28 September 2016


Old Nine Gates 老九门 - Episode 24 (Recap)

Posted by SakiVI on September 28, 2016
SakiVI: The tomb action is not exactly exciting, but there are are some manly Fo Ye moments, tender Fo Ye moments, and the usual from Ba Ye and Er Ye.
Kakashi: And balls. Don't forget the balls!

Episode 24 - Searching For An Exit

Back to Fo Ye in this (ikea) tunnel:
Those sheets are affecting his head. He's still hot, so that's okay.
And they look so harmless! What a devilish thing! 
Random blurry Changsha street scenes flood his mind and vision, and Fo Ye roars in pain, before pushing forward, half blind with a headache.
Oh noes! he hits a tripwire that sets off an attack of sharp sheets!
Luckily, it's never quite that exciting at Ikea.
One of them slices his arm. Ouch, that looks like it got the tendon. Good thing Fo Ye has magical healing powers.
He does? Oh, maybe he'll develop an infection, thus a fever, and it will activate his tattoo!
Fo Ye keeps stumbling forward, but these visions of this estate torture his brain.
Those lions are nice.
What does it say about me that I find him even hotter when he's in pain?
Seems it's the Zhang Family home because the next few visions show a man taking to the men of the clan, telling them if they feel something is wrong, it is, and to go fix it. Good advice, if you can trust your feelings.
Emphasis on "immediately".
And look who is seriously listening in his cadet's uniform. 
Awwwww, look how young and fresh he is! And so eager! 
Oh, this isn't a vision, it's a flashback to an actual lecture. Fo Ye tells himself he can't ignore what he's feeling wrong, and what he's feeling wrong is that irritation he felt after the tunnel trip with the old miner and the wigs.
Should have kept your wig on, boy. 
So, he pulls out his big knife, here
one of them has small balls, the other one a big knife.
and he reaches to the back of his head and cuts deep with no concern for spinal injury. 
Skillz. Fo Ye skillz, to be precise.
Actually pulling the thing out is torturous. 
The tattoo MUST be activated!!! Look at how much he's sweating!
But the pain yields results. 
Look away, squeamish people! Oups, too late. 
Gross. And it looks like it was aiming for his brain. Yes, the hair monster is known to do that. Anyway, Fo Ye burns it,
and we cut to the docks.
Chen Pi and Hendry are having tea together - so civilized! - while discussing their evil plans to take down Fo Ye and Er Ye and any other Ye's that get in their way. Jiu Ye is their next problem, according to Hendry. He says he will send a Tang Dynasty jade Buddha to Chen Pi so that Chen Pi can show it to Jiu Ye. Apparently this Buddha is up for auction at the Xin Yue hotel. Chen Pi doesn't want to do this, but Hendry tells him to just do it, and Chen Pi agrees because he's not that independently-minded. Still got a cool nose, though.
This is a particularly good picture of a good nose, well done.
Cut to Fo Ye back in the holey room and Ba Ye whimpering in a corner. 
Ohhh, I'm actually glad these two are back together! There's something missing if they're not.
Yep, my reaction each time I see Fo Ye, Ba Ye!
Whimpering in a corner, you mean?

Ba Ye hugs Fo Ye to find Fo Ye squirming in pain. They get Fo Ye seated at the pedestal of a lion statue where Fo Ye promptly bumps his head and jumps in pain. Ba Ye notes Fo Ye got infected by the Hair Monster again. Careless, Fo Ye.
Seriously, what a FAIL, Fo Ye. Besides, this sequence is hilarious. Fo Ye is even grumpier than usual. 
Fo Ye asks about the diagram Ba Ye made, 
nice, huh, Fo Ye? While you were getting injured, Ba Ye did something useful
and Ba Ye proudly announces he's made an eight character image while they're right under the mines in a secret room that connects everywhere. Fo Ye has the correct response:
This line wins

