25 October 2013

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The Heirs - Episode 6 (Pull some Heir and Squee(cap)?)

Posted by Kakashi Sensei on October 25, 2013
kakashi: Oh man. There is a lot of pent-up rage in this chicka here. Imagine, the bus was late! Like ... really late! Twice! It is so wonderful that I can unleash some of this anger on Heirs now. You must know that 2.5 out of 4 recappers have already fallen for this show. Tsts. Unbelievable. But I will stand strong! I will remain the bastion of Heirlessness! And believe me ... it was really easy. In short? A lousy episode.
JoAnne: Deng! Not so! (Come to me, my tiny fluffy chicks of teenage confusion.)
Episode 6

kakashi: Bean Princess disturbs the eye-loving between our Frenemies (who have made JoAnne lose her panties). Kids, it is dangerous to walk and fondle your smartphones! Seriously. I know someone who knows someone who has died because of it.
JoAnne:  Honestly, I heard this loud boom and when I went upstairs, even the panties in my top dresser drawer had burst into flames.

kakashi: I am sure we are going to find out at one point - maybe in, hm, 10 episodes or so? - why they hate each other so much, right? Ergo, we do not need to linger on this weird scene, which could be right out of a sageuk like Faith, just with different hair and clothes. Who stares at each other like that?!
JoAnne: Boys. Hot Boys. Hot Boys with lots of testosterone. Hot Boys with lots of testosterone who would do better to expend that testosterone in ways that do not involve establishing heirarchy at school. Come on over, boys. I've got the good cookies.
kakashi: Anyways, Bad Heir whistles and calls the Bean a gift-box (that he wants to slowly ... unwrap?). And Kim Tan, all gruffly, asks whether she came here without wearing a uniform (what, he has already undressed her in his mind?!). That makes Bad Heir realize that Kim Tan knows his new Interest already (and better than him!) and we see in his face that he doesn’t like it. Wow, Woobie! You acted really well there!
JoAnne: Many of Woobie's best looks ever are featured tonight. There is one that is even better than when he was pink-haired Mireu in White Christmas. Sigh.  Mireu was so delicious.  Unfortunately, even Woobie's best look tonight (black leather at the bike shop, if you were wondering) did not include Woobie's boobies, so I am sad.
kakashi: Baby Heir comes to the rescue of Bean Princess and walks her away briskly, while the Frenemies just continue with their little power play. With Bean Princess gone, they pull poor Rachel here and there (I do now officially feel sorry for her) and keep pissing at each other. Figuratively.
kakashi: Bad Heir is a total jerk, because he once again mentions Kim Tan’s “mother” issue. So is that the big deal? Bad Heir knows he isn’t exactly from the main pedigree? *yawn*
JoAnne: That's the deal for them, yes.  Not sure why it's such a BIG deal, but whatever. Also not sure why BadReallyBadTerriblyBadTonight Heir hasn't just spilled the beans of truthiness about the mom situation, so I'm guessing there's more to it than we realize.
kakashi: I notice, once again, that Rachel is really, really short. Some might think this is not relevant information, but I think it is, because we could totally call her Short Heir!!! (so proud of you) Currently, she is alone with Good Heir and is complaining about the lack of information she had on Kim Tan's return to Korea. He is cold and rude. She then wants to know whether he has anything to do with Bean Princess’ transfer (he denies), she ventures on to talk about “them” – but he rudely walks away. If I am supposed to like him, I am not, cause he really is very mean to her.
