Fanfiction: Getting Lost on the Roads of Life - Chapter 5 (A KakaSaku Story)

Chapter 5 - The Attack

*trigger warning: attempted rape

Sakura was having a very pleasant dream.

In a garden full of newly budded trees and bright pink flowers, she was standing in someone's safe embrace, her face deeply buried in his shirt, her arms tight around his body. There was sunlight and warmth but it wasn't too hot yet, a light breeze was rustling the leaves around them, gently wafting over the top of her head, almost like a hand leisurely ruffling her hair. He said something to her and chuckled, his voice rumbling in his chest like distant thunder, making her think of a cat’s purring, of scratching it behind the ears to make it shut its eyes in lazy pleasure.

It was enough to just stand here and be held like this. She never wanted it to stop, this feeling of bliss and happiness.

But how silly she was. For who in Konoha was able to have dreams this pleasant without eventually being reminded of the horrors of war?

The sound of the siren burst her dream bubble like a deadly kunai. Jerking awake, she was briefly disoriented, feeling lost in time, not remembering where she was in the darkness that surrounded her. But that moment only lasted for a few seconds. The 6-second high-tone, 6-second low tone raid warning sent a bolt of adrenaline through her, followed by a wave of dread.

A barrier breach? Who could…

It took her only two more seconds to realize that she was not alone in her room. She wanted to scream, but a large hand was clasped over her mouth and nose with such force she was thrown backwards, a large weight pressing down on her.

“Where is he?” a hoarse voice rasped at her ear.

Dread was beginning to invade her entire being. She wanted to hit the intruder with all she had, but she could not gather her chakra. He had somehow managed to immobilize her hands and parts of her body. She could not see a thing either, as if she had been blindfolded. Outside, the sirens kept on blaring, danger! danger! Perimeter breach!

A nightmare, it had to be a nightmare.

Kuchi no In no Jutsu”, the intruder whispered, a jutsu that hit her tongue and rendered her mute. Let me go! She screamed in her head, hoping that focusing on anger would keep her sane. It was a nightmare, but she wasn’t asleep.

“So he’s not here,” the intruder continued speaking, now with his hand removed from her mouth, “we were misled!”

Despite her distress, Sakura felt relief. Kakashi Sensei must be safe. Feeling a sudden burst of hope, she tried once more to fight whatever was keeping her down. The result was disheartening.

“Quite the body you’ve got”, the stranger snarled, “wiggle, wiggle, I like it when you squirm.”

He was moving closer, from his mouth came a disgusting smell, like rotten fish, but his Jutsu made it even impossible to gag properly. He touched her face with rough fingertips, beginning to hum under his breath.

“Ripe and juicy,” he chuckled.

And then, his hands began touching her where no uninvited hands should ever go. Kneading her breasts through the fabric of her dress, groping between her legs, his humming intensifying as her nausea surged.

No, no, no, the words formed in her head, please, no. No.

He pulled apart the fabric of her dress, his large hands hot and sticky on her exposed skin, impatiently pushing her bra out of the way. She wished she would black out so that she did not have to witness this invasion of her body, but no such reprieve was given her. If anything, her head cleared by the second.

“You Uchiha whore”, he said, pinching her nipples hard and painfully, “do you like this? Hmmmmmm.”

His one hand travelled down her body, sneaking underneath the elastic band of her trousers, pulling them down roughly, fumbling to remove the underwear too.

“Will you get wet for me?” he panted, moving his fingers down her slit, painfully ramming a finger into her. At least, it would probably be over quite soon, Sakura thought, judging from his rapid breathing, her assailant would not be able to hold back for long.

“Hey, what are you doing?”

The door had been opened, somebody shone a flashlight in and Sakura was finally able to see something, though it did her no good. There was a frightening Demon mask covering a tightly bandaged face in her field of vision. It belonged to a massive man hovering above her, wearing some kind of fur coat.

“Having myself a bit of fun,” her assailant chuckled. “Just look at her. Should the Uchiha be the only one to taste this fine piece of meat?”

The second man stepped closer. He was slimmer but wore a fanged Oni mask and fur clothes too, and she could see the large sword at his back. The design of the grip seemed vaguely familiar, but as much as she tried to remain as calm and rational as possible and force her mind to focus on such details to remember later, she could not fool herself. She was hanging on by a thread. An abyss of panic was one rough touch away.