Ba Ye explains further. Although the room keeps changing its holes - that's right - there are always 64 of them forming a Fu Xi hexagram symbolizing eternity. Fo Ye asks if there is any way to get out? Ba Ye says yes, and Fo Ye screams, SAY IT!
I'm enjoying this sequence a lot. Fo Ye in pain is really a lot of fun, especially when confronted with Ba Ye's enthusiasm about hexagrams and changing holes.
Ha. And Ba Ye's solution? Wait for Er Ye to figure it out because by ancestral osmosis, Ba Ye will know what Uncle Er Ye figured out. 
I would like some ancestral osmosis too. My grandma on my mother's side knew a few super special recipes that I wouldn't mind having in my brain.
Fo Ye is not happy with that response. Understatement of the year. Then Ba Ye proceeds to annoy Fo Ye more by noting how Fo Ye is all injured and that Xin Yue will be so mad.
It's like someone said in the comments a while ago: Fo Ye is not worried about himself, but he is worried that she will be all alone if he dies.
Oddly, Fo Ye then flashbacks to Xin Yue claiming him as the real Peng and other instances of her total cuteness.
Awwww, Saki, he misses her.... I do too, actually. The boys in the tombs are fun, but she is way more fun.
And Fo Ye remembers their adventures and how affectionate Xin Yue is. 
And that he very much would like to kiss those lips. 
Ba Ye snaps him out of it to tell him to figure a way out of this mess.
Yes, those aren't even proper shag-flashbacks (Quiz: which movie uses this term prominently?)
Cut to Er Ye going from one holey room to another. 
Oh, hi there. The other boys are more to the left, I think?
He doesn't meet his friends, though, he meets himself and has an argument about him tomb robbing instead of dying with Ya Tou. No, really, this happened.
Alter Egos often suck, yes
Both Er Ye's end up crying. Still, this really happened! 
What a lost opportunity for bonding! By the way, did the Zhang Ancestors and the Tomb Builders use the same lion designs?
Then Er Ye sees Uncle Er Ye's mark, and knows he had been there too. Okay, but so what? Your uncle was in a lot of rooms in that place.
You know, maybe he can touch the sign for osmosis.
Anyway, Er Ye gets all determined and decides if Uncle Er Ye left the room, then he can leave too!
Fair enough!
Flashback to Uncle Er Ye and his now insane companions. 
Is this before or after they pretended to be non-minor miners? And before or after they set all the traps?
They're obsessed they will die there while Uncle Er Ye is looking at the map and thinking hard and looking hot.
I just wished he would get rid of the hat... It's a deal breaker for me.

Cut to Er Ye looking hot.
I have just now decided to wear my dark red leather jacket tomorrw, in honor of Er Ye!
He is somehow seeing this whole scene with Uncle Er Ye all handsome and the two companions all crazy with fear, and Uncle Er Ye telling them, and Er Ye in the present, "no one in our family is afraid of tombs."
That's useful if you're from a grave robber family.
Er Ye looks again.
He sees Uncle Er Ye, in the past, jump up a couple of levels of holes, and begin drawing the room.
A m a z i n g. 
Er Ye looks at Uncle,
looks at the map, looks at uncle,
and then decides of his uncle got out of there, he could too.
I'm in AWE of his deduction skillz.
Okay, then. Did we have to take this long for this same conclusion without a solution?
Come on, so many pretty Lay pictures. 

Oh, but we do have a solution. A really obvious solution considering Er Ye's special Skillz. Zip the metal balls through the holes and listen where they end up.
He should never have put his balls away
Er Ye finds the exit.
One day, you have to tell me how you did it, Er Ye. One day.
Okay, the three Ye's really didn't need to have separated if he could do this. Or, they could've worked out the routes via tiny balls first.
In all fairness, they did not know they would get lost. 