JoAnne: He really is, and he doesn't seem to be that way by nature...so if he's given up his bullying ways why is he such a shit to her? Is it because he didn't choose to be engaged?  That's not HER fault.  So he's doing some passive aggressive bullshit maneuver to get her to dump him so he doesn't have to piss off PapaWheelie by doing it himself?
kakashi: In the meantime, Baby Heir is filling Beans in about the hacking order here in Promised Land. There is a strict class or rather caste system. There are 4 tiers: On the Top Level is the Business Heir Group, aka the Chaebol offspring. That would be Kim Tan, Bad Heir, Short Heir, etc. On the Second Level, there is the Stock Heir Group (that's Krystal and some other chicks: they will not inherit the family business, but they are major shareholders). Third, there are the Honorable Heir Group (In there are Thick Heir and Dying Heir, the offsprings of ministers, politicians, judges, etc.). And then, finally, way down there, the Social Welfare Group. They are here with Welfare Scholarships, and are worth nothing. (That would be Baby Heir, Ball Boy, and Princess) Got it? Oh wow ... this drama isn't about High School and first sex love but about the Social Caste System! And how people try to overcome it! So innovative!!!
JoAnne:  Like there's any new stories out there, anywhere.
kakashi: You are going to defend this show until the bitter end, right?
kakashi: I shall try to do some kind of ffwarding equivalent in writing, because all that school stuff really bores me to hell and back. Anyways, she tries to cover up that her mother is a housekeeper by putting down "housewife" as her job, but her teacher knows what's what. However, a guy with huge glasses overhears it and looks at her with big eyes. Good guy? Bad guy? Nothing guy? 
JoAnne: That's the ball boy from the first episode. The one Young Do was having his minions beat up.
kakashi: She gets introduced to her class ... of course Good Heir and Bad Heir are in that class, too. She starts her greetings, people giggle because she speaks formally to them. She changes into banmal and says that she is just an ordinary person who wants to go through school quietly. Of course they will not let her, though, cause, you know, drama! So one guy asks how she got into the school in the first place. The question really throws her off … and she struggles for an answer. But ... Kim Tan to the rescue! He puts his hand up, saying he is also a new student, goes up there to do his greetings as well and shoos Beans away.
JoAnne: Somehow I think that acting ashamed of her place would encourage people to think of her as weak, but what if she OWNED that shit? What if she said straight out that her mother is a housekeeper and she's there on scholarship and you know, just go ahead and ignore her if it's easier, but she's good on all her shots and she PROMISES no one will get cooties if they take the seat next to her.  I would make friends with that girl.
kakashi: There is a semi-funny meeting between WineMom and BeanMom (who is dressed rather sexily and who is cleaning a huge bath tub) and later between Mom#1 and Mom#2. They bicker and fight, I yawn. We learn nothing new. Filler.
JoAnne: Agreed.  Next! Although.... it's sad how excited and proud KiMistress is about her son, and how NO ONE lets her have any of the joy of it.
kakashi: Back at Boring High, Kim Tan meets Dying Heir (or whatever his name is), are they chingus? Some more gay jokes. Why? I do not even find them remotely funny. The absolutely pointless scenes continue as Krystal comes into the broadcasting room and turns right back when she sees Kim Tan, pretending to be on the phone. Why is she behaving like that? So stupid. So you dated? Who gives a fuck!
JoAnne: It was just a bus, Kakashi... let it go.  Cher will be happy to see more of Kang Ha Neul. I was too, I like him.  Plus it's funny that CLEARLY their relationship wasn't much to Kim Tan and he's all happy to be friends and Stringy is just on entirely another planet only slightly familiar with the concept of sanity.
kakashi: More absolutely pointless stuff. So Stupid Hair (that's Krystal) thinks Kim Tan will challenge Baby Heir to a fight (huh?!). And then, she switches into ENGLISH. Sure, her English is perfect, but WHY. She think he still might have feelings for her (WTF) and says ”Gosh I hate him so much but he is so hot” (I laugh and laugh and can’t stop)
JoAnne:  Her English wasn't perfect but it was way better than anyone else's because she was born in the US and didn't move to Korea until she was in school.  Wait, you weren't asking why so perfect you were asking why at all?  No clue.
kakashi: In the corridor, Thick Heir is nice to Beanie again and wants to know whether she is in the "Charity group" or the "Nouveau riche group" and ... Kim Tan to the rescue! He says she is new money. He also tells her to follow him and she … does not. Hahahaaaa, she just walks in the opposite direction. I guess it’s a total turn-on for Lonely Rich Boys.
