06 November 2013

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The Heirs: Fashion Crimes and Beyond

Posted by Kakashi Sensei on November 06, 2013
There are the pink lips. And then, there is the .... shall we dare call it fashion? Kim Tan's fashion crimes are a thing to look forward to, so I do hope they are not going to take that pleasure away from us (who else has noticed a certain improvement in episode 8?). We, the very-interested-and-important-friends of The Heirs, have prepared this special treat for you. We present you: The Kim Tan's Fashion Crimes! Do not try this at home, kids!!
The Nippled-Wet-Suit Look
bcook: After a very very realistic montage of Kin Tan surfing the day way we get a glimpse of his teenage nipples and the inside of his wet suit. I was slightly distracted by the bad acting so missed this the first time around. 
I don't usually moan about shirtless actors but there's something about the orange and red combo of his wetsuit that just makes me... *shudder* I thought wet suits were black.   
kakashi: Me? I'm just impressed about the moobs. Boyo's been working out alright.
Shuk: Most wetsuits have the color on the outside, but his was all black on the outside and Halloween on the inside??
JoAnne:  There is now bulk to the boy, and I approve of bulk.  I do think, though, that he is wearing a very skinny refugee from a Jazzercise class around his waist in that second picture.

The Cool-Surfers-Wear-Orange Look

bcook: Something compels the kdrama stylists to put LMH in orange. I don't know why (maybe it's the only thing in his size?) but he wears orange in every drama he stars in. This get-up isn't so bad though. "Classic american teenager" Tshirt with giant coca-cola logo (is he being ironic?), jeans shirt artfully rolled up to the elbows (jean is in this fall! I promise, yahoo fashion says so) and those orange pants.
kakashi: Orange is one of my favorite colors! I'm sure it's his, too! Me and him .... made for each other! Hahaha, take THAT bcook.
JoAnne: *shakes head at fellow commenters* CLEARLY the orange pants are a nod to California - which I always associate with orange, don't you?  Oh I know why - Orange County.  Anyway, the orange pants sort of bring out his hair a bit.  Most of the time it looks faded.

The American-Teen-Shock-Jock Look
bcook: Keeping with the american teenager style, they put him in different versions of a baseball t-shirt. Yellow and black of the LA bumblebees and blue on blue... because that's how college students roll.  
kakashi: High-school, dear bcook. High-school. You must remember (and repeat after me): he is only 18 years old.  
Shuk: Still makes him legal, kakashi...
JoAnne: I actually don't think any of the teen age boys Tori knew would wear one of these shirts. There's nothing WRONG with them they're just...shirts a mom would pick out.
bcook: But he's taking college classes! Or is that what high schools look like in Cali? 
kakashi: Please stop confusing me, bcook. I am having enough of a hard time as it is (repeats: "he is only 18 years old, he is only 18 years old ...") 

The Hawt-Novice-Priest Look
 
bcook: This maybe the first and last time we see Kim Tan in a suit. I was a little distracted by the smexiness that is sexyheir *drool* but KT looked quite dapper. Black suit on white shirt, buttoned all the way up but no tie. It's italian fashion/novice priest...very in for fall. 
kakashi: Not sure what this is doing here. Not a fashion crime at all. He will look good in a suit once he is back from the army, you know, as a real man. And he wold look even better without the pink lipstick. But that goes without saying. Just imagine how it smears! And the white shirt will be ruined. 
Shuk: I don't like the preparing-for-high-tide look that so many dramas show (yes, I'm looking at you two Joong-won, and Oh-so). Please give our boys a little extra fabric to coyly hide those white socks.
JoAnne:  My big complaint with suits in general these days is that they look too SMALL. Short jackets, short pants, often too tightly fitted.  (The jackets. You can never have pants too tight on a fit boy.) But I did like this look. Classic at first glance, but very modern texture, collar, cut. He looked money. He looked fabulous!
Shuk: I like the small collar. Yes, I do. Or maybe it's the neck...

The Shoulder-Free Look
bcook: That has got to be the sexiest naked shoulder I've ever seen. No complaints here. This is second only to reply1994 Oppa stripping down. (If you aren't watching that show get over to viki after you're done with this and get cracking!)
kakashi: People? This is NOT an outfit. Duh. 
Shuk: There's a shirt.
JoAnne: There's a shirt IN THE WAY. Kim Tan you get a Z-snap-double-YUM from me.

The Bro-Look
bcook: I just...I can't. Only one word describes this look. Bro. 
kakashi: So cool that hell freezes over.  
JoAnne: Nope. Not having it. Take everything off, right now.

