The Weasel Grave 鬼吹灯之黄皮子坟 - Episode 6 (Recap)

SakiVI: In which one character dies. SorryNotSorry about that. And in which we learn Bayi has been withholding information about himself, but that he's going to let loose now.
kakashi: Much too much of those three doltheads who act as if it were comedy, which clearly doesn't work.
JoAnne: Well, maybe they'll be gone soon.
Trotwood: I hope so, too. Not enough people have died. We are on episode 6 already. Where is my body count?!?!?!

Episode 6

We open looking at a cottage in the moonlight. Someone slices some sort of root vegetable (ginger). Then he rubs it on his scabby head. It's Erhei. He asks his buddies if they have the gold. What? Man-bear mumbles "picked from the man-bear stomach..." Erhei curses him. Says he is not an idiot. Man-bear says if he lies, may thunder strike him. Okay.
The internet knows why he rubs ginger onto his scalp.
JoAnne:  Ginger is one of my favorite flavors.  But not on Erhei's scalp, no.
This just grossed me out because all I could think about was how expensive fresh ginger is and what a waste it was being rubbed into someone's head who I was hoping would die soon.
Cut to Hu Bayi drawing something. He wakes up the dozing Fatty and shows him the map he's drawn. Fatty is confused, so Bayi says, "The stars in the sky and roads on the land, things must come around before they go around." Anyone not confused? Raise your hand. Hu Bayi drags this out by insisting Fatty look again at the map.
I was with Fatty here. Of course he is confused. Hu Bayi has gone all Obi-Wan Kenobi on him when just days ago they were looking for weasels to get candy. Pfft.
Beautiful scene, the lighting is superb! There are so many of those moments in this episode. Sadly, the script...
The whole show is gorgeous, really - the filming of it.  So atmospheric and otherwordly. I always think of fairy tales, with old-fashioned illustrations.
I agree. it is soooo pretty and crisp and the lighting is perfect for every scene. It should just be stills because the script . . . 
Back to the Yuckies. They are asking what man-bear found in the real bear's stomach. He says what's buried under Mt. Tuan is a gold vein. Okay, so I'm gathering that the bear ate gold. 
Does a bear shit in the woods?
Pretty much everything shits in the woods.  Stay out of the woods.
I've been watching this show. Everyone shits everywhere.
Yuckies 1 and 2 are all excited, and Erhei asks where this gold vein is.
Cut to Bayi and Fatty and Fatty finally seeing a dragon in the map. Who else keeps humming "puff the magic dragon"? (*under my breath: ...lived by the sea, and frolicked in the autumn mist...the song always made me cry when I was a tiny girl, I felt so sorry for the poor lonely dragon.) Bayi is all smug and says it's the gold vein. The dragon head points to northeast, and the tail to southwest. In Feng Shui, this is called front mirror back support, side embraces, water in the embrace. All righty, then. Where is he coming up with all this stuff? Are we supposed to believe that one talk about his past raises all these talents that have been hidden from him? Basically, by deducing backwards with Feng Shui, Bayi can find the temple and then the gold. But Fatty points out that the area is so large, it will take them years to locate the temple. But Bayi points out a smaller area on the map. It's the man-bear cave! But how does he know the main location is the man-bear cave? 
He sees it with his super-laser-eyes.
He smells what the bear does in the woods with his super-sensitive-nose.
The writers have decided that he'll have a super power that goes beyond pooping at will and peeing through fences.
Back to the yuckies asking the man-bear where the gold vein is. Erhei tries to cut a deal saying they will not let him down if he tells them where it is. Man-bear requests pen and paper. Nope, these yuckies don't keep such fancy things. So, they give him a chopstick except, duh, his hands are tied. But they are afraid to untie him. So Erhei and then Yuckies 1&2 go berserk to scare the man-bear, who is just a bit puzzled, really. He says to them they are the same sort of men, and they saved him, so he won't hurt them. Wow, they fell for that. Oh wait, they're dumb. Never mind.
Every scene with them just falls flat. I would also like to point out that by now, we're 12 minutes into the drama and absolutely nothing happened.
What do you mean?  A map has been drawn, and I'm holding my breath waiting for the next minute, when the man-bear kills the yuckies.
They are like a gross version of the Three Stooges who find themselves in a mystery rather than a comedy.
Untied, Man bear gets up and he's massive. With water and the chopstick, he draws the map onto the dusty table. They argue a bit over the directions because, again, they're dumb. Man bear looks to the left and to the right, and then takes a Yucky hostage. He snarls at them that they don't deserve his know-how and demands warm food. Then the Yucky he's choking somehow bites him, but man-bear still throws him off. Then the other Yucky comes at him, but man-bear twists his arm. That stops Erhei who was coming after them with a knife. Man-bear throws the yuckies out through the building walls, cool, but Erhei, who unfortunately has a couple of brain cells, throws a blanket over man-bear's head and jumps on his back. Yucky 1 comes to punch man-bear, but punches Erhei - that was pleasing - and then they all struggle with the big man until he falls. 
I had important things to do elsewhere.
Minutes off my life I'll never get back.  I should have just smoked a cigarette. No, I don't smoke.  I did, though, in my misbegotten youth.  Everyone did. It's a big part of misbegotten, smoking is.  In fact it's nearly impossible to accomplish misbegotten without smoking.  Go ahead, try.  You can't do it.
This whole scene was a colossal waste of time.
When man-bear falls, though, he hits his head on the stone hearth. He's totally dead. Sorry, not sorry, but kinda sorry because I wanted man-bear to kill these three, and oh, he's alive! Oh, nope, that was just a last bit of energy before death. He's dead. Darn it.
Shame. His character and looks were fun.
Yeah, I was ready for him to stick around.  Shucks.
Actually, at this point, he was the only person that actually was interesting. I wanted a death, but of course, the only person who had some information and a cool history is now dead. killed without skill by the Gross Trio.
Cut to Bayi telling Fatty rabbits won't eat grass near the burrow, but a bear will. Apparently he means the bear was eating grass near the gold vein, and, since the temple was built on the gold vein, they have to find the temple to find the gold. Fatty understands. But Bayi is concerned Qiaoshan is hiding something from them since on the map Qiaoshan had, it was written Showa year 11, by Osaka archeology team. Apparently Bayi learnt some Japanese from his grandfather. The two boys wonder why a gold hunting team needed archeologists? Come on, dummies, cultural artifacts
Monsters! Please let there be monsters!
Something more scary, like Lurch.  Not glowing blue bugs.
I want monsters and bugs and gods and zombies and the undead. They better be throwing everything at us after these somnolent episodes.
Oh, annoying, someone is lurking outside their bedroom window. Maybe it's a Fatty-Bayi shipper.
I think they're extinct.
NOW they are, but this is a flashback. We might be seeing the last one of a dying breed.  This whole adventure might be what killed them off.
I would take anything even a flirt scene between them just for something to happen. 