JoAnne:  This 'newly rich' thing will backfire, ohhh so dramatically. I get why he thinks it's the best option but hello, she has NO money. The newly rich? It might be new, but they GOTS MONEY.
kakashi: Outside, Bad Heir trips her … and catches her arm before she falls. "If I don’t trip you, I cannot hang on and prevent your fall", he says. He is kinda cool. Everything he says sounds like a threat, it's delicious. She thinks he is weird, and he asks: not scary? He then really, really wants to know what her relationship to Kim Tan is, but she doesn't really want to say. He then says: “Starting today, you are mine” – but hold your squees! He doesn't mean it that way … but he means to say she is his “shuttle”, someone who is bullied and performs errands.
JoAnne: Dick. Hot dick, but a dick.
kakashi: And then ... Kim Tan to the rescue! He finally gets her to talk to him. Why is she avoiding him? he asks, but she says she can’t really: he is everywhere she goes. She doesn’t want his pity or sympathy, she wants him to pretend not to know her. She thinks he is the reason why people look at her weirdly and she wants him to stay away from her.
JoAnne: Girl doooo have a point, Tan.
kakashi: A semi-pointless filler scene with Baby follows. He is fixing a computer. In THAT room. It’s a college-prep workroom, aka Thick Heir’s hideout. With nightclub lighting. finally, the secret identity of the room has been revealed! Kim Tan tells Baby to keep quiet about Beans real background if he cares.
JoAnne: Shhhh, don't startle it....we just witnessed a tiny baby bromance beginning.  I really did wonder about that room though.
kakashi: Krystal comes in, sees Kim Tan, runs out again.
JoAnne: The phone thing.  Baby Heir's chuckle at her stupid, stupid fakiness. He's not blind about his lady love at all.  He sees her for what she is, which makes me think there  must be more to her than WE see.  But for now she's just weird comic relief.
kakashi: God beware she'll ever be more.
kakashi: Bean, now at home is unhappy, she wants to move out, she goes to one of her 4245098098 part-time jobs. Yes. life is hard. We get it.
JoAnne:  You must feel the struggle in order to understand the struggle.  Be one with the struggle. Embrace it. Embraaaace it. It will come to Kakashi, one day. The love for this show is within you.   We will bring it out into glorious sunlight with maybe some partial shade.
kakashi: Kim Tan is in the wine cellar, clearly waiting for her. He is wearing an atrocious sweater with two parrots on it. Ah, I know! He goes back in time with a time machine and gets the ugliest outfits he can find from the past! When she is coming in, he hides. Why? Hasn’t he been waiting? Or is this show now no longer about high-school students but kindergarten kids!? She brings a laptop with her, listens to some music, and searches the web for 2nd hand uniforms. Then, they both sit there in the dust, doing nothing, boring me to death and beyond. For frigging minutes. I am so bored by now I feel like going to sleep.
JoAnne: Seriously. I think we got the point, Show. You could have just shown us the two sitting there in dejection, separated by that brick wall, and we would have GOTTEN IT.  The back and forth and back and forth and back and forth just pissed me off. It's not like I was going to forget who was sitting there.
kakashi: Finally, something happens!!!! He texts her, writing that he wants to see her. She asks back where he is, and he immediately jumps out, going "Here"! I guess this is supposed to be funny, I do chuckle dutifully. He sniffs her hand (a total pretense) and there is a semi-charged moment. Yes, hand-sniffing is indeed very arousing. Anyways, he tells her to have lunch with him tomorrow.
