The Weasel Grave 鬼吹灯之黄皮子坟 - Episode 7 (Recap)

SakiVI: In which we finally get some tomb raiding activity and spooky stuff, even though it's not technically in a tomb.
kakashi: The first good episode. I wasn't even bored.
Trotwood: Finally, we get some adventure. Look, Ma! We can fly!
JoAnne: And then there's Fatty, the dumbass.

Episode 7

We start by looking at a spooky snow-covered tree, wooooo. So mysterious. Our Scooby Gang appears, and it's the place where Hua Bangzi poisoned the bear. Hu Bayi recites, "One in water, two in earth, three in thunder, four in wind." Then, he says, that way.
That winter forest is really the most beautiful winter scene I've ever seen
My daughter is visiting for holiday (yes, the same daughter that wrote down my sleep deprived Thumping Spike rant), and I showed her that opening and forest because it's so crisply gorgeous. I also said to her that I thought they were trying to distract viewers from the fact that nothing is happening and no one has died in several episodes.
It is a really pretty drama, in general. Even the rougher locales, the lighting they use makes it all very romantic and dreamy.
Ah, they are following the pretty compass to somewhere near the spooky tree. And wow, the snowy forest looks amazing! Fatty trips, but doesn't find anything, so he clearly hasn't developed his stumbling skillz yet.
I could watch snowy forest for 30 minutes, I wouldn't complain
So pretty, I also wondered how many takes they did with him falling and if he was bruised up because of it or if all the cold weather clothing helped pad his fall. (I had to think of something because nothing is happening)
Don't they have mattresses kind of out of sight for them to fall on?
The compass is acting funny. Some magnetic field is interfering with it. So, Bayi checks the landscape for clues to the temple. Okay, but how special are his skillz if Erhei can find the same location without all the studying Bayi did?
Did Erhei fall in at this spot? Will our friends fall on top of him?
Erhai has the stolen map. I still can't figure out why Bayi doesn't draw a new map if he drew the other one. Or would that take too long?
It wouldn't be SUSPENSEFUL. Well guess what, show. Neither is this.
Anyway, Bayi can't find the opening and thinks he has failed his ancestors. (Ancestors he just acknowleged like five minutes ago). Qiaoshan tells him to take a break. Yanzi tries to get him to eat bread. Was it bread? It looked very orange. At first I thought it WAS an orange, but then when he bit it, it was very oddly shaped..and if it was an orange, that's not how you eat an orange, Bayi. Quioshan and Huamei share a Look, and Huamei goes to Bayi with the bread. He refuses, but she quietly puts it in his hand and tells him he can't expect to find the lost weasel temple in one try. It's not like digging for sweet potatoes. (Sidebar: is that what they are eating?) She tells him this location used to be a gully, but after a landslide, it became a mountain (really?). Bayi is chewing because Huamei gave him food and not Yanzi. And he's all excited now because he can recalculate on the compass - seriously, how does that thing even work? - because the landslide turned everything upside down. So, anyone else think he's working way harder than Erhei for the same result?
Erhei followed the weasels, that's hard work too. 
I just think that once again the series is pushing on a us romance that is awkward at best, unnecessary at worst. I felt the same way for almost all of Candle.
Hu Bayi:  Tales of a Mojin, or How I Almost But Not Quite Get the Girl in Every Story
Bayi runs, and Huamei smiles. Wonder what she and Qiaoshan want, really? (there are so many secret looks and nods between them, but more from her following her dad's lead completely.)The compass brings them to Spooky Tree, and Fatty is annoyed, but Bayi sees scratches there. From the bear, he says! It's where the bear sharpened his claws! And we know the bear lived near the old Weasel temple, so yay! Yanzi asks why the bear hit the tree. Bayi thinks he smelled something underneath and came every day. Bayi tells the Scoobies that every entrance has a key, and that this tree is the key! Yay!
Qiaoshan always does this little head-nod thing to Huamei, I find it annoying. 
It's like he is telling her some secret code. I felt they also coincided with times he believes in what Bayi is saying.
So if he doesn't agree, then what?  They redirect him?  Do you ever feel like they already know the answers to the questions he's pursuing, but they need him to get them to the place that they can't quite reach on their own?
Sidebar: shouldn't there be a hole where the Yuckies fell in?
I won't go back to check, are we sure this is the same location.
I didn't think this was the same exactly spot but in the general area. It hasn't been snowing, so they would've seen tracks of the others by now.
We'd have remembered that tree. Well not me, because I dozed off and didn't see the Yucky Plummet.
Bayi throws a rope at the tree, and they all pull and the tree comes down. That makes me sad like Dogmatix gets when a tree is cut down. On the other hand, that's one less thing for these boys to pee against...
Plus, it was already dead and halfway uprooted. 
And they don't actually pull it all the way down. I remember thinking they should pull some more to make the hole easier to climb in, but maybe they still wanted it to be closed to the general public.
If it's open a smidge or a mile, it's the same amount of open to everyone.
There's a hole underneath and Huamei says this must be the fabled Ghost Court. Bayi asks, what Ghost Court? Dude, did you think Huamei was there just for you? Huamei says it's the entrance to the Yama Palace (wut?) and that anyone who goes through will become a wretched ghost who can never return to the human world. So, does that mean they all will die?
I like it. But how does she know that from looking at the roots of a dead tree? 
Finally, some death talk. I was at least hoping that Bayi's exposed fingers would suffer from frost bite, but then I remember that his fingers are all intact for Candle. Sigh.
My bloodthirsty friend.  You are so cute when you talk amputations and death.
Fatty does his usual materialist scoffing. Yanzi says it's all true, and the blind lady told her so. Bayi says if it's true, he wants to see this Yama Palace. Yes, I want you to see this Yama Palace too! He's all, Nether World, Phooey! Let's see it.
Yes, let's! 
Yes, please. I need some tomb monsters!
Blind people are known to be particularly truthful, is that it?