Nope, it's Erhei, eavesdropping. Bayi tells Fatty that his ancestors were Mojin officers. Yes, we know already. Bayi explains, "Man lights the candle, ghost blows out the light. Raiders find tombs by seeking the stars." Yeah. He then explains that there are 4 major schools of tomb raiders. Faqiu generals, Banshan Taoists, Xieling warriors, and Mojin officers. Mojin officers are the only ones to use Feng Shui and astrology to find tombs. (Sidebar: I want to meet a Xieling warrior in this show. And a Banshan Taoist. I want to see them fight.)
I wonder which ones are the coolest and bestest.
Well, if we go by who got a TV show...I'm not encouraged about the coolness factor of the rest of them.
I'm feeling as though any one of them would be cooler than these two.
Fatty says what I'm thinking: too much jargon. Oh, and no wonder Bayi likes digging holes for fun! Outside, the Yuckies are listening and thinking, such as they can. Erhei tells them to go set fire to the chicken coop. Bastard. Those are living creatures in there! One of them rolls over the coop. The other just runs over. And they set the coop, and, by the looks of it, those poor chickens on fire.
Mmmm, roast chicken.
Sidebar: I want a painful death for Erhei and the Yuckies. Will I get one?
Can they be humiliated and then die painfully?

The Schoobies run out while Erhei goes into the house and steals the map Bayi drew, and his Mojin officer book. He slips out, but Bayi sees him. Then Bayi sees his things are missing. 
Why do they not go after Erhei?
Don't they turn back to help Bayi with dinner the burning coop?
I have to say that I'm surprised that Erhei can read.
The kids rush out to wreck Erhei's home. Except, when they get there, it's already wrecked. Amazed, they look around, and of course, it's Bayi who finds the dead Hua Bangzi, aka the man-bear.