JoAnne: That was a total WTF moment for me until he mentioned smoking.
kakashi: Ah, now we're speaking the same language. For me, it's one BIG WTF moment, from beginning to end.
kakashi: Of course, she wants nothing to do with Kim Tan and sits down herself. Bespectacled Student approaches. He is Flat Heir. If he is a Heir. He tells her to move, it’s his place. She doesn't get why, but it isn't a threat - he wants to help her. He tells her never to reveal her true identity. And bear it well, not like him. He is going to transfer soon. Ah! NOW I GET IT! He is the one kid that was bullied in the first episode!
JoAnne: It would be so much easier if I could comment as you write. OMG I just had a brilliant idea. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

kakashi: And there we go, Bad Heir and his Band of Bad Brothers appear and start bullying. (Oh my goodness: This REALLY is a High School drama! I still can’t believe it. I even thought we could be friends eventually, this drama and I!) Bean wants to intervene, but … Kim Tan to the rescue! He drags her away.
JoAnne: Never fear, though, because Bad Heir is near, and getting closer.
kakashi: We learn that Kim Tan used to be a Bad Heir and bullied people with the other Bad Heir. Or maybe we already knew.
JoAnne: Yeah, we knew.
kakashi: Of course we did.  

kakashi: More useless boring stuff in the music room: Bad Heir comes in, kicks everybody out, fights with Kim Tan again. He says the school is too small for both of us, so leave - Before he calls him "son of a mistress in public". This is already getting SO OLD. I think they should kiss. They could rub their identical lipstick against each other. Could there at least be a real fight? Of course: no.
JoAnne: I read 'could rub their identical' and that was the end of the line in draft view and I was SO READY for the end of that sentence but my sentence did not end with lipstick oh no it did not.
kakashi: But Bad Heir is back at the motorcycle shop. When Bean comes in, delivering something AGAIN. Cause she always delivers to that shop right when he is in there. Naturally. He gets all greedy-eyed over her. She comes running back in, it’s later, with another order. But the guys in the shop didn’t order. Who might it have been? Of course! Big Bad Wolf! He now has her phone number and tells her to answer his calls, if she doesn't want to be exposed as part-timer at school.
JoAnne: So he didn't remember that it was her, he just knew she was familiar?  Ho§w hot is he in black leather, seriously?
kakashi: Now, there's some bits that are bearable. Because it is not at the School of the Thousand Boredoms. The Father is out in the yard, but not at all in a wheelchair. How can we call him WheelDaddy now?! He says he likes both sons, but Kim Tan says that him and his brother both don’t like him. Which doesn't bother the WheelyDaddy at all. He tells Kim Tan to reserve some time tomorrow: they will go and get his brother to come back.
JoAnne: I cannot figure out the dad's deal.
kakashi: Awwww, poor Sex Heir is sick. Tutoressa is feeding him porridge or is at least trying to, because Sex Heir gets an electrifying phone call, which orders him to the office. Before he can change in front of her, she leaves. He is very obviously and visibly disappointed.
JoAnne: AS ARE FUCKING WE.  Do not give me that shoulders shit. I am a grown ass woman and I am watching this goddamn teenage show so I can see me some nearly nekkid Choi Jin Hyuk and you will goddamn fucking well give it to me if you know what is good for your mother-effing teasing ass LIFE, show.
kakashi: NoLongerWheelyDaddy and KimTan arrive at the office - poor Kim Tan doesn't like this at all. The exact purpose of the meeting eludes me, but NoLongerWheelyDaddy introduces his 2nd son to the shareholders or whatever they are. There also is an uncle, I don't know whether he is of any importance. He plays golf. Anyway, Sex Heir gets there, late, because there was traffic and he needed to go to the hospital first (cause he has the flu or whatever).