Bayi hacks at the fallen tree's roots and clears space through which we see a spooky hole, woooo. And a spooky screech screeches! Woooooooo! Fatty wonders if a brothel is down there, pffft.
Makes me wonder what kind of brothels he usually goes to.
Makes me wonder if he is even paying attention to what is actually going on right now.
Treasure House:  Our nether regions aren't dusty OR haunted...unless you pay extra.
Bayi jumps down, and the rest follow. Down they go into the dark passage way that's always underground in these types of shows. Yanzi, however, is concerned that they didn't report to the village secretary they are hunting for gold in the weasel temple. She is concerned something bad might happen and that no one would come help them. Bayi says they have uncle Qiaoshan, so nothing will happen to them.
I actually think if one of them dies, then him
I'm really sad because I sort of like him. In fact, the only people I don't like all that much--besides the Yuckies--are Fatty and Bayi, and we know that they survive because this is  a prequel.
Oh, Qiaoshan can't die. That's a deal breaker for me.
Okay, as the kids chatter on, they are all crawling in a really tight and uncomfortable-looking passage, and finally, finally, they are able to stand. Except they next almost fall off a ledge into a steep abyss. It's like they went deep into the earth where a whole new mountain range is kept.
They like steep abysses in these kind of shows. 
Well it's boring to just walk along a broad, well lit, level-surfaced tunnel.
Looking across the abyss, which is rather narrow, they see the gate of the fabled Ghost Court! Yay!
Blow sand onto the secret, yet hidden bridge! I'm sure it's there! 
Like Indiana Jones?
Oooh, I liked those movies.
But they can't get over there. Yanzi says, right let's go back, and I'll make pancakes. (I actually laughed out loud at this line) No, Yanzi, cross the abyss now, and eat pancakes later, mmmkay? We've suffered a lot of sitting around and cryptic discussions and we are going across this abyss.
That was pretty funny, though.
Fortunately, Bayi has his grandfather's book memorized, and notes the wailing wind. He quotes, "Outside the treasures mountain lifeline exist wind gaps. With the wind blows, people who feel the air consider it dragon breath." Whadjutalkinabout, Bayi, asks Yanzi? That's easy, really, because this isn't wind, it's dragon breath. mmmkay.
Is there a difference? 
I was with Yanzi here. What the heck is he talking about? Why not just cut to dragon's breath? Say it's from the dragon on the map. End of story.
I was pissed off there was no actual dragon, just gonna warn you.
Bayi checks his compass. Within the gold vein, there must be a dragon den. Within the dragon den, there is dragon breath. Look, there's not an actual dragon is there? Because that seems too much for this show to do. Anyway, Bayi goes on to explain that the wind diagram ranks 54th in the Book of Changes. The diagram reads, "A lonely boat lands the beach. Can't advance or retreat without waters. But once it rains and waters come, it can flow anywhere." Basically, Bayi has his granddad's book memorized. And Fatty says what I'm thinking, "Bayi, hurry up. How can we cross this?"
Build a human chain across?
And I'm thinking, if he had the book memorized, why did he ever have it out to leave in an open space where it could be easily stolen?
It's safe to say we won't be using the glitter portion of our budget in these recaps.
But no, the quoting hasn't ended. (will it ever?) Qiaoshan intones, "When war is gonna burst in the north, nomads will pull back their sheep herd." This a poem by Du Fu, someone Bayi shouldn't recognize being a child of Cultural Revolution. I guess it's something professional tomb raiders know, because Bayi asks Qiaoshan if he's a professional, and Qioashan growls that wherever wind hides and air gathers constitutes the best place in geomantic terms. He says (Dear Reader, I am tired of all these quotes!) that although Mojin Xiaowei do well in locating things, they have to stand upland to recognize dragon breath. Yeah, someone else explain what Qiaoshan is saying.
Dammit, I was hoping you would.
I think I began to close my eyes during this bit. I figured if someone started screaming, I would open them because that would mean someone was dead or dying.
He also snorts with disgust at the idea that he would be one of those professionals. I want to know about Qiaoshan, badly. Feels like he might have been on a few expeditions.