“We don’t have the time, we must retreat,” but despite his words, his eyes fixated on her body, took in her bare breasts, travelled down to stare at her exposed womanhood.

“You can have a go too,” the first man smirked, “but I go first.”

“Alright,” the second man grunted, letting one hand disappear into his trousers to stroke himself while watching.

The first laughed and stood up to take off his trousers, exposing himself and his gigantic arousal to her. She should have closed her eyes, but not even that seemed possible anymore. She could deal with the aftermath, she told herself to keep the panic at bay a little longer. She was strong. It was just flesh, a body, a vessel - they could not really hurt her.

The man grabbed her knees and pushed her legs apart. “Hmmmmmm,” he salivated, climbing onto the bed, positioning himself to penetrate her.

It was the last sound he ever uttered.

“Shiden,” Kakashi yelled and a purple light so bright it temporarily blinded her flared up, accompanied by the crackling and chirping sound of concentrated lightning. Her almost rapist’s head flew off at the swipe of Kakashi’s hand, a gush of blood hitting her when his body was thrown against the wall so violently a crack formed from floor to ceiling. Even before it could hit to floor, Kakashi had already ripped the second man’s heart out and threw his twichting, dying body on top of the other. Spitting in their direction with an expression of utter disdain, he extinguished the sizzling lightning in his hand and turned to her.

“Sakura,” he said, his voice hoarse, “Sakura, I am sorry I'm late.”

He sat down on the edge of the bed, his blood stained hands righting her clothes, pulling up her pants, wrapping her in a blanket, gathering her close.

“I will bring you to the hospital,” he said, the suppressed anger in his voice chilling to behold.

“No,” she managed to say, “nothing happened. Nothing happened. There is no need.”

Too much had happened, but she would be fine, had to be fine, even if she could still feel those rough hands on her, inside of her, disgust beginning to shake her.

“Shhh,” he said, holding her a little tighter, stroking her hair, “I am here. I’ve got you.”

Her doctor’s brain realized she was going into shock. Her breath came in fast, rapid bursts and she was beginning to shake. A wave of dizziness washed over her and she retched helplessly. Kakashi’s fingers grasped her arm under the blanket, finding her wrist, pressing down on a pressure point, then another, almost painfully hard, but very effective.

“Are you… a medical-nin now,” she gasped, already feeling a little better. Oxygen was returning to her lungs and to her brain. She would be alright. Nothing had happened. She was only badly shaken. They were dead. They could no longer hurt her.

“I only know how to ensure soldiers can fight until the very end,” he said grimly and hugged her close again.

Silly her, she did not want to appear weak in front of him, like she had too many times as a teenager. But when he said “cry if you need to cry”, she could no longer hold it in. The sobs that started to shake her body came from a place deep within her, a vulnerable, frightened place, and they did not want to stop for a long time because crying did bring relief sometimes, but never lessened the fears that resided in there.

“The… sirens… have stopped,” she finally managed to say after no more water was willing to flow out of her eyes, snuggling a little closer to him because that was the only way she could feel safe.

He nodded. “I need to go and repo…”

“No!” she gasped in panic, grabbing his body with both arms, “please don’t go.”

He winced at the contact, though it sounded muffled, like he tried to hide it from her.

“Oh no,” Sakura whispered, “Kakashi Sensei, are you hurt?”

It was so dark in here, she still could not see a thing, but her fumbling hands did not need light to realize from the warmth and the stickiness he was bleeding profoundly from a wound on his arm.

“Oh no, oh no,” she said, starting to sob again.

“I’ll be fine,” he pressed out, trying to dislodge her hands, “don’t spend any of your chakra on me.”

Now that she was focused on it, Sakura became aware of the stench of blood in her bedroom. It was so thick, it made her gag, but the doctor in her scoffed at her weakness. She, too, was covered in her assailant’s drying blood and the bed… she shuddered.

Out. She had to get out of here.

“Come,” she told Kakashi, knowing that leaving his embrace would be hard, but trying to let her voice be firm and steady, “let’s go into the living room, I cannot stay here.”

He let go of her and stood up, complying with her wish immediately. Deeply embarrassed about the state of undress he had found her in, she hugged the blanket closer. She almost fell when she tried to stand up, her legs were shaking too much, but he caught her by the arm.

“I will bring you to a hospital,” he said alarmed.