JoAnne: Couple of things.  First, Dad's putting it out there that there are TWO sons, both important to him. Apparently not important enough to be considerate of their feelings, but whatever on that.  (Did you see poor baby Won's stricken face? AND the worry in Tan's because he knew how it would look to his beloved hyung?) Second, I'm guessing the golfing buffoon is the KiMistress brother. Third, this was very painful to watch because apart from expecting to see some GumiAbs pretty damn quick, I expect to fully invest in the only ACTUAL bromance of the show that we know of:  KimBromance. Bring it, boys.
kakashi: You really like this far too much, JoAnne. I am worried. Is there anyone I should call?
kakashi: When Sex Heir sees his brother there, the world turns to instant ice. You two: just kiss! Kim Tan, who still feels bad about it all, apologizes to his brother after everybody else has left - he didn't come here on purpose, he says. Sex Mean Brother Heir retorts that he never does anything on purpose but things still turn out really badly. And Kim Tan says: What can he do, when his mere existence is bothersome to his brother? Sex Heir is left there all alone after Kim Tan storms out, maybe to cry. 
JoAnne: See above. Bring it in boys, hug it out.  You can do it.
kakashi: At home, Kim Tan's mother feeds him with delicious stuff (what the fook is he wearing?!). But she is an annoying one: She keeps asking about who was there, who sat where etc., etc., until he gets up, all angry-sad-brokenhearted-vulnerable-etc.
JoAnne: Because she, like Kim Won, knows what the what is in the what the hell. And she needs to back the eff off because I need my boys to be together.
kakashi: Outside, the Bean Princess is hanging up the washing. Kim Tan stares at her feet below the sheets. Oh wow ... that's a variation! Staring at feet! And of course, she speaks to herself, cause that's what they always do in KDrama when it is convenient. She talks about how hard it all is and of course, he is eavesdropping on her again. She goes to sleep on a chair and of course, he is there, staring at her while she sleeps. This is not creepy at all…he also fixes a band aid on her hand that has come undone. Like a mother. Oh, he is now like a mother to her?
JoAnne:  There is no romance in your soul, Kakashi.
kakashi: When she wakes up, there it is, the annoying dream catcher ...... That's so cheesy I throw up a little. He, himself, is depressed on his bed ... not crying, though he seems to want to. He is very depressed, for a long time. Minutes. They are really taking it slow today.
JoAnne:  'Here, Bean Princess.  Take this symbolic gesture of my wish for you to only have good dreams. I return it to you in acknowledgement of the difficulty of your situation, which I have made exponentially worse.  Now I will go lie on a bed until I die.'
kakashi: One of my least favorite characters! The Plastic Surgery Witch is at the hotel, probably waiting for MeanDad, when she spots Teddybear Ahjussi. And he spots her. They have eye sex. The atmosphere between them is charged and it is clear that they would love to start making out on the spot. They each want to know why the other hasn't called after that sexy kissing (let's have sex right here a now) incident and part ways all hot and bothered. They have their own show over at cable: Heirs, the adult version.
JoAnne:  Baby Daddy makes me laugh though because he says 'I guess the one who calls first is the most desperate.'  Oh, he will make her pay for abandoning him in his penniless youth.
kakashi: Oups. I mis-read "penniless"... 
kakashi: Oh no, we’re back at school … it's about money again, getting a scholarship, etc. etc., when she sees the ad for a producer in Dying Heir's broadcasting studio. She goes to see him and they kinda bond. I am not sure whether she gets the job or whether she is just being considered for it, but she is happy when she leaves.
JoAnne:  I don't know either but I like him. He seems really old though.
kakashi: It may come as a surprise to you, but they ARE all above 18.  
kakashi: Until she happens upon a bullying scene in the corridor. Of course, it's Bad Heir and his Bad Gang. Bullying the kid with the glasses. Haha, but then! This drama TOTALLY surprises me with an INCREDIBLE twist! Yeah, brace yourselves: The bullied kid hits Bad Heir with his schoolbag. But unfortunately, Bad Heir knows some karate (and voodoo too?) and slam, on the floor with Glasses Guy. While he stomps on him a little, his eyes lock with Beans. Huh? Does he think a woman finds this kind of behavior hot? Well, he’s totally right, but still …
JoAnne: Ok that was Psycho Do there. That was not Bad Heir, that was FuckingDickweedManiac Heir. For me that scene was quite tense, because I live here in the land of easy guns and it usually ends with a lot more blood.
kakashi: She just wants to speak out in defense of poor Spectacled Kid, but … Kim Tan to the rescue! He drags her away (third time? fourth time? who has counted?) and lectures her that interfering is not something you do. In Empire High, you never take the side of the weak. Of fucking course, Rachel watches him speak to Bean Princess. 