The He-Looks-Just-Like-Kakashi Look!
bcook: And pink pants. Is this what people wear in LA cherkell? The only pink guys wear here are brooks brothers shirts...nope wait. I take it back. All the fratboys wear pink shorts and seersucker jackets for derby. It's like watching horses run brings out the bad fashion.
kakashi: Uhm .... I also wear pink pants today!!!! This is incredible. OMG, there is some weird synchronicity going on here!!!! See????
Shuk: But he's not wearing Happy Socks.
JoAnne: I like these pants but he does run the risk of being too matchy-matchy with the lipstick. What is on your SHOES?
kakashi: Silver velcro, obviously. Duh!

The Bad-Heir-Bad-Coat Look

bcook: I just.... It appears Seoul sucks the fashion sense out of you. What is that monstrosity of a patchwork jean... overcoat? jacket? batik dyed doctor's jacket?
kakashi: I cover my eyes in horror and run.  
Shuk: [shrug] I like the coat. It's long and distinctive and patterned.  Don't you just want to fondle the lapels? And it goes with the hair.
JoAnne: I am old and it just looks blue. I didn't like this hair, though. It looks like they tied him to the front of the plane.
bcook: Advanced bowl cut?
kakashi: Bowel cut?
The Eider-Kleider Look
bcook: After that disastrous outfit. KT is redeemed with a series of striped sweaters. They're not bad, just striped. I think he's modelling Eider sweaters. PPl obligations. *note to self...don't buy Eider*
In particular: Orange, grey and neon green do not a fashion statement make. 

kakashi: I might vote that combo below the absolute WORST so far. However, it is so bad it becomes good. You know. This is totally meta. Totally subversive. Totally ... awesomeful.
JoAnne: The red/blue stripe with the slight boat neck is not bad. The orange and grey is meh. The one below belongs on a kid in nursery school.
kakashi: Oh - you mean because he can cross the street in it without fear of being run over?
The Multifunctional-Curtain-Fashion Look
bcook: Gah! Here we catch a glimpse of the latest in curtain fashion. I will give him this. It matches the grey sweater perfectly. It's the fashion version of a mullet. Business on top and party underneath.
kakashi: Multi-functional clothing! I love it. I have a meeting tomorrow and I will try this.
Shuk: I think he took the blouse out of my mom's closet.  It's okay, though, she hasn't worn it since she retired in 1995. 
JoAnne: No. A waffle-stitch sweater is too casual for ruffle-cuffed toile.  He should at LEAST have paired a certain pink....thing with this top. And baby-shit yellow-tan slacks? With grey? NO. 

 The Sofa-Upholstery Look
bcook: Don't let the sunglasses distract you from the 2013 limited edition sofa upholstery. Have you ever wondered what to do with the left over fabric? Please send to this address: Heirs Stylist, Ideserve to be beaten, Seoul, Korea
kakashi: I think it is all planned. He looks like a sofa, he wants the Bean Princess to come sit on him. 
Shuk: The collar matched the pants, though, which I think was a first for the show.
JoAnne: Do you know how much it hurts me that a print of this size is not symmetrical OR repeating? It offends my SOUL. What the fuck IS this? The colors, though, were fine.

The Thermal-Blanket Look
bcook: New York marathon called. They would like their thermal blanket back. Maybe it's a not very obvious reference to Secret Garden and HyunBin's atrocious shiny track suit? Two interesting things: 1. That shiny track suit was a sold out item that year. 2. Read the comments on writer Kim Eun-Sook's asianwiki page...they're precious. 
kakashi: WOW. These people .... really think she will read those comments?! As for the thermal blanket, it does get really cold in Korea. He is just being careful.
JoAnne: When I saw this at first I thought it was silver. Now I see it's gold, sort of.  I wonder if it has that rubberized kind of feel to it?  If it feels like dead chicken skin and you can't even pin down the color I think it's safe to say it's a fashion don't.  

The Just-Kill-Me-Now Look
 
bcook: Following the trend of furniture fabrics, stylist puts him in what appears to be reimagined granny chic. The lime green pants bring out the brown in his eyes. 
kakashi: I am at loss for words. Apart from the "Love is the mooooooment"-song that destroys each and every romantic moment in this drama, this outfit made me gag and almost choke on my food. Yes, I almost died. 
JoAnne: When I was in 6th grade (so....roughly 1972 or so, I think?) I had a Qiana nylon shirt-front dress with this print, or one very much like.  It had an enormous white collar and I wore it with my first pair of real nylons and saddle-leather loafers with platform plantation-crepe souls. I RULED THE SCHOOL in that outfit, which was purchased for Easter, and now Kim Tan has ruined it for me. 
Shuk: Aww, JoAnne. [pat hand]
kakashi: By the time this is over, we'll all need therapy. 
bcook: Thanks Shuk for finding this shot. Notice the large white visible seams on his shoulder? This must be an homage to the early 2000s gangsta fad of wearing your shirt inside out. This clearly means KT may seem mild mannered and forgetful (he's even forgotten all the people he used to bully) on the outside, but inside he's a bad ass.
Shuk: This is the only shot that shows seams - is it a reversible sweater?  Is it the inside of the upholstery one? Only his coordi knows for sure.
JoAnne: That coordi has other part time jobs and one of them is working for her mother's brother's cousin's wife's father's noona, who got a great deal on upholstery fabric from Moldova in 1932.
kakashi: All our Moldovian readers have a right to punish you now, JoAnne.  