Cut to Ba Ye and Fo Ye. Ba Ye calculates some bad yellow energy and stresses he doesn't have a white jade wind chime, and then gets annoyed Fo Ye is having fun meditating while they are stuck there. Fo Ye barks at him he heard him, and Ba Ye falls over, Pffft, 
The mean but hot bully pushed him!!!
As Ba Ye is nagging Fo Ye to listen to him talk about 64 holes and 4800 possible routes of which one is the exit, his neck is grazed by something, and he looks up to see Er Ye.
Hahaaaa, one of Er Ye's balls hit him in the head. 
Fo Ye and Er Ye check they're both all right. No one asks about Ba Ye. Er Ye then says this cave couldn't trap his great Uncle, so it can't trap him either. Whatever, Er Ye.
I'm really glad he's feeling his Uncle.
He proceeds to show the map to Fo Ye.
Then Er Ye gives some explanation that basically involves finding the one and only exit.
Good. Are we there yet?
Ba Ye wonders why the blueprint - oh, it's a blueprint now, is it? - looks so familiar. Maybe he can do osmosis too? At any rate, Ba Ye finally decides they can't get out of this place, but Er Ye just says follow me, and the other two go sure. Glad that's settled!
There's all this heroic music for Er Ye and his intricatelywoven balls.
Never was a man glader to have some.
He shoots his balls, and listens to where they go. It's all very dramatic.
Do you think this could be done with noodles too? I imagine the hair monster would be quite taken aback if noodles made an appearance.
FoYe and BaYe are happy to follow.
They can see the merits of the balls.

To be precise,
Ba Ye is happy to follow. Fo Ye just looks intense.
He is just making sure the hair monster does not get him a third time!

Then they come out to another shelf.
And because I kept forgetting to show these earlier, here are the gargoyles we've been repeatedly seeing throughout this episode. I call the one on the wall "Hendry".
It really looks like him! Eerie!
For Ye asks Ba Ye if they should go forward or return and Ba Ye says, if I'm with you, my love, I can do anything, so let's go forward. Okay, not quite, but it was all very bromancey for people who like that sort of thing.
Oh my goodness, I have actual tears in my eyes
Er Ye shoots his tiny metal balls.
Do you think he's secretly dreaming of large balls?
Fo Ye looks hot. Ba Ye is somewhere there too.
Er Ye goes into his listening trance. One of the balls comes flying back! just imagine Er Ye kicking it into another hole because I couldn't get the picture.
I refuse to make a gif of someone kicking balls.
And they find the safe exit this way, and Fo Ye says he will stay.
Excuse me???
Fo Ye says he wants to find the vault so that he can take what the Japanese wanted to take. Then he and Er Ye get into this big fight over who gets to be the hero who goes to the vault, because boys.
Er Ye is all melodramatic, saying he has no ties and should go, while Fo Ye says he can't let Er Ye be in danger. okay, bit late for that, Fo Ye.
Ba Ye negotiates it all, and Er Ye is the one to go in, while Fo Ye and Ba Ye wait.
But please don't take another full episode to actually move, yes?
Er Ye remembers hearing one of the metal balls hitting metal doors, and says to give him 4 hours, after which, you two leave. He must've forgotten he's talking to Fo Ye.

Er Ye goes in, Fo Ye sits down, and Ba Ye wonders if they shouldn't just follow?
Did you not just spend many minutes discussing this??!
Cut to Xin Yue going somewhere.
She is a bit nervous, which her maid notes, and which Xin Yue puts down immediately.
Then she walks into the room, takes a few deep breaths and kneels, crying, "Daddy!" but the person who comes through isn't Boss Yin, but someone else.
Yes, another HOT UNCLE. 


Fairly slow, and how Er Ye is able to observe his dead grand-uncle, I'll never understand. Guess that's just cause he has awesome skillz. The episode was saved by two things: Fo Ye's big knife, and Xin Yue's new storyline. And dear Reader, do appreciate how I spared you Hendry's teeth.
You keep forgetting the balls. The balls were good too. 

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