The Weasel Grave 鬼吹灯之黄皮子坟 - Episode 5 (Recap)

SakiVI: In which people talk a lot, there's a mysterious map, woooooo, and the man-bear changes hands.
kakashi: Maybe it's because it's been ages, but I really liked this episode! 
Trotwood: Pfft. it's been ages.
Life happened. Sorry.
I didn't mean you. I meant that the only reason Kakashi would like this episode is because it's been ages. It was slow. You are NOT slow.
JoAnne: Well she is slow, but no one minds at all.

Episode 5

We are back at our fabulous opening credits that always help me forget how revolting I find our lead boys, and, if Katherine and Alina and Babel Subs are reading this, thank you so much for subbing this show, yay!
Subs for any C-Drama are a blessing these days. 
I know J, is going to make some snarky comment, but the cinematography is so lovely in this that I feel badly for the work when the script is so awkward at best. One odd thing I do love is how crisp everything is and how cold they really must be because you can see their breath when they speak even on the inside and the detail of the windburn on their cheeks. This is really what your skin starts looking like when you are that exposed to extreme cold and sun without proper moisturization. 
I'm not, because it's usually the thing I find good to say myself, too. The light in this show is gorgeous. Whatever filter they use, it makes what should be a pretty hard-scrabble place look magical. I also like the way they handle sound - it feels, I don't know, 'removed' somehow.

Moving on to the show itself, our Scoobies are waiting for Huamei to get better. She ate a-bear-gall. But what else could a gal do, but bear with it? Her fever is gone, and she needs rest, according to Yanzi. Next, they wonder what to do with the man-bear criminal. For now, they will lock him up and wonder how to spend their work points.
I thought they were all about candy?

Hu Bayi is busy being all mysterious, wooooo, and staring out the window.
He's weasled. 
I'm trying to care, but all I can think about is how he seems self absorbed when he has no right to be.
He is so full of himself.
I really do not see that at all. I see a guy who believes in the modern, believes in the State - someone who is completely disconnected from his true cultural past and is now trying to process new information about his family and himself that maybe doesn't fit in with what he's been telling himself for years. It's a big shift - and within the context of this story, it has far-reaching implications.
Huamei coughs. She is almost better and is now totally unpossessed. Hu Bayi looks at her while Fatty talks about something useless (does he ever do anything else?), and then Hu Bayi goes off to rest. The village looks really pretty at night, all those red streamers and while snow.
Yes, they're now at the village, which confused me a little, but indeed, the red stripes on those white trees are beautiful.
Everything is so pretty. I think they are trying to distract us because nothing is really happening.
You make a good point. It's probably also a message: 'Look how lovely life was because of the workers and the Revolution.'
We next see Hu Bayi looking at this leather package. He remembers he is a Mojin Xiaowei and is all sewious while sewiously looking at his pwetty compass. He remembers how he is supposed to know the feng shui knowledge of Mojin officers and feels all purposeful.
Fondle the compass, it'll all come back to you is the message. 
I'm smiling here, but only because of you guys and because that compass is breathtakingly beautiful.
It's really amazing workmanship, isn't it?

