Birth of a Beauty - Episode 15 (A WookiCap)

There's only one episode of this wonderful show this weekend (everybody please go "nooooooooo"!). And I feel oddly proud we're still recapping this. Everybody can do Heartless City. Or even Age of Innocence. Or Bad Guys! But not everybody will have the endurance to recap Birth of the Shittiest Drama I've ever Watched. Chapeau!
Lafer:  I always knew we were a gifted group. Just didn't realize ridiculous endurance was the gift.
JoAnne: We aren't just funny, you know. Full Disclosure: I haven't watched this in weeks. I don't think it matters.
S@ki6: Eh, I enjoyed it a lot up until these past 3 episodes.
I am actually still watching and comment as I go along. Because sometimes I just have to pause it and rant.

Episode 15

Fuck Ears witnesses how his "wife" willingly gives in to another man and his ears explode from jealousy. Sara has given Tae-hee a bracelet symbolizing their love: as long as it doesn't break, they won't be separated. I wonder ... will it break in this episode? So many more hours to fill. And the episodes are getting longer, too! This one stands at 66minutes, 13seconds.
I just can't stop laughing at Fuck Ears. The name, not him.
becca: I laugh, too, and then I feel bad. Then I don't. Then I do.
I feel nicknames are giving him too much importance.
Actually, this is the best he's ever looked. Which is not saying much for someone with the brain of a pea who clearly seems to be forgetting HE'S GOT ANOTHER WIFE!
Tae-hee is visibly happy, which makes me lose my snark once again. I have a weakness for this man, I really do! When his phone rings, Sara urges him to answer it (I love how the writers are not even trying one bit to write a good story anymore), it's Awesome Assistant and he has news about Grandma's trial date. Tae-hee gets up to talk. Sara is alone. Fuck Ears comes in. He declares she can't marry Tae-hee without his permission. I giggle.
So in Korea you CAN be a bigamist, as long as it's ok with the first spouse?  Huh. Didn't know that.
Basically, in Kangjoon's mind, everything all about him.  Which, to an extent, has actually been true in this drama. 
No accusations of wrongdoing ever stick to him. Great, we have a Teflon man AND a Dough Boy.
Tae-hee is back ... and tells Kang-joon to leave. Kang-joon does leave. Yes, this is exactly how exciting this whole scene was. (I know, not even a shoulder shove.)  (Not even a hey, I didn't say you could wear the same sweater as me!) Tae-hee swears that he'll have the Directors at Winner kick Kang-joon to the curb. By the way, it's not the first time the director of this drama uses mirrors "artfully" (and pointlessly). So I guess Kang-joon isn't madly in love with Sara anymore?
Kang Joon is madly in love with whatever gets him what he wants.
He's misunderstood! All he wants is a woman to worship him and sleep with him any time he wants! Y'know, simple things. *rolls eyes so violently that they pop out and roll under the piano*
KangJoon is madly in love with himself.  He does seem a little scared of his dad, though, so that could be useful in getting him to that padded cell we dreamed about before.  
At Mango House, Tae-hee tells her he wants to get married on Christmas. Which is four days away. Look who's in a hurry! Are your pants on fire?
He's got a lot of kissing and beer drinking to do, Kakashi. He wants to get started.
And if he's reaaaaaally lucky, there will be lollipops!
Cripes, more cartoon couple pyjamas.
He can't wait for a face full of lipstick.
But there's Kang-joon, who has turned into a crazy and scary stalker. By the way, these are no extensions Sara has! They were used for the DNA test and they are Sa Geum-ran's hair. Ji-hoon has a magic hair-growth formula and we all want it!!! (Magnesium shots.  Seriously, my hair grew 3 inches in a month with 2 of those.) Anyway, Fuck Ear is here to tell her that she's still his wife. So not marrying anyone else. He'll also repeat this about forty times until this episode is over.
Really, does he say that in front of his other wife, Cha Yeon? Or have the writers forgotten her now.
Once again, declare someone legally dead and they're no longer your spouse. This really is how the world works. Which is why most jurisdictions wait something in the range of years, rather than 49 days, to declare someone dead. 
But the real question is - why is Sara staying silent? How about YOU TRIED TO KILL ME YOU FREAKIN' IDIOT. DO YOU THINK I'D STAY MARRIED TO YOU?! (Notice that the stupidity is taking its toll and I am starting to shout, a lot.)
Sara has a crisis after this and wants to delay the wedding. But Tae-hee is almost bursting with happiness - how can she do that to him? She can't.
Look at him, he's all pimped out in fur and delirious joy at the prospect of unlimited kissing and hand holding and beer drinking.
He's wearing a bear!!
I give him a pass on wearing a bear.
It is ten times better than the fleece bathrobe that she has been walking around in. And it is all I can do to not jab scissors through the screen to try and cut her hair. 
Their wedding preparations consist of doing things from their two wish lists. Like: going shopping together. Taking selfies (with a PPL camera). Feed each other fishcakes.
Because the little wedding gnomes will take care of locating a venue, hiring a caterer, getting a license, a dress, a photographer, a musician, etc etc etc
What kind of wish list is this? Oh right, the PPL kind....
That's the camera I want.  Which one was it?
Yee of short memory. He planned a formal product launching in under 24 hours. A wedding is nothing.
She chooses a dress (he likes it).
He goes to choose a tux, but Kang-joon gets between us and the pleasure of seeing him put it on. He repeats that she can't marry another man. Didn't they use to have a plan how to drive him insane and/or get him behind bars? Oups, sorry I asked. Kang-joon obviously has nothing to do at Winner because he is now stalking her non-stop, physically.
You know how he always finds them, right? Radar in those ears.
His job etc apparently doesn't matter.
Well, Tae-Hee is not exactly wracking up the overtime at his first days as CEO, either. Which leads me to believe that Winner Food Group will be as successful as his clientless restaurant.

