Shuk: There's a production error of a boom mike popping down on one of the scenes. If you can find it, have a shot of soju!
JoAnne: Do we all agree that the production team muted Sex Heir out of concern for us? Because if both Woob and Choi Jin Hyuk had been allowed to be their completely swagtastic sexy sexy Sex God selves...we'd be dead.
EPISODE 20 FINAL
cherkell: We have returned to the scene of the rumination, on top of the hotel roof where our two heroes discuss the situation in Pakistan and how it affects the global markets. Oh hell, who am I kidding? All Tannie and Young-do can utter is that it’s cold and dark.
JoAnne: Which made it impossible for me to think of anything but this: Two men are standing on a bridge, peeing into the river. One man says to the other, 'That water sure is cold.' The other nods in agreement and then says with a shiver, 'Deep, too.'
Shuk: They should have retired to a nice warm bright jimjilbang and scrubbed each others' backs.
JoAnne: Because of course that's how it works. Is this the part where we find out that Won and Wifey#2 have been in cahoots all along? I think that was Myung Soo's mom.
Shuk: How is it that every single living thing on this show has some stock in Jeguk with the glaring exception of one person? Peevil would have been ousted long ago if this many people with this much stock hated him to this extent. [confused]
JoAnne: I know how how he can get the women's votes. Probably some of the men's, too.
Shuk: He can get my vote for sure. But he'll have to work hard for it...
cherkell: Yeah, put me down for one too. I should show *some* support somewhere, right?
cherkell: Won, Tan and Baby Daddy wait for the Board of Directors members to arrive… and wait… and wait… until two of the 9 members finally arrive. The ones who are not family members, of course. They pledge their undying loyalty to Peevil, and the boys look relieved.
JoAnne: So are these the only good guys because they are loyal, or are they the worst of the bad guys, for being loyal to that enormous-headed son of a bitch on wheels?
JoAnne: She might persuade me to her side, but only if I can remove her voice box and cut off that stringy pony-tail.
Shuk: TempieMom is playing it cool, for sure.
cherkell: Beany just finds out from Baby Heir that Peevil is in a coma, and that Tan is not by his side like a good illegitimate son should be. Instead, he’s off to foreign lands with Baby Daddy to suck up to the international shareholders in order to tip the balance toward the Peevil Side.
JoAnne: He couldn't make a PHONE CALL?
Shuk: Well, he's no GumiHeir but he might catch a few flies with honey...
JoAnne: It helps if you don't have a soul.
cherkell: Beany opens a present from Tan in his absence – it’s one of those goofy-looking stuffed owls that we see thrown all over Thick Heir’s studio. (I guess they couldn’t afford the licensing fees for a pig-rabbit.) The note attached to the creepy gift warns Beany not to cheat on him while he’s away.
JoAnne: It's not creepy! You heat them up and then put your hands inside. (The warm guts are supposed to be very moisturizing...ok, THAT was creepy.)
bcook: I wants!!
JoAnne: So now they live together?
cherkell: If they did, then Young-do would have to take a shower after dinner. Which I wholeheartedly approve of. Chop-chop!!
JoAnne: No matter who you are that's gotta be horrible to see.
JoAnne: Sure kid, don't forgive. Die of a heart attack in 15 years.
Shuk: I can't blame him too much, but it's gonna fester for sure.
JoAnne: Your sheer joy at this final episode is making you generous.
cherkell: I am nothing but generous around the holidays.
cherkell: Beany wonders why the kids at school are so hell-bent on drawing that damn chalk outline day after day… especially that present day, when Young-do was the one with the spray can in his hands. She asks Tan if he’s ever done that himself.
JoAnne: They're all members of the Early Grave club.
Shuk: Maybe they want to do Jackson Pollock-inspired artwork, only using red. They'll title it "Chaebollllllllllllll [Thump]"
JoAnne: So let's interject some reality here: this woman was desperate to get away, so desperate that she couldn't even wait long enough to say goodbye to her only child, who she then never saw again. And all she does is move neighborhoods? Oh Young Do. Rage on, my boy. Rage on.
JoAnne: I wonder if Peevil will have a personality transplant. bwahahahahahah what am I saying, of course he will.
Shuk: And that will deserve an entire bottle of soju.
cherkell: Tan asks Won how his battle went in Korea while they were away, where he reports the Board of Directors’ resolution was brought up for a vote in the not-too-distant future. And by the way, how about he and Tan move back into Peevil Manor to show their united front?
JoAnne: What do you think? Booze and porn, or popcorn and scary movies?
Shuk: Peeing contests in the snow.
cherkell: Ugly Sweater Contests.
Shuk: We already have a winner on that one!
JoAnne: Boxer briefs don't take up much room, and the Blue Sweater that Ate Cheongdamdong took care of everything else.
