The Rise of Phoenixes (天盛长歌) - Chapter 8 (Fanfiction)

Chapter 8 - Promises Made so Easily, all Lies…

written by kakashi
edited by Bunny

“Your Highness, this hair ornament is the only thing left. The hair ornament of Qingming students.”

Just like that, she was gone.

A charred body in a torched courtyard, neatly covered by a sheet of cloth to spare him the worst. Just like that, a pawn that could have become a queen was taken off the board by his enemies - all because he was incompetent, laughable, completely unfit to ever be more than a useless man born into the royal family by a cruel quirk of fate.

Ning Cheng’s concerned words washed over Ning Yi, but he could barely make them out. He felt sick to the bone.

“The ladies in House of Lanxiang said that Old Stableman took Wei Zhi away to avenge his son's death.”

The hairpin… her hairpin. Placed into his hand by his bodyguard, it was almost warm to the touch, maybe an afterglow of the inferno that had consumed her body, maybe a cruel reminder of the life that had shone so brightly. He had not even had the chance to get to know her better. He didn’t know what she liked to eat. Did she have a favorite book? Did she sing? He would have liked to hear her sing.

“Your Highness. I promise I'll kill Old Stableman to avenge her!”

Ning Cheng grabbed his arm, prevented him from stepping closer, from lifting the cloth from her dead body. He thought he would like to see her one last time, but Ning Yi had nothing left in him to protest Ning Cheng’s intervention.

Avenge her… what was the point.

When he miscalculated, people close to him died. Feng Zhiwei. Zhuyin. Gentle, sad Zhuyin, murdered by the Crown Prince’s uncle Chang Hai mere days ago. It felt like it had been only yesterday, that he had talked to her at House of Lanxiang, her silent tears moving his heart, making him soft, longing for things he could not have.

“I feel like I've been trying to avenge my father my whole life. Now that it's about to happen, I feel lost somehow.”

“The day we avenge your father is the day you are reborn, Zhuyin. Leave House of Lanxiang. Find someone to settle down with and start your new life.”

“Settle down? Your little raccoon always says, if women knew how big this world was, how would they be willing to be locked away in their houses? I have heard it so many time that I am curious about the world now. I want to see just how big it is.”

Pitiful Zhuyin, plucked from her life and forced to be a courtesan, she would never be able to see the world now. And neither would Feng Zhiwei, a woman who had wanted to be free above everything. I promise I will make your wishes come true. You will regain your freedom. Empty promises, one after the other, they flowed from his mouth so easily, all lies.

“Your Highness, say something. Cry if you want to. Scream if you wish to. Say something,” Ning Cheng urged him, his voice shaking.

Ning Yi did not understand why there were people who chose to care for him at all. He only brought pain into everybody’s life.

How clever he had thought himself for placing Zhiwei at Qingming. But of all places… here! This was where the Crown Prince hid his secret weapon, the remaining members of Bloody Pagoda. Of course his smart raccoon had found out, she of all people would have - but the danger of poking her nose into this…!

She had come to him for help.

He remembered the look on her face all too well. She had come in the middle of the night to see him, but he had not heard what she had said. Worse, he had attacked her after she had undone the ties he used to keep himself sleeping in the bed, her slender neck violated by his hands. Would he have killed her had she not put up fierce resistance? He had temporarily lost his mind due to the deadly Wumei poison, so cleverly administered by the Crown Prince. Falling asleep during the day, becoming violent with no reason, brutal nightmares, waking up in the strangest of places - a horrible experience. But his madness was no excuse at all. He had not been careful enough and his great plan had all collapsed like a castle made from sand.

She had asked for his help, he had not given it. When he had finally remembered what she had said that night, he had stalled his feet fretting she might laugh at him for rushing to Qingming Academy out of concern for her.

“If the little raccoon were still here, she wouldn't want to see you so sad,” Ning Cheng was crying himself now, thick tears trickling down his face.

“She is a little raccoon,” Ning Yi heard himself say. “Little raccoons have nine lives. She has nine lives!”

Who was more foolish, the man who had such hopes - or the man who knew such hopes were entirely futile but still said words like these?