JoAnne: If Rachel weren't being such a stick up her ass BITCH to Bean Princess, I'd feel more sorry for her about this.  It obviously hurts her to see Kim Tan caring so openly for another person, but that's on HIM. And if they're so big on the realities of life and society, how about acknowledging the reality that their 'engagement' is a business deal? 
kakashi: At home, Rachel takes out the travel document she took from Beans and calls her. She asks to be given her name plate back in exchange for the document. For no apparent reason, they meet at a spa. Of course, Rachel is being a dick and takes the name tag, without giving back the travel document - she claims she has thrown it away (why does she even need it, our Bean?). And then, to make the insult complete, Rachel gives Bean money ... 100'000 Won. Nice. Finally, she can buy her school uniform.
JoAnne:  Agreed on all points.
kakashi: We do not see whether Bean takes it, but we are at the well-known convenience store next, the one Bad Heir frequents for ramyun, and the one the Bean frequents for green-can PPL (what is that stuff?). Very Bad Heir leers out the window, while she puts her head on the table and goes to sleep. Then, he goes out and joins her, slurping his Ramyun.
kakashi: He watches her sleep, but unlike Kim Tan, he doesn't just stare ... no, he kicks the table. Twice. I like a guy of action! "Why do you always sleep in places like that? Makes me want to protect you", he says. This, I think, is (or at least may be) a squee-worthy moment! He is developing feelings for her! Caveman feelings, but hey! Better than nothing! At that moment, he gets a call: It is Kim Tan. "Is the ramyun tasty?", he asks ... He is standing right there across the street. And they stare at each other for ages. Epochs. Periods. Era. Eons. Wake me when this is over, okay?
JoAnne:  They drag out the charged moments too long, I agree. I REALLY look forward to Young Do getting all swoony toward Princess.  Tan's outfit is quite nice. Do you think he's who Bad Heir was waiting for? I had just assumed it was Thick.  How many mansion neighborhoods do you know of that are within walking distance of a convenience store?
Final Thoughts

kakashi: This felt like the slowest KDrama episode of all slow KDrama episodes. I try, JoAnne, I really try. But how can I like this show if it gives me this???? Please give me a better episode to recap next time!!! (sorry)

kakashi: We spent a long time on the love-turned-sour between our 1st and 2nd Lead, without any insights into why they turned from best friend to best enemy. The whole stare-down thing might work once, but it cannot be repeated ad infinitum. (agreed) We also got some more brotherly animosity, but this time, Sex Heir's fears have come true: their father wants Kim Tan to be there, at the company, as well. Or maybe he wants Tan to replace him? I think the father is a complete ass. He likes the competition between the brothers and he does not care about their feelings one bit. Still, we do not get more information about this particular conflict either.
JoAnne: But we got to see their sad hurt FACES and  did you not think it was interesting when Tutorina said to Sex Heir that he should let her alone to date?  So they are not dating, unwillingly on her part and Tae Wookishly on his?
kakashi: I did not think this was particularly interesting, no.
kakashi: The relationship between Kim Tan and Bean Princess is also not developing all that much: he wants to be near her, she doesn't want to be near him. So they run around in circles and sit around dusty floors, staring and moping. Seriously, no more moping. But ... everybody wants to be loved. Group hug! 
JoAnne:  Come here, you picky Swiss person, you! 
kakashi: Alright. Because I know who else was squished against your ample bosom recently (is he still there?)!

Recapper: kakashi
Commentor: JoAnne
Art Work: kakashi

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