Anyway, Qiaoshan thinks they are already above the gold vein. Cool. Bayi says, oh, right, when the miners broke the gold vein (wut?) there was a blast of smoke. Qiaoshan says, yes, that smoke was this air. (Sidebar: does anyone else think Huamei looks anaemic?) Fatty is excited they'll find gold and can contribute to the world revolution. Yanzi points out they can't cross the abyss.
Huamei looks weird and her eye makeup doesn't help.
I did notice that her lips are very pale.

But Bayi thinks that there may be swirls of air in this weird geographical formation. And then, Fatty asks the crucial question: what's the point of the dragon breath because it can't get them across? Aha! Bayi says he will borrow some useful wind. (Sidebar: Erhei isn't there.) Using Huamei's gun, he ventilated the dragon's breath by firing shots into the gorge so that sound waves of the gunshot will be conducted to rock stratum, creating a powerful vibration. When the vibrations of the rock stratum reaches the limit, the geographical infrastructure will be influenced to draw more dragon breath. (Kids, don't try this at home. Try in a mystical gorge way underground where there's a weasel temple.) And with the gunshots, the wind does blow faster and harder.
This made absolutely no sense to me, but I went with it because I was hoping something would actually happen from those gun shots even if it prompted avalanche in the tomb.
Yeah, if there's an avalanche someone could die, so I can see you approving that.
Bayi yells, For the Revolutions, and jumps! He rides the wind up and down and a bit to the sides, and yells at the rest to swim with him to the other side. Qiaoshan and Huamei follow. They are out for gold, right? Then, of the two behind, Yanzi is ready to jump first. Though, to be fair, she basically pushes Fatty first, and then jumps too.
So.... you can't really swim in the air, can you. Don't you need some real resistance to push forward?
I thought this was actually pretty cool (or was I just desperate for something "magical" to happen). And if they saw what he was doing, why didn't they start strapping on their belongings so they'd have their hands free? 
Because they don't have a full brain between the four of them.
Bayi yells at them to swim to the stone gate, hurry! He gets across first and helps the rest. Of course (of course), Fatty is fooling around and falls as the wind starts to die down. Bayi grabs him in time, and then there's this human body pile as they're all trying to pull him up over the ledge as a result. Pffft.
Of course Fatty would do that, but special: I thought it was funny. 
It just made me wonder, for the thousandth time, Why he and Bayi are friends. 
My thought: God, why isn't he dead yet?
Next we see all the creepy drawings on the walls. This is the Ghost Court, people. There are torches ready to be lit, and lit they are. That saves some battery. (Also, remember they are down a flashlight because he dropped it in the abyss when he almost fell into it at the end of flight scene. As they look around, Yanzi asks if they are in the weasel fairy's nest? Sure, why not.
Yes, didn't you know? You go into a tomb, where there are always torches you just take from the wall and light. 
Actually, think about it - it makes sense that there'd be torches.  Tombs are built by humans.  Humans need light to see. Makes sense they'd have light sources ready to go.