“No. Your wound needs treatment now,” she informed him and gently removed his hand from her arm, “how long have you been bleeding like this? It’s very deep. I will have to check your arteries for damage and I hope… I hope you haven’t lost too much blood yet.”

“Fine,” he murmured and walked behind her into the living room.

Sakura hesitated ever so briefly before switching on the lights. She felt an irrational fear that being able to see things would make everything worse, but the living room looked like it always had. There was a breeze from the open window, not unpleasant, bringing with it the faint smell of blossoms.

Him though…

“Sensei!” she exclaimed, rushing to his side to pull him into a sitting position, “you are not fine!”

He looked like death warmed over, pale like a ghost, his eyes almost falling shut, likely from depletion of chakra. He was drenched in blood, even his hair was red. And his eyes… she bent over him to have a better look. They were strangely red too, almost as if… he closed them in exhaustion before she could confirm what she had foolishly thought.

“I am very, very sorry,” he murmured.

“Sorry?” she scoffed, trying to open his shirt, but her hands were shaking too much, the buttons kept slipping from her fingers, “what would you be sorry for still?”

“For leaving you alone,” he said, opening his heavy-lidded eyes.

They were dark grey as always. Of course, it must have been a trick of the eye. But she was so surprised by this sweet, earnest, yet completely silly statement, she blurted out laughing. Sorry for leaving her alone! Her! Like he had nothing better to do when the village was attacked!

His words resonating in her head, she couldn’t stop laughing like a madwoman. And then she cried. And then she realized she had dropped the blanket earlier and blushed the deepest red, feeling exposed again even though her clothes were covering all her body parts. She would apologize to him later. What a silly cow she was. She should have been able to fend these men off herself. She should have fought back harder, screamed earlier, be more on her guard.

During her various outbursts, Kakashi just sat there, looking so tired and worn out she could barely stand to look at him.

“Take off your shirt,” she ordered him to feel in control of the situation again.

He did, though his movements were sluggish and his eyes were constantly trying to fall shut. Once the wound was exposed, she recognized it was a sword cut and he was lucky he still had an arm. She put her hands on top of it and began to apply healing chakra, looking for damage in his bones, arteries, muscle tissue, fixing it all. His arm would be as good as new once she was done, maybe better.

Doing the work she did well calmed her down considerably and returned a fraction of her confidence to her. With relief she saw that Kakashi was gaining back some color in his face. At least one crisis was averted.

“Rin,” he whispered.

“What?” Sakura asked, leaning closer.

“No… I'm sorry,” he said, his eyes opening just a fraction, “but you're so much like her. I’m worried.”

Was he delirious? She lifted her hand to take his temperature. Burning hot. Dammit. She tired to locate the source of the fever, but couldn’t determine what was causing it. Suddenly remembering she had wanted to check for a fever after touching his skin at the hospital, she worried even more. This man needed rest. Weeks of it. Which probably meant locking him up somewhere he could not run away. Exactly what Lady Tsunade has wanted to do. Looking at the bright red tattoo with an angry frown, she stood up. Why was that thing visible again?

Kakashi’s eyes were shut for good and he sat there completely unmoving, his head resting on the back of the sofa, his breathing regular and deep. There was blood on her sofa too now and blood on the towels she had put there for him. Should she wake him so that he could wash? He needed to put on new clothes too.

Sakura looked for his backpack, which stood in the corner. He wouldn’t mind her going through the contents, would he? She found underwear, black trousers and a shirt in there, they looked comfy and… she drew out a well-thumbed Icha Icha book with a red cover.

Seeing this remnant of the past instantly brought tears to her eyes again. After Master Jiraiya’s death, no more Icha Icha books would be written. After drying her eyes and putting the book back, Sakura fled into the bathroom. The face looking back at her from the mirror was hers, even though her eyes were red from crying and the corners of her mouth looked like little weights were trying to pull them down.

Forcing herself to smile at her reflection, she peeled herself out of her clothes, throwing them into the wash basket, trying not to think, not to feel. She stepped into the shower and turned the heat up as much as she knew she could stand. With the water drumming down, she forced herself to look at her body, to touch her breasts, rub her nipples, her belly, and move her finger between her legs. But it was like she had gone entirely numb. She felt nothing, only disgust at herself.

Sakura furiously scrubbed her skin with a sponge until it was almost as red as the blood that had been spilled tonight.