Cut to the Yuckies in the snowy morning forest. (another beautiful shot. I love how they film the snow/fake snow in this drama) Sigh, I hope we see a weasel. Turns out they didn't end up burning the chickens, phew, but damaged their own clothes. God, I hope they are entirely covered. (I initially thought you meant by insurance, ha.) After much bickering, Erhei tells them to shut up. He tells the Yuckies they have to dig up a temple to get gold. Almost reverently, he says, Bayi is no idiot, he's a Mojin officer, wooooooo.
So Erhei knows things?
He's got knowledge oozing out of his head.
Haha. And here I was thinking it was just pus. Thanks, Jo, for the correction.
We see snow. And more snow. And more snow. I think Erhei is looking to see where to dig. And he figures it out!

Over at Qiaoshan's, he's showing the Scoobies a luoyang shovel, one of the most important tools in Chinese archeology. No, really, it is. It pops up in practically all tomb-raiding dramas, and here is a recap with pics of it with blood-soaked soil. Chincha. 
I recognized it and I got a tiny little bit excited.
Seems they got the shovel from Erhei. Is he from some tomb-raiding family as well? Apparently, before liberation (someone tell me, liberation from whom? The Japanese? Usually, yes), there was a group of bandits called the digger army. Erhei's grandpa was their guide and he did whatever dirty work he needed to to make money. So, Erhei learnt from grandad. (Why are we just now having this conversation?) Qiaoshan thinks Erhei is off to find the gold vein. Fatty is outraged. If Erhei finds the gold, then the revolutionary development of the village will suffer! But Bayi doesn't think Erhei is capable of finding the temple, which must be found first. 
"The revolutionary development of the village will suffer" is such a lame thing to say.
It really is. Just admit you want to hunt for treasure. (to trade for candy)
Qiaoshan looks like he might have read between the lines.
But, Qiaoshan and Fatty point out that Erhei stole the book and the map. And they all look glum. Until Qiaoshan says, map? and Bayi explains he just drew it based on his awesome Mojin Officer knowledge. And he assures Qiaoshan that he knows how to find the way. So, basically, Bayi has known a lot more about tomb-finding than he has admitted to Qiaoshan.
Or it just came to him, like that *snaps fingers*. Also, if he could draw the map once, he can draw it a second time, no? (Exactly what I was thinking. I even wrote it, too, then I saw you had already written it, so I deleted it.) Shame about the book though.
I'm sure it will turn out fine.
Qiaoshan says he will go into the mountain with them. But Bayi wants to hear a story: what, other than gold, is in the weasel temple? Qiaoshan says the clay statue of the weasel spirit, an incense burner, and a bronze bell. Sounds temply. Oh, but Bayi wants to know what Qiaoshan knows that they do not. Dramatic music plays, and Bayi says geomancy is not child's play, and that without knowing everything, they do not feel safe and will not search for the temple. (Sidebar: this means Bayi has his grandpa's book memorized because he does not need to get it back from Erhei.) 
*scratches head* - can you say that again more slowly, Qiaoshan?
So why does Qiaoshan know what's in the temple?
And why doesn't he need the book back?
So, Qiaoshan says there is a bronze locker with a relic that guards the temple. But he also says no one has ever seen it. Bayi says that whether it's gold or the bronze locker, they will contribute to socialist construction. Get them work points, boys! They all agree on this story.
A Weasel Relic!!!!
Probably something from the glory days of the Great Weasel Civilization.

Cut to Erhei reading the map, and the Yuckies digging. They find digging too hard. Erhei says fine, let's take a break for the day. Ooh, two weasels are watching them. Yucky 2 sees them! Erhei says, act like you haven't seen anything, and instructs the Yuckies to play. Apparently, weasels like watching people play. The Yuckies swing their heads and hips, the weasels bob their heads in rhythm, the Yuckies chase the weasels! And the weasels runs fast, but not so fast the Yuckies can't see them. Hmm, where could the weasels be leading them? 
What a drama if you're excited about seeing two bad cgi-weasels.
She's probably most excited at the thought that the Yuckies might be about to die.
I was literally rubbing my hands at the thought of them dying.
Oh, they stop at a distance. Humans (barely) and weasels watch each other across the snow. One Yucky tries to walk up to the weasels on one side, and the other Yucky from another side, and Erhei from a third and they leap! And all fall down into a trap. Serves them right. They light matches, look up and see something creepy because Yucky 2 says the place is a little bit evil. Erhei says this place looks like, and stops because the match glowed green. 
Cool, I liked this. But far too much Erhei, I really can't look at his face anymore.
He's truly gross.
But the Snow White Weasels are really pretty if fake looking.


That was fun! And the sooner we get rid of the Yuckies and Erhei, the better. I know it's mean, even though they are TV show characters, but I really want them all killed off.
See? It wasn't the weasels, it was impending death.