Huamei looks at the ash in some bowl and finds blood. Could be red paint too. Pfff, so dramatic. Okay, I didn't quite get how there could be blood in an ash-filled bowl in a place that's been hidden for centuries, but whatever. Qiaoshan just says that mountain ghosts drink human blood. They are all standing at a sacrificial alter by now, and Bayi says, nah, that's chicken blood. This temple was for worshipping weasels, so chicken it was.
Good thing weasels like chicken.
Everyone likes chicken, though.  
Qiaoshan says the Ghost Court is the Weasel Temple and that they're on the right track for treasures. Yanzi asks if the nether world is below the temple and if they're really going to it? Qiaoshan says, yep, they are, and to pay attention. Then Bayi says, Old Dude, you know a lot! Sorry, but don't we all know by now that Qiaoshan knows a lot? (nodding) How did Bayi miss that? Qiaoshan is also annoyed and tells Bayi, Be Good. They argue over whether he has said 1 word or 2. No really, that happened.
I'm sure that means something, elsewhere, but I didn't get it
I didn't get it and didn't care. 
I noticed it, wondered about it, then moved on.
They go down a narrow stairwell and look at loads of rocks and hanging rope thingies. Then, Bayi realizes Fatty and Yanzi are missing. Then his torch goes green and everything gets extra spooky. YAY. Then a headless ghost chokes Bayi! The shadow on the wall, though, shows a man-sized Weasel choking him. It's actually rather funny. Bayi chokes out, "I'm a Mojin Xiaowei. How dare you!" And he flings the ghost off. Then he sees a green will-o'-the-wisp flying around. Is that the ghost in will-o'-the-wisp form?
I'm a bit vague on all this too.
Didn't understand much except the weasel ghost.
The wisp came first, didn't it?  There was always a wisp, then a choker.  I assumed the chokers were not actual weasels, but ghost priests of the temple, ie: ghosts of men wearing weasel masks.
The headless ghost chokes Bayi again, though not very effectively since he quotes revolutionary poetry and shakes it off. Third time the ghost chokes him, and this time, it's two man-sized weasel ghosts! He drops his torch, and sees the will-o'-the-wisp floating, and, despite being choked, huffs and puffs and blows that thing to smithereens!
I really liked the weasel fairy ghosts. Shame they're gone. 
Seems like that was way too easy. It was more difficult listening to all that quoting.
More death! More destruction! Less literary culture!
The light goes back to normal. Bayi is now gasping for breath. He looks up and sees everyone hanging from ropes. I think those were roots. They're underground, these are the roots of trees. They are all trying to choke themselves to death, which is impossible if you think about it. He gets Huamei down first, and breaks the rest from their trances, and tells them they have all been possessed and that this place is really creepy. Qiaoshan says, oh, this place stinks, and calls for water. Our Scoobies all soak their hankies and then breathe through wet hankies - oh, that looks weird written out - and Qiaoshan says they were possessed because they were sniffing weasel pee. Yunno, I'd say forget the gold vein and bottle that pee and sell to clubbers at underground raves. But that's me.
You're kind of strange.
Moving on, Yanzi sees something on the ground. She screams! Ghosts!
That's her hat. But I'm glad we're continuing the scary theme, apparently. 
She picks up her hat (smart since it's winter), dusts it off, looks up, and then screams.
I bet she finds her scarf.


So, that was fun for a change. And unintentionally funny, too.
Best episode yet. 
Would have been better if someone had died.
Torture would be acceptable, I think.