When finally returned to the living room dressed in a bathrobe with her favorite pajamas underneath, Kakashi had not budged. His face looked surprisingly peaceful, given how much blood was on it. The tattoo, she immediately noticed, had almost disappeared again, only a faint afterglow remained visible. She had promised to break the seals in his head and she would - but first, she had to ask him about this tattoo-seal. If it was anything like the seal on Naruto’s body, it was keeping something in and whatever it was, she needed to know about it before she tried to let things out.

Before she could get closer to have another look at it, a soft plop-plop-plop-plop on the roof made her go on high alert. Kakashi jerked awake, but relaxed again in an instant.

“Ours,” he said and pushed himself up to go to the window.

Sakura’s heart was beating much too fast and for a short moment, the masked faces that appeared in the darkness of the night scared her beyond reason. But there were no Oni masks, only white porcelain animal masks and the swords on these people’s backs were far shorter than the ones her assailants had carried.

“Can I invite them in?” Kakashi asked her. “I need a word.”

“Y… yes,” she stammered. It was four of them, Anbu black ops, members of Konoha’s special operations branch, hand picked by the village leader, their identities a secret to anybody else. At Kakashi’s hand sign, three of the four climbed in, with one staying outside on the ledge as a guard.

“At ease,” Kakashi told them when they stood at attention.

“Sensei,” the foremost who was wearing a frog mask said, “we are at fault. Without you…nobody saw them coming. Are you…,” falling silent, he took in Kakashi’s bloodied state. He was of medium height, with brownish, short-cut hair. Maybe she knew him. Maybe she didn’t. Maybe she didn’t want to know.

“I am fine,” Kakashi brushed away that man’s concern. Yeah, right, Sakura snorted silently. If I had not forced you to take care of your own wound, you wouldn’t be standing right now.

The conversation between the men had already moved on and she stepped a little closer to hear better.

“There has to be an insider,” Kakashi was just saying. “The sensing barrier cannot be breached this effortlessly. We must investigate the Barrier Team.”

“I fear so too, and I think...” the frog-masked man fell quiet abruptly, becoming aware of Sakura standing there staring at them. She shuddered at how menacing his eyes behind that mask were. Elite assassins, known to be cruel and heartless.

“I vouch for her,” Kakashi said, realizing why the Anbu operative had stopped talking after a side-glance. “She is under my protection.”

Frog-mask seemed unconvinced. Sakura shrugged and walked away, pulling a face when she was sure the Anbu man could not see it. Her hearing was good, she would be able to understand them from further away too.

“She is the Uchiha’s wife,” the frog-mask said and whatever he associated with it, it clearly was nothing good. Even after so many years, Sasuke was not particularly loved in the village. Traitor was about the most friendly word that had been used behind their backs when they walked in the streets.

“Report to Lady Tsunade that I am needed here for a little longer,” Kakashi said, obviously considering it unnecessary to comment on frog-mask’s statement. “I’ll be coming in to report in the morning.”

“Yes, sir, understood,” the frosh-masked Anbu said, looking in Sakura’s direction again.

“Ah. I killed two of them in the bedroom,” Kakashi said grimly, which had one of the silent ones bolt towards the bedroom to check. Sakura closed her eyes as the door was opened. She could not stomach to see even a glimpse of the ruins of her once favorite room.

“Remarkable. We weren’t able to apprehend a single one of them for questioning,” frosh-mask lamented, “most fled, some self-destructed, a special jutsu.”

“Collect the bodies immediately and keep them in a secret spot,” Kakashi ordered, “there might be clues and we do not want a potential clean-up team to find and eliminate them.”

The Anbu nodded, then dropped his voice, but Sakura could still hear him clearly. “Why did they come here, Sensei?”

What had they said? We were misled.

“Sasuke,” she said.

The men all turned their head in her direction.

“They were looking for Sasuke.”

Not Kakashi. Sasuke. Her husband who was always on secret missions. How had she not realized earlier?

“That’s unlikely,” the frosh-mask Anbu sneered. “Nobody would be stupid enough to think he’s here.”

He had a point there, Sakura thought grimly. Ever since his crimes against the village, Sasuke stayed as far away as he could. “To atone for his sins,” Naruto had once told her. “You can thank Kakashi Sensei he’s not been declared a missing-nin and banished forever.”

The frosh-mask made a step towards her. “Are you perchance pregnant?” he asked rudely.