Tae-hee gets a (plastic) Xmas Tree (yay! no allergy attacks!), with many of his wishes in envelopes on it. And a worry doll that looks like him for her to stop worrying. It's broken though, cause Sara is definitely worrying a lot. But she decides that she'll never be a helpless victim anymore. Very good. Hold that thought!
Didn't she already move past that back when she realized who she was and came up with the awesomesauce plan to kick people's asses straight into the dumps where they belong?
Yeah, but the writers forgot for a while, so they think it's new.
I thought she was reviving that memory.
Thank God she finally got some sense. But considering that crazy stalker has already broken into her bedroom, and the fact that they are getting married in 2 days WHY ARE THEY STILL SLEEPING SEPARATELY???? (Sorry--should have warned everyone to turn down the volume.)
She goes on the offensive and tells Kang-joon's family that he was arrested for killing Geum-ran. Kang-joon doesn't like that. Sara doesn't care. I yawn.
Ah, Sara? His dad came to visit him in jail back then. I don't think this is news.
It really isn't.
Actually, I liked this scene.  KangJoon is so lame, and the stalking was pretty creepy, so I liked him being put down.  
Sara has doubts. I yawn.
No, Sara, it's true. Your wardrobe is silly and your hair is a MESS. You absolutely should change your coordi.
And maybe your acting coach?

Chae-yeon gets winds of the marrying-abroad plan. This. CANNOT. be! I can't stop laughing at Dumb and Dumber and how shocked she was over the wedding dress-sa! Tae-hee and Sara receive their plane tickets from Awesome Assistant Choi though. There is no stopping them. Or is there? Evil Han is doing evil moves: Sara working with Winner Foods is a breach of contract (in what world?!) . Sara is very surprised to see the Director of Strategic Planning and her Biggest Fan are one and the same person. And tadaaaa! He is also your future brother-in-law, heheheee.
As it happens, he's all yeasty with desire for you, too. His loaf is rising.
The buns are hot and ready to serve?
I got nothing.  Too busy giggling at the aforementioned comments. 
Evil Han also goes to the warehouse in person, to close it down once and for all. But here comes Tae-hee! And he sets things straight (= tells the 5 workers there that Evil Han is evil and is doing this because he wants to become CEO). The workers look confused. I yawn.
Finally a decent coat on this man.
I would be confused too, but in this writer's world, company politics and labor union strikes are settled in under 2 minutes so no need to worry my little head.
But then, the workers announce that they'll do whatever it takes to save Winner Food! Tae-hee WINS! Yaaaaaay! He smirks so nicely at his brother. I like it. And when Han storms out ... he bumps into someone carrying flour. Ahahahaaaa. That goes on the net immediately. "Han flour bombed. Warehouse terror over adiminstrative authority! Flour baptism". Thank you show! I laughed!
We were right.  Dough Boy.
Given the fact that there are 5 more episodes, I'll bet he will rise for another day.
Sara is scared this will have consequences. Tae-hee doesn't give a shit. But then, a bad omen: the Christmas Tree lights go out. Have a nice picture of Joo Sang-wook.
Not...the Christmas lights!  Gasp!
Oh. What a twist! Evil Han knows his mother is behind the chemical plant explosion. But said mother actually CALLS someone and says "my son knows you are behind the chemical plant explosion". Who? Why? What? Do we care?
She was leaving herself a voicemail reminder.
We don't care, it's okay.
Honestly, do any of us care about any of these other characters?