Cut to the daytime, and Fatty at the supply store chatting to the lady behind the desk. She seems rather taken with him. Fatty tells her they got the weasel at the Weasel Grave. (Sidebar: that upsets me because I wanted the weasel rescued. It happened off-screen, how convenient) Fatty buys his candy. Well, no, he GETS it for the weasel! Exchange! He takes off his coat, and the shop lady seems to think he's stripping off for her amusement, but is shocked that it's during the day. But Fatty just wants his candy wrapped in his coat, and not in Kraft paper, pffft.
Oh, I thought she thought she'd be getting hanky panky. 
The length of this scene makes no sense. It just made me more annoyed than anything that he is in town bragging and getting candy. Also. Why would he want to put the candy in his coat? That makes no sense. Also, he could probably use the wrapping paper for something later. Why pass up the opportunity to get free supplies? Pfft.
Exactly. I always save wrapping paper, and it's always useful later on.
He's stupid. He wants the candy in his coat so he's not obviously carrying a package and thus at risk for being robbed. Because it wouldn't look weird to be carrying your coat in a lumpy bundle rather than wearing it in that freezing weather, of course. Should have just asked for the candy to be wrapped in a couple smaller packages (Bonus: more paper for the future!) and stuffed those in various pockets, undetected.
Yanzi wakes up Hu Bayi. He's fallen asleep at his desk from brooding. They go off to get Fatty, and Yanzi tells him that eating candies from catching weasels means the weasels will take revenge. So it's okay to GET the candies, but not eat them? They arrive at the farm where the man-bear is hung up by his hands (why? He could just be tied up normally. It's called Dramatic Effect). Qiaoshan shows them some gold he found on the man-bear (yes, I know it's a man, but man-bear is just easier to say compared to remembering this minor character's name). The gold is super pure, and apparently came from the bear's stomach. Bayi says a bear wouldn't eat gold, but the man-bear says that this is the biggest secret of Mt. Tuan. He then gets all mysterious, woooooo (but it really doesn't work because his cheeks are so chubby), and says, "White tiger descends to the plain. Gold Dragon lands on the mountain. To find the treasures' hideout, where no one has ever come back..." and then he sniggers.
And yet, I kind of like this character. 
They are taking far too much time to decide what they are going to do about him. This delay is dangerous.
I thought maybe that's because they are in the middle of nowhere.
I figured it was to help drag out the story.
Qiaoshan says this little poem of the man-bear's reminds him that a shining gold dragon hid many years ago on Mt. Tuan. Okay, then.
Is that you, Mo Yuan? (A little joke that only I get, but I don't mind)
You need to pay the price with a Jaehyo picture.
God no.
Cut to a bell in bright light and a bunch of miners. They're all excited they'll get some treasure. But the bell rings urgently. They lift up the basket, and the miners who went down earlier are dead. Except one woke up. And they dropped him and the others. Also, what's with the foreman's skin? Doesn't matter much, because some fire shoots out of the mine shaft, and the mountain crumbles around them, and red dust is everywhere, and yeah, they're all dead. Quite violently dead.
Squashed by the mountain. I liked this scene. It was spooky. 
I liked this scene because people die, crushed by boulders no less. Don't judge me. 
I won't judge you but I'll always stand very near to you, just in case.
Back to Qiaoshan saying the gold dragon flew away, the gold dragon who looked quite red and that some miners died, but some escaped. Okay, we need survivors to say what happened. He continues, saying the Japanese moved into the area and searched for the gold vein for over half a year, but they didn't find anything. Fatty is confused because gold can't just run away. Hu Bayi mumbles that the dragon doesn't really exist in the mountains, but it conceals its true self in the plains. Sure, yeah, whatever. Huamei looks confused too.
And Yanzhi (spelling?) says that ginseng runs around so why can't gold. So funny. 
Yanzi. And don't you think maybe Qiaoshan was one of those miners?
I'm not going to watch this again.
Then, Bayi says, as he looks at the map, waters ahead, peak behind, mountains on both sides, this land is full of treasures. Must be tomb-related feng shui. Qiaoshan is impressed. Bayi strokes the map and sees some writing, but Qiaoshan takes the map away. Bayi asks for another look, but Qiaoshan says it's too old a map, and outdated.
Oh, secrets! Mystery! 
But if he knows about Bayi's true heritage, why is he surprised when he's picking up on these kinds of things and figuring out clues?
To cue us to be all amazed.
Like us, he assumes that Bayi is mostly ignorant in the ways of his ancestors. Honestly, I don't think Bayi even realizes how much he knows, but it's coming to him now. I imagine a little boy steeped in his grandfather's lore, not even realizing he's learning things, and then forgetting he even knew them in the first place (or didn't realize what something meant at the time.) He's putting the pieces together just now.
Fatty wonders why they have to bother with a map when Bayi knows geomancy, and Bayi says mining gold belongs to geological prospecting which is not the same thing as geomancy. But Qioashan just says, it's all underground, so it's all the same thing. I'm inclined to agree with Qiaoshan. (Sidebar: will this episode ever end? I had vaguely remembered a cute weasel dance, but doesn't look like we will see it here if all we do is talk about maps and geomancy and gold.)
Might have been around here that I checked to see how much longer the episode was and thought, what? Only 14 minutes have passed? 
Like I said. Nothing really happened. I check time left a lot.
I took a 3 hour nap in the middle so overall it seemed pretty quick to me.

Bayi then asks if the gold vein accords with the geomantic landscape. Qiaoshan said that back then, whenever that was, (I got a bit bored, and forgot) the miners were worried about weasel fairies, so they pooled money to consult a geomantic master. Then they built a temple above the gold vein. They worshipped it (the temple?) every day, until it was buried by a landslide.
The weasel gold. 
Thank goodness you remembered this because I think my mind went to exercise itself here and I missed this part.
This must have been where I started that nap. Why I started that nap, too.
Bayi says if they find the temple, they can find the gold vein, and that is what the man-bear was searching for on Mt. Tuan. Qiaoshan rather generously says the village could do with the gold they find, and Yanzi promises dumplings every day! (I'd go into the mountains for gold if I were promised homemade dumplings every day. Just being honest) Every day, people! Can they be those purse-shaped dumplings that are full of soup, some days? Qiaoshan says Bayi has the skillz (we can use z for him, or isn't he skilled enough?) to find the temple, though Bayi demurs. (I'm so excited I got to use "demur." It's just fun.) Fatty tells Bayi to have more confidence.
I am so happy you brought back "skillz". He isn't quite Foye level though. 
That is fosure.