The Fondue-Chalet Look
bcook: I guess not. I think I saw this sweater at last years ugly sweater party. It won third prize.
kakashi: This is what we Swiss wear when we go skiing. He may be practicing. Koreans love to come to Switzerland, and it looks like he will be next. 
Shuk: They should have played "The Happy Wanderer" as BGM while he ate.
JoAnne: There's nothing wrong with this sweater other than the fact that he's wearing it at home and it's a ski sweater. There's a time and place, Kim Tan. A time and a place.

The Drug-Dealer Look
bcook: In the UK they call this a drug dealer jacket. *pause* I'm not even joking. 
kakashi: Meta, bcook. Drug dealer jacker, drug dealer Tan. You are supposed to laugh.  
JoAnne: This is an anorak. It's a classic.  How is it a drug dealer jacket?  I really like this outfit. Don't ruin it for me! Although his head does look little small.
Shuk: Google Fu says [The word anorak comes from the Kalaallisut word anoraq. It did not appear in English until 1924; an early definition is "gay beaded item worn by Greenland women or brides in the 1930s".]

The SleaJock-Look

bcook: I could say something about how wearing a fully buttoned shirt with a necklace under a baseball jersey makes him look like a cross between a jock and that sleazy boy who tries to get you into a dark corner while promising you that it'll just take a second (always say no girls. always say no) .... but my mom told me to be nice today.
kakashi: The necklace. What's with the necklace? Nothing against men wearing jewelry ... but ...  
Shuk: He's rocking the Breakfast Club look.
JoAnne: This is basketball player on game day in American high schools, although technically he should also be wearing a tie. The necklace is a no-go.

The Pink-MoHeir Look
bcook: No pink fluffy bunnies or sheep were harmed in the making of this sweater. My eyes however...
kakashi: I hear it also comes in yellow. You can wear it at carnival, if you want to be Tweety.
JoAnne: Did Bean Mom mix up the laundry and put KiMistress' yoga wear in Kim Tan's wardrobe? 
 
The Green Adonis Look (w/ and w/out Green Adonis Coat)

bcook: I'm liking this jacket. Collar popped to show the lining. It's one complete color! The sweater underneath has a wonky neck but that's ok. He's current and classy. Is it just me or does he only look dapper when there's a wrist grab? 
kakashi: bcook, do you want to discuss his acting skills? No? Okay.  
JoAnne: I have no problem with this outfit at all. That coat is killer and the colors work well with his skin and current hair.  I could have lived without the artfully faded jeans but I'm in a minority on that one, generally.

The I'm-Pimpin-The-School-Uniform Look
bcook: You know that thing that kids do to show their individuality while wearing a school uniform? Yeah me neither...but KT is rocking a little floral on the shirt, probably to show his bad-assery (ref, floral sweater above)
kakashi: This is him being a rebel. OMG. I'm so impressed.  
Shuk: I liked the look, maybe because the jacket toned it down a bit?
JoAnne: This didn't bother me at all, speaking as the product of private schools and uniforms for portions of my educational life. 

The OMG-Put-The-LeatherJacker-Back-On! Look

bcook: Jacket on = napeun namja, jacket off = headache and dizzyness. Keep the jacket on.
Segue: LMH does this thing with his mouth during this scene that...I just... *sigh*

kakashi: I am so fascinated by this shirt. So.Very.Much. (am hypnotized ... you can ask me to do anything)
Shuk:  I think he stole a checkered flag from my NASCAR driver.  Hey, Kim Tan, give Kyle back his flag!!
JoAnne: The shirt is a no. The necklace is a we said no ALREADY, pay attention. The red jacket is actually a no, too, if you think about it... but somehow it fools us into being ok with it. That was probably the purpose of the flowered sweatshirt/lime pants combo. It lowered our resistance. What thing did he do with his mouth, though?
bcook: Didn't even see the necklace (so what's the point of having it on stylist dear? What's the point). As bad as these looks are I think JoAnne says it best....

***
JoAnne: You know, these outfits are not great. But let's remember where we started, huh? Gu Jun Pyo ringing any bells, folks? Lest we forget:

I.e.
Or ...
And ...
 And all together now, SING! "Almost Paaaaradise"

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