13 October 2016


Shine or Go Crazy - What Really Happened (An Alternative Ending)

Posted by SakiVI on October 13, 2016
kakashi: Some people go crazy over a certain Wolf right now (*waves to JoAnne*), while other people still think that the drama featuring the same guy last year should have done much better. The best way to get over an unsatisfactory ending is to rewrite it yourself. Saki, the floor is yours.

SakiVI: Once upon a time, Princess YeoWon, over here,
was stuck married to a weirdo half-brother because of rules regarding caste systems and keeping property in the family.
That half-brother, Wang So&So, was in turn in love with the Last Princess of Balhae,
and he was always yelling her name, Gaebong! Gaebongah! And he'd leave to have tea with her every day while his wife's tea went cold. This made Yeowon's tea taste bad, and her be mad.
Tea for one is just not the same as tea for two
So&So's love for Gaebong, more commonly known as the last Bob of Balhae, was so well-known, that their couple name was SoBob.  Popular gossip rag Goryeoboo even made regular clickbait lists such as Bob's Ten Best Outfits, and Balhae's Ten Best Girl-To-Boy Switches Before Disappearing Off The Peninsula, and Who Wore It Best, Bob or Elf Prince Wook.
Cheating husbands aside, Princess YeoWon certainly didn’t care much about Balhae, its princesses or other whatnots. There were other things to consider.
Consider this.
But Princess YeoWon did care about being Queen of Goryeo.  And this was a laudable goal because Goryeo was a new kingdom and it needed someone bright, shining, and totally gorgeous just like Honey Lee,
oops, I mean, Princess YeoWon as a Visual, and, more precisely, as a cold-blooded ruler for the kingdom who would set an example in cold-blooding ruling for future generations.

Princess YeoWon thought hard how to become Queen.
“If I make Wang So, that weirdo mountain man, into my Prince Consort Slash Main Squeeze, then I’ll be Queen only until he deposes me for that Balhae Bob,” she said to herself.  

At this point, SeWon, the Handsome Bodyguard, showed up.  And he was handsome.  (If you don’t believe me, look at the picture right below.  See?  Handsome.)
And lo! SeWon said to YeoWon, “My love, our names rhyme, and I have a nice, long, wobbly sword,
and I will protect you and support you no matter who else thinks they have my allegiance like these two other Wangs who keep hanging around.
So, how about you, me, and some honey under the full moon, then?” 
Princess Yeowon said, “I would like some honey under the moon with you, O Handsome SeWon.
 But what should we do about So&So and Balhae Bob?”
SeWon said, “Divorce So&So.  This endogamous caste system is overrated and will probably cause hemophilia in later generations anyway. You, me and the wobbly sword can take over Goryeo.” 

“Call!” said Princess YeoWon.  She packed up So&So’s things, sent them to the trading company where Balhae Bob, like all exiled royals of dead kingdoms, was holding down a job.
Princess YeoWon also attached the divorce paper with a note, “Drink all the tea you want with Balhae Bob, I’m outtie. P.S. You owe me for all the clothes, gear, and food and the entire gisaeng house bill for the last 5 years."
So&So shrugged, bit on his thumb and sealed the divorce paper with his own blood, because that’s how mountain men roll, and went back to tea with Balhae Bob.
Or, more precisely, he would’ve gone back to tea with Balhae Bob, but now she was working three extra jobs just to pay off pay off So&So's debts, including the latest gisaeng house bill. So, So&So ended up back on the mountain to pick up some wild boar and tigers to sell to pay for a night out with the lads.
YeoWon and SeWon said, “That’s done, and we're outside Goryeo's First Marriage Must Be Arranged By The King rule, so off we go to the nearest Buddhist priest.”
They announced to the kingdom, “We Got Married!” and became known by the couple name, TwoWon.
Next, just to tie up loose ends, when Balhae Bob and So&So were drinking tea together, SeWon and a bunch of his buddies in red killed them and the other people at the trading company, took all the land and goods, (Author's Note: later, governments called this eminent domain) and set up YeoWon as Goryeo Supreme Kween. Thus, TwoWon lived happily ever after, all gorgeous and rich. 

The End. 

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