Cut to the village store. The three Yuckies arrive demanding cigarettes and wine, but the store owner won't serve them, and tells them to get away. They don't have money for buying. One of them tries to flirt with her, and she just points out their debts. Apparently, they have bought goods on credit and not paid yet.
How can they be so gross and yet so confident. It amazes me when I see people like this.
There are so many so gross and yet so confident in this world...
*Looks toward Hollywood and Washington DC for recent examples.*
Then Erhei says "you women" to her, and I hate him even more. He even offers her sex with one of them when they get cleaned up. First of all, nothing would clean this lot up, and second, ew!!! Store owner calls them out for being repulsive. Then she points out how the educated youths from Beijing caught the man-bear thug, and even found a big chunk of gold.
Skip, skip, skip!!! 
This is where I stopped and really started paying attention again because I remembered Erhai's hatred for our educated youths (to be fair--I don't like them or their postering or their snobbery--but Erhai's gross and scary and I want him FAR away from Yanzi), and how he'll probably try to cause them damage not just to get the gold but to humiliate them .
This is a continuation of the earlier scene when Fatty was there, and why they put so much time into it.
Erhei says they are lying, but nope, the gold chunk has been witnessed by the village secretary. She tells them to go get two gold chunks. Erhei says they'll pay cash. As they leave, the Yuckies steal the sweet potatoes the store keeper had been cooking. They really suck.
They're so not funny. I hate each and every one of them. 
I hate them, too, but this scene made me want roasted sweet potatoes.
I just always think, 'You know, there's a REASON we have a game called Hot Potato. How do they hold them right off the fire?'
Outside, Erhei tells them they should go for the gold. The man-bear knows where that gold is. So, the obvious thing is for them to get that info from the man-bear.
Can't object.
His reasoning is straight, as far as it goes.

Cut to our Ickies, Bayi and Fatty yellow-peeing patterns into the snow. Yes, the show showed us that. (Sidebar: I must be mad watching this.) Fatty even asks what Bayi is grappling with.
They pee or poo in every episode at least once. 
It's the only time they seem to have regular conversations that mean anything. They had them peeing against a gate so we could see the pee coming out but not see any body parts. This was a thought-through shot. I'm amazed at how much time they spend on blocking these pee/poop shots.
'Our guys need to have a heartfelt convo. What haven't they shit on yet?'
Anyway, as he zips up, Fatty says there's nothing wrong with gold-hunting. I guess Bayi was reluctant? I think they are suspicious of Qiaoshan and his motives. Bayi is concerned Qiaoshan wants cultural relics. He says the map had Japanese characters and is thus a Japanese military map. He wants another look. Oh, and fruit drops from Fatty's pee-hands.
Oh no! Cultural relics! Leave them in the ground, people. 
Will we get a Lurch, do you think?
Next we see Bayi slip into Qiaoshan's house. He sees the map which has been left out for anyone to look at, and he looks at it. Oh, there's all this steam! Bayi hides. And Huamei comes in to have a bath. Guess she's fully recovered. She takes off her jacket, and Bayi peeps around the curtain, and then she's getting undressed, but Bayi lets her know he's there. She hurts him somehow, not sure, and he swears he never saw anything. He claims to be there to give her the fruit drops. Crikey, does she know they're contaminated? Anyway, she's mad at Bayi being sneaky, and he says he knocked but no one answered so he came in.
They are cuuuute. 
They are boring. She is cute, but I'm confused by her cuteness here vs. the badass we met in the beginning. Did the gall-bladder deform her brain?
I think it's entirely possible to be a bad ass in the woods with strangers and cute in your house with the educated youth you know a little bit. No matter how tough she is, she's still a young woman.
Then Bayi sits on her bed, saying it's so nice and warm. She complains about city folk being delicate. Bayi says but it's not so cold in Beijing, and Huamei gets a dreamy look and a dreamy sound to her voice. She clearly wants to see Beijing. She's never been further than the town nearby. Bayi starts describing Beijing and the delicious food there.
Cuuuute and innocent.
Skip. I need another death scene soon. 
Trot had a rough week.
Oh noes, Yanzi is calling for Bayi. Huamei says he's not there, and Yanzi is all, no, I heard his voice. And Huamei says, nope, I'm bathing here.
Why would she hide him like they did anything? Tsts. 

Then Huamei and Bayi chat some more about how great Beijing is. They flirt and Bayi sweet-talks her. She reminds him to wait outside when someone's not home, and he swears again he didn't see anything. She warns him never to say what happened there, and he gives her the candy (seriously, people get hepatitis like that).
She just had bear gallbladder, she'll be fine. 
Did I miss something? How is the candy dangerous? It's dirty, but I'm not sure it's pathogenic.
Because it came from Fatty's pee-hands.
Everything you eat in a restaurant came from someone's pee-hands.
Cut to the Yuckies nattering on amongst themselves while the man-bear is gagged and tied and can hear them. Man-bear is trying to untie himself when torches shine in his eyes and a sack is thrown over his head!


TBH, I thought this episode was a little bit boring. But we did get some planning for a temple-hunt, and that, hopefully, should lead us to interesting times.
I was liking it just fine, this episode. There were a few gorgeous shots in it, the camera-team really takes care to shoot beautiful pictures (sadly, the people are not that beautiful)
This episode wasn't a little bit boring; it was a LOT boring. We didn't even get weasels!
Yeah, but it's only 30 minutes. Next episode: action!
For realz?!