W…. what? “No!” she exclaimed, feeling too flabbergasted to react more appropriately, which would be to hit him in the face and kick him out the window.

“Are you sure?” he dared ask.

“Of course I’m sure!” she yelled, stepping forward, hands balled into tight fists, “you incredibly rude…”

“Hey! Cut it out and mind your manners,” Kakashi said sharply to him, lifting his hand as a barrier between her and the Anbu operative, who had also made a step in her direction.

“Why else would they come?” the frosh-mask said sullenly under his breath.

“Who is they?” Sakura demanded to know. “And what do they want with Sasuke?”

“Take the bodies and leave,” Kakashi told the Anbu detail, sounding rather angry, which did not escape the man’s notice. He cowered and began giving hasty instructions to his men, who began carrying out the bodies rather efficiently. Sakura stepped behind Kakashi’s back and closed her eyes, until she was sure they were gone. It became very quiet.

Kakashi sighed.

“I better take a shower,” he murmured and walked to the window to close it, quietly looking into the night for a moment.

“You… you don’t need to stay for my sake,” she said, because demanding this from him was pure selfishness. He had fought to protect Konoha and he had places to be, which did not include her wrecked apartment at three o’clock in the morning. Why had he even come back here?

“But I want to,” he replied simply and walked towards the bathroom. “May I?”

She scrambled to get him another towel and handed him his change of clothes in the process.

“I will wash your clothes for you,” she said timidly, “but I don’t sew well. Your jonin shirt… I think it’s ruined.”

He snorted and when she looked up, his eyes dance with quiet laughter.

“You do not need to wash and sew for me,” he said, “you are made for much better things.”

“Oh Sensei,” she said, feeling how tears rushed into her eyes again, “I am so sorry for what happened.”

“Hey,” he said and stepped closer. “Hey.”

He lifted his hand and placed it on top of her head, bending forward a little to look into her eyes.

“You have nothing, absolutely nothing to be sorry about,” he told her. “You did nothing wrong and could not have prevented any of this. And you do not need to feel embarrassed about it either. Do you hear me?”

She felt compelled to nod. How did he know what she was thinking? Was she being predictable again?

“And you do not need to be ashamed of your tears, Sakura,” he added, lifting his other hand to brush them away gently as they were sliding down her cheeks. “You are one of the bravest, most capable women I know. Do not doubt yourself. Be proud of who you are, always. Okay?”

And then he ruffled her hair, just like he had once done when she had been a stupid girl whose biggest goal in life had been to get Sasuke to notice her.

She was too stunned to reply and stood in front of the closed bathroom door for the longest time, listening to the sounds of the shower running, then stopping, the sound of his naked feet on the tiles, of him brushing his teeth. She was still standing there when he came out wearing the black clothes she had taken from his backpack, his hair damp and much flatter than usual, but returned to its silver state, his eyes crinkling when he beheld her.

“You have to get some sleep,” he told her. “But not standing up.”

“You too,” she hurriedly said, because she knew what he would say next. “You can keep lying about being fine, but I know better.”

“Ah, well,” he smiled and scratched the back of his head, “you did patch me up very expertly. And not for the first time.”

“And you saved my life again. Not for the first time.”

“It’s what we do,” he smiled and walked over to the sofa. “So…”

“You are going to offer me the sofa, but I will refuse,” she said, switching off the main light, only leaving the one in the corridor on, “and I will not change my mind. You will also not take it, which would just result in both you and me not being on the sofa, which is… stupid. So… we’re both going to use the sofa.”

He lifted his eyebrows at her. “I don’t think that’s…”

“It’s an excellent idea,” she said, “sit down.”

Before she could lose her sudden courage, she went over and pulled at his hand to seat him in the corner, quickly putting a pillow behind his head. Grabbing the discarded blanket from earlier and wrapping herself in it, she stretched herself out and put her head on his lap before he could protest.

He didn’t. He just stiffened a little, then let out a long deep breath.

“I can live with this arrangement,” he said quietly and she felt him relax into the comfort of the sofa.

And because his hand was just lying there next to her face, she grabbed it into both of hers and pulled it close, very close, to rest her cheek against.

Selfish. But he was here, warm and comforting, a little longer, until the morning. Why not hold him as long as she could?

“You know what,” he murmured almost inaudibly when she was already half asleep and unsure whether she was in fact dreaming, “I think I remember something. It was me who told them Sasuke is here.”