Ning Yi turned his back on her body and his servants and walked away. Staggering as if his legs had become useless, as if the poison was still ailing him. Where should he go now? Away, far away. Was there a cave somewhere he could hide in for the rest of his life? He would get drunk, so drunk the pain would go away.

That Feng Zhiwei is just a pawn. Are you going to let one stone destroy your entire Go board? Ziyan had been right. His Go board was destroyed - because she was no longer there.

“Your Highness, come quickly!” one of his guards had approached and grabbed his arm, startling him.

“What is it!” Ning Yi yelled, not wanting to be disturbed in his grieving, not wanting to face reality for a while, or never again.

“Feng Zhiwei, she… but come, come!”

Feng… what…? His feet picked up speed as he was dragged along, to the left, to the right, to the servant quarters. Ning Yi rushed through the door and…

… saw Feng Zhiwei sitting there, lifting her dirt smudged face from her knees to look in his direction.

Enormous relief made his breast tight. His breath came in short bursts. But what if… he needed to hold her to make sure it was really her. Her and not some hallucinogenic aftereffect of Wumei poison.

“Don't come near me,” she said grimly, stalling his eager feet.

“I came to you. Why didn't you help me? Why do you want me dead?” Tears sprang up in her eyes. “Why did I listen to you and go to Qingming Academy? Why did I have to be outraged by injustice? Why did I have to discover Bloody Pagoda?”

More and more rapidly, the accusing questions were fired at him, her hands grabbing the fabric of her robe at the knees, wringing it, her sobs shaking her body, her despair hurting his heart. Ning Yi closed the distance between them and knelt down in front of her.

“It's all my fault,” he whispered, his hands touching hers for comfort. “It's all my fault. I went crazy because of poison. But fortunately... fortunately, you're still alive.”

“But they're all dead,” she said bitterly, just as he could no longer restrain himself, threw his arms around her and pressed her body to his chest. It was her, really her. She was still alive. Nothing else mattered. His own tears started flowing, but they were not tears of grief like hers, but tears of relief. She was still alive. His little racoon wasn’t dead. It was here. He was holding it.

But her body was slack in his embrace, as if the will to live had left her. “Zhuyin is dead. Stableman is dead. They all died because of me!” she said at his shoulder. “I was there. I saw…”

She started sobbing more strongly and he tightened his embrace, using one hand to stroke her hair.

“... he stabbed Zhuyin JieJie through the heart. She had locked me in a cabinet before and he came to her room to… they were looking for me. I was able to escape because Stableman sacrificed his life for me… I…”

“Shhhh,” he rocked her slightly, “shhhhhh.”

“JieJie told him who she was,” Feng Zhiwei sobbed, “why… why did she do that… she provoked him, she made it clear she was dying to get revenge and he… he stabbed her, right after being informed your men had arrived outside.”

“Chang Hai,” Ning Yi gritted his teeth. “He will die a most gruesome death, I will make sure of it.”

“I don't want them to die!” she cried.

Reluctantly, he let go of her. “Neither do I,” he told her. Well, there were many people he wished dead, but not the good ones. The evil ones. Like his brother Ning Yan who had been executed by the Crown Prince, with the Emperor’s tacit agreement or at the very least, because he was deliberately turning a blind eye to his eldest’s evil nature. “But fortunately, you're still alive. You’re still alive.”

And by the gods, she was beautiful. His hand came up to cup her cheek, his fingers tenderly stroking her the neck underneath her ear.

“But they died because of me!” Her voice shook so much she had trouble getting the words out.

“They died because of me. Because of me,” he contradicted her, his own tears plainly visible for her to see. Guilt… it was a horrible burden. If only he could take it away from her entirely.

A look of wonder appeared on her face. Very timidly, she lifted her own hand and placed it on his cheek, her thumb brushing away the tears one by one as they fell.

His breast felt very tight again and he had trouble breathing. Staring into her wet, reddened eyes, he briefly wondered whether there was more of the Wumei poison remaining in his body. He felt very dizzy.

“Let me…,” he stammered. What? What did he even want to say? Her hand stalled, probably frightened to offend him. How could he tell her that he did not want her to stop, that he cherished the comfort she gave? Quickly, he grabbed her hand before she could withdraw it and pressed it to his cheek. How small and fragile hers was underneath his larger one. But warm. Warm and soft.

