JoAnne: I can think of much better things to share.
Shuk: Our two favorites write down their ideas for the newest contract:
- Mike’s: Continue doing the household work, do not get involved in each other’s lives except for occasional public functions, and no one can know about the agreement.
- Om-Ams: No kissing or flirting. Hah.
Shuk: Mike argues that, as an “official” married couple, they would be expected to hold hands and such in public. Besides, she’s not his type. Om-Am is happy not to be part of his high-pitched fangirl harem, since being with him is the equivalent of hell.
JoAnne: I think she's already protesting quite a lot too much.
JoAnne: Wait. So they're going to try to make each other fall in love? This is the one piece that contract marriage dramas have been MISSING. I'm in heaven. Unfortunately it smells like chicken feet.
JoAnne: I like them! Don't yell at them!
Shuk: At her shop, MinTramp is busy with a design when Guy shows up. He tries to explain that her actions in front of the reporters caused this ruckus; after all, she could have ruined Mike’s career. She’s still pretty pissy, and wonders aloud why her life has little meaning between the two men.
JoAnne: Oh, would you really like to know, Min? Because I will tell you, if you would really like to know. I would be happy to tell you. Overjoyed, in fact.
JoAnne: This is because Guy made the typical nice-guy mistake of not explaining up front that the OTHER option is get the f*** out of his life for good, and the Mindiot is too self-centered to figure that out on her own.
Shuk: We get some exercise shots, but Mike is wearing a hoodie. Take it off, your workout will be more…err…effective. LOL. He receives a phone call from MinTramp, but he lets it go to voice-mail. MinTramp flashes back to their childhood, the three of them at the playground eating candy floss and playing.
JoAnne: WhatEVER. You can't make me feel sorry for her.
Shuk: The kids are cute; they get their own screenshot.
Shuk: It’s the day of the press conference, and Mike and Assistant Benz are waiting for Om-Am in a meeting room. She asks about their relationship, but he stays silent. Om-Am shows up in a pretty white dress, and Mike is momentarily gobsmacked. He slowly walks towards her and tells her she looks nice.
Shuk: Everybody gets introduced; Om-Am gets increasingly nervous while they are waiting. He coaches her, but it doesn't help calm her, at least until he happy-claps with her. He grabs her hand to pull her to the conference. And she now has a nickname: “Midget”.
JoAnne: My heart literally swelled with joy when he did that. That was affection.
Shuk: The two of them walk out to strobing camera lights through the crowd to a couch on a dais. Mike does most of the talking: They met on a plane to Korea, and he thought she was a cute and natural person. He lays it on thick and has the crowd squealing, and her almost believing, but under the guise of kissing her cheek, he whisper-gloats. She retaliates with a little cutsie action of her own.
JoAnne: The reporters seem to love her.
JoAnne: And I give less than two flying f***s about any of them. What. Yes, that's an actual denomination in my country. Our smallest coin is half a flying f***.
Shuk: At a spa, Om-Am overhears some gossips, speculating if pregnancy is the reason he would marry a short girl. She pouts that she’s 157 cm (5’ 1”). There, she gets the full treatment, hot tub, dry sauna, facial packs, the works.
JoAnne: It's the Bridal Room. Why? The wedding is not today. It's not even tomorrow.
Shuk: The boys meet at the treadmill. Why is Guy wearing long sleeves, Show?? They dance around Om-Am and the situation, and ultimately decide to let it drop while they play squash.
JoAnne: An ill-advised portrait tattoo of Om-Am that he got one drunken night after he met her in Korea. Since he couldn't really remember what she looked like, it more resembles a police wanted sketch than Om-Am, but he doesn't want to take any chances with Mike.
Shuk: Om-Am is almost to the house when a white van shows up. They’re kidnappers of sorts; it the family estate-mobile and she gets introduced to Mike’s mother. They have a great conversation; she is completely accepting of her son’s fiancée, but Grandmother wants to meet her too. She gets cold feet and asks to wait for Mike, but he’s incommunicado, so the two of them go through the woods to Grandma’s house.
JoAnne: Mom is sweetness personified. Even her voice is mom-ish and soothing. You just know that poor motherless, fatherless Om-Am is going to fall in love with her.
Shuk: They interrupt a fruit-carving lesson, and Granny gives her a once-over like she’s livestock: hair, teeth, constitution. Then she starts in on the probing questions: who are her parents, what does she do, etc. She is prevented from answering when Mike calls in. He immediately panics when he finds out where Om-Am is located.
JoAnne: Well, dipshit, you should have thought about this.
Shuk: By the time he gets there, Grandma is teaching her fruit-carving and wondering why she talks back to an elder. He immediately pours on the charm of a favorite grandson, but he still gets yelled at by her. He plays up the hen-pecked boyfriend and the filial grandson to the hilt, and Grandma is happy. We also get an inkling that relations between him and his father are strained.
JoAnne: So fruit carving is like, serious business in Thailand, I guess.
Shuk: On the drive home, he asks her how it went. Om-Am says his grandmother doesn't like her. He recommends using his mother as a buffer. Om-Am wants to have the wedding at the family estate, but he absolutely refuses and tells her to shut up, especially about his father. The argument degenerates until he literally drags her out of the car in the middle of a busy bridge and drives off. Not cricket, Mike. Really, not cricket at all.
JoAnne: More like cockroach, Mike. Definitely cockroach.
JoAnne: Serves his (oh so cute) butt right.
Shuk: She makes it home, but packs up all her belongings back into the battered suitcase and leaves the house. Coincidently, Oom shows up at the house in a flashy car, and Om-Am starts alternately yelling and crying. They leave together.
Shuk: At the Despicable Condo, Om-Am is surprisingly calm towards her cousins. Oom spins a sob story, and our heroine immediately goes into hug mode. Ugh Blech Pfooey.
JoAnne: La la la la la I can't hear you.
Shuk: Mike is pacing at Full House, wondering where Om-Am is. She is outside the condo on a bench; when Oom comes out to talk, she blurts the whole contract marriage thing to probably the second worst person to tell besides the sperm donor. Oom offers her a place to stay, but tells her it would be best to endure for two years and get the house back.
JoAnne: Thaaaaaat's not going to be good.
Shuk: Mike: Pace Pace Pace Call Swear Pace. He ends up sitting on her fainting couch.
JoAnne: He's so cute. He deserves it. But he's sooooooo cute.
Shuk: Oom tries again to convince Om-Am to go back; she is wavering when she gets a phone call from Mike's mother. She's surprised Mom has the phone number; the older woman wants to meet with her as soon as possible, since Grandma now knows everything. Everything??
Shuk: What does Grandma know? I doubt it's the contractual agreement, and Om-Am doesn't have any type of scandalous background, rotten cousin notwithstanding. Still, one must go when the matriarch calls, mustn't one.
JoAnne: Whatever. Let's get to the reunion.
Shuk: Mike's reaction to Om-Am's defense of his dad seem way over the top. Although there was coolness in their meeting, it didn't seem to have the undercurrents of hate and anger that would make our boy so ugly. I'm glad he has some time to think about his behavior; after all, she is one of the few friends with whom he can completely be himself, all snarkiness and vulnerability that he is.
JoAnne: I don't know...he hasn't really talked about it. All the blow ups could have happened in the previous years so now they just sort of ignore each other? But yes, reunionate. Procre...wait.