides they need to fight for their daughter’s happiness with what resources they have as well. Su Su Fighting!
JoAnne:  Their resources?  Error 404:  Page Not Found
Shuk: Whiny is having a hysterical screaming temper tantrum in her room, and nobody thinks to slap her. (oh someone is, trust me) Downstairs, PsychoMom has a chat with Tian Xing. She acts all fakey-concerned about the TaoParents. Tian Xing quietly tells PsychoMom that this isn't the happy Huan Huan they grew up with. Blame him, but he won’t ever love her like a husband should. The PsychoFam needs to wake up and believe this marriage will not make anyone happy, but he will take one for Team Lu, whom he considers his family. Mom is floating down DeNial River.
JoAnne: Her too. Her too. She has a moment where she sees reality, but then she runs back into cotton candy fluff land.

Shuk:  As Sexy ascends the stairs to DorkHouse, he’s met by the TaoParents. Even though they feel powerless in this situation, they still have an idea. They confirm that he really loves their daughter and offer a proposal:  the two of them should just run away together and leave Taiwan. It’s clear that this Occam’s Razor never sliced through his mind as he nods and smiles.
JoAnne:  Well FFFF me running because it never entered mine, either.

Shuk:  I feel like a hamster on a treadmill; lots of scurrying around but we are still on the same wheel.   No real developments, no real tension, just an irrational infant and a hot man with blonde roots. Did we learn anything new in this episode?
JoAnne:  Thoughtful Leo might be preferable to Action Leo?
Or even a sexy Leo?
Shuk:  As we are down to the final three episodes, I feel like sitting in the back seat of the Mystery Machine saying, “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”
JoAnne:  Oh good, because I need to punch SOMEBODY.
Shuk: [ducks and tries to negotiate]  How about another shirtless pic? Would that make you feel better?

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