She held still, her eyes boring into his. Had he even noticed the colors of her eyes before? The sweep of her lashes, the arc of her brow.

“Let me…,” he said again, still not knowing what he wanted her to let him do.

“I should go wash myself,” she said, casting her eyes down, starting to pull her hand away. “I reek of smoke and my face must be in a most horrible state.”

“Let me… do it,” he said, grabbing a wash basin that stood near him and a piece of cloth. He could not bear to part with her yet, she could not just go like this and make him worry again.

Slowly, afraid to hurt her, he began cleaning the dirt off her hands. She just stared at the hairpin she now held in her hand - he had given it back to her.

“He put it on his own son,” she said very quietly, “Old Stableman gave me a chance to disappear. But I…”

Ning Yi’s head snapped up. What a fool, he scolded himself when the sentence remained unfinished and she went back to staring at the hairpin in her hand, he had not really hoped she would say but I could not leave you?

He noticed how much soot there was on her face and extended his slightly shaking hand to clean that off too. But Feng Zhiwei turned her head away. “I have to do something for them. I must do something for them,” she said.

Ning Yi let his hand sink. “What are you going to do?” he asked her, thinking that she was fierce like a warrior. Like a tigress. This racoon had many shapes.

“Your Highness, how do you plan to use Bloody Pagoda to defeat the Crown Prince?” she asked him.

Ah, her face was so close. Those eyes were a distraction, like a force that pulled his own towards them. Plans? “I don't have any plans”, he said.

“Are you sure?”

Ning Yi stood up slowly. “Yes, I am,” he answered. It was no lie, he had no plans… yet. But he needed them. Quickly. And how could he make sure she was safe? He had to hide her in his Residence again. Much better guarded this time.

“All right then,” Feng Zhiwei said resolutely and got up.

He caught her arm. “Where are you going?”

“I'm going to find Gu Nanyi and kill the Crown Prince's dog, Xin Ziyan!”

What? No, no, no. Rash racoon, too quick to bite!

“You must have faith in me,” he pressed out, resisting the impulse to grab her and draw her close again. “Xin Ziyan is not the Crown Prince's man,” he revealed to her.

“But he is the headmaster of Qingming Academy. How can he be unrelated to the Crown Prince?” she exclaimed.

Ah, but some secrets were too precious to be revealed hastily. Ziyan’s true loyalty was one of them. If that got out… He had to be careful. Always careful. Especially with somebody as smart as her.

“He is with you, isn't he?” she whispered after searching his face. Turning it away had helped nothing. She still read it much too proficiently.

He nodded. “After Ning Qiao died, Xin Ziyan was the only person I could trust.”

“Turns out you never trusted me,” she said evenly and started walking away.

“Feng Zhiwei,” he sighed. She stopped and waited. How he wished he was still hugging her like before. Already, they were drifting apart again, an inevitable fate.

“You want me to trust you, right? All right. I'll tell you my plan.” I am making you my person, he thought. You will have to stay.

“Your Highness, can you promise me something?” she said and stepped in front of him again. “No matter what your plan is, please stop sacrificing the lives of the innocent.”

Innocent… guilty… did she not know how difficult it sometimes was to keep the two separate? There were other categories he lived by.

“Feng Zhiwei,” he told her, “you also have to promise me. Remember these words: Eradicate all evil. That's the only way to have good people die in peace and bad people convicted for their sins.”

“But who is evil?” she challenged him. “Old Stableman, for example. Is he evil?”

“Yes, he is,” Ning Yi said. The Leader of Bloody Pagoda. Killing officials for the Crown Prince for so many years. Almost killing Feng Zhiwei. He had to die.

“But he is not!” she disagreed, new tears filling her eyes.

“Just because he let you live?” Ning Yi asked bitterly.

“You still don't trust me,” she whispered, a sad smile appearing on her face.

Trust? He didn’t trust anybody, not even himself. But today, here, in this room, with her, there was only one answer that he could give, one thing he wanted to say. He lifted his hand and traced it lightly down her face, letting it rest on her shoulder.

“All right. I promise.” And with a drawing of breath and some more emphasis: “I promise.”

Empty promises, one after the other, they flowed from his mouth so easily, all lies.

Chapter 9