JoAnne: Meanwhile in the back room, Young Do is hopping around trying to fit his big feet through the leg of his skinny jeans. He falls against the door and BAM! Tannie knows all.
cherkell: Tan meets with Young-do and tells him that KiMadam initiated the shareholder wars and that IT’S ON. Young-do mutters that mothers always cause trouble, and wants Tan to forgive him for all the grief he’s given Tan about KiMistress. Much more boring small talk ensues.
JoAnne: He also asks Tan for his mom's number and mentions how well she's been holding up, considering. Then he rubs his eyebrow and gives that little smile.
Shuk: Aww, it's nice to know somebody reads my stuff. I need to consider that plot line...
JoAnne: As strangers. She then flips him over onto his back on her desk and hops aboard. Baby Daddy's hair wings flap in the breeze the reunited lovers make.
bcook: whoopie? *nods knowingly* that's what they told us in sex-ed. two people do whoopie when they're in
Shuk: Shakespeare was pretty colorful about it. Read Othello.
JoAnne: Do we really need to?
cherkell: The Shareholders Meeting is commenced, and a vote is taken. It ends up being 52% in favor of The Peevil, and 44% in favor of KiMadam, with 4% abstaining. So basically Peevil is still in power, and Won retains his CEO position. WOOT!
JoAnne: The shareholders surround KiMadam and force her outside to the courtyard, where they circle around her. She sobs and cries, but the eldest among them rebukes her, saying this: 'You know this is the way of our people. You bargained with your strength, Madam, but you have lost. In order to ensure the success of the new regime, we must remove the weakest link.' Then they stone her to 'death' with symbolic stones of luxury good knock-offs.
JoAnne: KimBros jump up and down yelling 'Oh SNAP, who's your daddy now, biatch? You done got PLAYED.' Baby Daddy nods his head in time to a rhythm only he can hear, muttering, 'dat's what I'M talkin 'bout' to anyone passing by.
JoAnne: That's a big boy. I marvelled at that for a moment and then realized that essentially her apology was this: 'Sorry I didn't wait for you that day but I had to go and then I was going to come back but I just never got around to it.' And then I was too mad to feel bad.
Shuk: That was slightly more than Han Tae-sang got when he finally made the move towards his mom, even if was a bit backhanded.
JoAnne: Should we be concerned that his back pocket contains that chalk outline spray and a roll of yellow 'Police Line-Do Not Cross' tape?
JoAnne: She had sex on a desk with her True Love so she's feeling generous.
cherkell: Turns out TempieMom noticed Tempie being even more lethargic than normal, but it’s only Tempie sucking down her mom’s sleeping pills because she can’t sleep at all. Fortunately, TempieMom doesn’t go all high-and-mighty on her, but makes sure she seeks professional help instead.
JoAnne: And thus we learn that apparently all mental health visits happen at a neuropsychiatrist's office in a hospital. This would have been useful info during GoM.
JoAnne: He seems a little too cheerful, though. I wonder if he's the body Baksa threw off the roof in the first episode of Heartless City. Quick, anyone: does MUP have a blue star tattoo on his hand?
Shuk: You would think the excessive cheerfulness would be a clue to his friends. Oh, wait, they are clueless.
JoAnne: This is so much better than anything I imagined. And by better I mean WAY more WTF.
cherkell: I'll wait for you, sweetie! Seriously! We have friends in common, remember?
JoAnne: Lies. She's lying. Nothing changes, he's still going. He looks kind of interesting as a normal person, doesn't he? I almost didn't know who he was at first.
Shuk: So all the societal and familial pressure put on him to succeed disappears in a puff of camo? And all the pills he's been taking to cope were really just gummy bears and Flintstone vitamins? [snick] That was the sound of a possible great story thread getting scissored by a gaze-loving pabo writer.
cherkell: I laughed HARD at the costume designer just throwing a beanie over Ha-neul's head to signify he's military-bound without the whole head-shaving thing. That boy needs his hair intact for his next project! (BTW, have you seen his MBC Drama Special? NICE.)
JoAnne: Without that closure, though...
JoAnne: this is it? She's had enough? Time for Woobie snuggles?
JoAnne: Why does she not stay stoned to death?
cherkell: "I'm not dead! I'm getting better!!!"
JoAnne: I see what you did there.
JoAnne: Next up, fanfic about Ki Ae with Lee Son Kyun.
cherkell: Corporate Takeover averted and finals in the books, BabyHeir and BabyDad head off for some fishing to relax… and a few selcas for Stringy Heir, lest she get all nuclear on Baby for not being in touch 24/7. BabyDad expounds on the way of the corporate world and how it’s a jungle out there. Just you wait, Baby… just you wait.
JoAnne: This was cute in a sea of cuteness. It felt so wrong.
cherkell: Won asks what place BabyHeir is after finals, and BabyDad says it’s getting boring for Baby to always place first that he’s not even asking anymore. That gets Tan all riled up and he chases Baby off somewhere. BabyDad turns to Won and asks if he’s had the chance to tell Tan yet. Won asks if there’s any point… and just go ahead and send out the press release. Aw shit...