Chae-yeon is trying to prevent Sara from leaving by pushing back the shoot for the show one day. Haha, Sara just takes a flight a few hours later: which Tae-hee has arranged, since he heard about the change. Take this, Bitch! And then, Chae-yeon goes and meets Halmoni to *yaaaaaawn* bitch about Sara again.
Seriously, this girl is such a waste of good clothes.
It's the crazy eyes.  I'd like to see the actress play a sweet character for a change, just to see her eyes change.
She was hilarious in Protect the Boss, crazy eyes and all.

At minute 48, Joo Sang-wook is wearing a Sonic Youth jumper.
Sonic Youth PPL.  Sure.

Then, they do some wedding rehearsal. Including some forehead kissing.
... because that's totally what normal adults do. Wait, sorry, I said "normal." Forget I said anything.
 If they hadn't of kissed already, I would have thought we were in for one of those kisses like the couples who have their first kiss on their wedding day. Google it - it's not a pretty sight.
Ahahaaaaa. Remember that aide that Grandma has who definitely isn't awesome? We learn he used to do the beast with two backs with Evil Han Mother! And whatdoyouknow? HE is the one who exploded the chemical plant. Do we care? NOT IN THE LEAST. But I did have a good laugh at his AWFUL wig for the flashback! Evil Han orders him to do what he couldn't finish so many years ago: kill Tae-hee. (because if he doesn't, he'll tell Grandma what an evil man her assistant is! And that'll break Assistant's heart!)
And how will you prove that he is evil, stupid yeastman?  by ratting out your mother?
I need something to scrub the mental images from those first few sentences. I DID NOT NEED OR WANT TO KNOW THIS.
Clearly an UnAwesome Assistant.
I don't care. I'm just trying to get through this episode.

Sara and Tae-hee pack and happily leave the Mango House. Sara goes to the broadcasting station, but the changing room is completely empty. It's Halmoni's doing! She has finally come to tell Sara off. She won't allow anyone who causes even the slightest unhappiness to her Tae-hee. Therefore: break up with him! For his sake! Sara is conflicted.
And how does Sara make Tae Hee unhappy?
She sleeps around in Chae-yeon's version. AND she is to blame that the two Han-brothers don't like each other. I know ....
I like how she conveniently left out the part where she's the original man-stealer. Stay classy, Chae-yeon.
Just go away. All you superfluous female characters. Go.
Evil Assistant has someone calling Tae-hee, posing as Sara's oppa. Tae-hee goes. WHY?! And WHERE?! To a warehouse. HOW?! Anyway, somebody hits him over the head and Tae-hee dies. And, oh no, the couple bracelet ... it's broken!
No, but it's definitely time to get a refund on that super sturdy bracelet.
But ... Sara knows how to track him! (Becca, you might know why?)(...because she was married to Radar-Elf Ears and it wore off on her? I have no clue). But when she gets to the warehouse ... she only finds Tae-hee's cold body ... and the broken couple bracelet. What a shame.
Okay but NOW the show is over, right?
Wait, how do you know his body was cold? We cannot make any rational assumptions with this drama.


Yeah. Of course he isn't dead. Of course she'll now "separate" from him to save him because it's totally her fault he was hit over the head.
Someone must be hitting them both over the head. Repeatedly.
Whoever it is, they should hit harder because they keep waking up!
I just want to see KangJoon hit on the head. 
I was actually going to do some intellectual ranting here, but now I just can't. I'm laughing too hard. This is what happens when you comment last.