JoAnne: Sigh. We know what this means.
cherkell: Tutorina reads the announcement that Won is to be engaged to the cellphone heiress (the deal he made with that beeyotch in order to secure her family’s vote against Peevil’s removal), and she breaks down at the bus stop.
JoAnne: You're such a fuckwad, Wonnie. You couldn't even tell her before the news went out? She had to learn that way? Yes, I know, she always expected it. That does not make one bit of difference.
JoAnne: Whatever. You made your bed.
cherkell: And why aren't we lying in it, hmmmmmmm?
Shuk: Do you think he expected a final pickle-tickle before saying,"that was great, but guess what! The company is saved, and now I'm off to bone my fiancee"?
JoAnne: Yeah I'm all tough with my whatevers but that hurt.
Shuk: A brother is no substitute, especially one that you drove away some 17 years, 11 months, and 3 days ago.
JoAnne: THE SYMBOLISM KNOCKED ME OVER.
Shuk: Yes, Youngie, there are women out there that aren't blind idiots taking the safe path. Go get 'em!
JoAnne: They're cute though, and I started out disliking her. The fact that I don't actively hate her is honestly surprising to me, but they get my vote for Cutest Couple. Have always liked him anyway, since HeartStrings Days.
Shuk: For realz.
JoAnne: I think that's the school all those terrible Hollywood kids went to, The Buckley School. Paris Hilton comes to mind. Nicole Ritchie. Fucking Kardashians. I wonder if we should watch Viki's US remake of BoF and just word vomit all over the place...
JoAnne: The man cries well. He really does. He should remove his clothes so I can comfort him. With apples. Where is that from? Is that a psalm? Comfort me with apples...it's too fucking early in the morning.
Shuk: [handing JoAnne a cuppa Hi-test, no fruits] I don't understand the crying, but I feel sad. In his future, the conference room is going to be warmer than his own bed, but it was still his decision.
JoAnne: I SUPPOSE this is fairly realistic but I wanted my RECONCILIATION dammit. With full body hugs.
JoAnne: Insert some psychobabble about how no one is responsible for anyone else's happiness. Oh wait...that might need to be held for the reunion show in 20 years: Heirs in Rehab
Shuk: That thing is just disturbing and useless. Gloves with cellphone fingertips are much more practical and aren't the size of a toddler.
JoAnne: Is she an actress? I thought she was an agent. Actress makes way more sense.
JoAnne: Raises one hand, feebly. Smiles. Passes out again.
Shuk: [snicker] All it took was some 1,155.5 minutes of staring to get there.
JoAnne: That BITCH. Why did they have to get all 12-steppy and welcome her back into the fold?
JoAnne: Her, good dress. Him, HOLY FUCKING UPHOLSTERY GODS WHY.
Shuk: OMO! He totally went back in time and stole our couch from our basement, in 1974. And our rug inspired his sweater collection. Should I get royalties?
JoAnne: I did like that song. I just wasn't brave enough to say it until now. I didn't like it enough to include it in my playlists, but I might go find it and listen.
cherkell: OH MY GOD OUR LONG NATIONAL NIGHTMARE IS OVER!! There’s 20 hours of my life I’ll never get back. I’m sitting here thinking… what was the point of all of this? What were the writers thinking by putting together a high school drama starring a bunch of rich kids? I know I shouldn’t expect any realism – okay, Won’s plight was the most realistic out of all the kids and my heart is still broken over that scene in his study – but at least throw us a bone every now and again, no?
JoAnne: Heh heh she said bone.
JoAnne: I beg to differ. We had all that Woobin. We were groovin on the Woobin.
Shuk: The Woobies were a pretty good highlight, I think.
cherkell: NOT ENOUGH Kang Ha-neul for my taste. But with a cast that large, couldn't they have shorted some other character instead? THIS FACE should not be going back to the Korean Musical Stage for another couple of years at least! *sigh*
JoAnne: So my overall feeling is nothing has really been added to my life by watching this, but then again, nothing was really subtracted. I wasn't looking for art, or even great tv. Just some pretty, and maybe some sexy, and some stuff that would be fun to snark over. I got all that in spades, so I'm a happy camper. At some point I'll write an alternate version and put it up here. I felt bad during the run only because it was so obviously painful for the three of you, and I alone seemed to be having a blast. Thanks for sticking it out.
Shuk: I didn't love it, so lucky for me if Love is Pain, I'm safe. But I had hoped for the sake of the cast to give them something to work with (see White Christmas), some script to showcase their acting chops, and give us a reason why the Crown was heavy. In the end we had little character development, a few good scenes, one cute couple, and a gorgeous bad-boy-turned-legit. It's like a fresh-off-the-grease Krispy Kreme doughnut, two bites, it melts in your mouth, then gone, and you are left with nothing but a bit of sweetness on the tongue. And watching it and snarking with my unni's was definitely the highlight!
cherkell: DAMMIT. Now I'm craving a Krispy Kreme...