05 December 2013


The Heirs: When Fashion Crimes Are Quasi Art (Part II)

Posted by Kakashi Sensei on December 05, 2013
And it continues. While we (well, some of us at least!) wait for this show to finally end (please no extensions! Please! Please!!), we present you with more Tan fashion crimes. But BE WARNED! This post may hurt your eyes!
The Vomit-Green Look
bcook: Somebody has decided that LMH looks good in a sweater-shirt combo. I would be happy if that actually mean he'd be dressing better from now on.... sadly that is not the case. The vomit green makes him look sallow and the patterned blue underneath is just wrong. No wonder Hyung doesn't want to look at him.
kakashi: I thought the vomit-green went exceptionally well with the bruises and the lipstick. But then, I looked again and ........ NO.  
Shuk:  Like the jacket.  The rest? Ugh, NO.
JoAnne:  The color of every hospital bathroom everywhere in 1968.  He's bringing it back.

The Red-Tent Look
bcook: Looks like something from the 2005 collection of Big Men. It's coz he's tall, they have nothing else to put him in. No! Wait! that argument doesn't fly. Eider commercial just came on and he looks hawt!
kakashi: It is used by smugglers. It's good if you want to hide watches and cigarettes and chocolate. And pink lipstick. And you can go camping in this. 
Shuk: "This jacket ain't big enough for the both of us." "Wait, yes it is [confused]."
JoAnne: Perhaps it's the only thing large enough to cover his...mmm...growing 'affection' for Beanie.

The Confused-Zebra Look
bcook: Look! His pillow matches his sweater!
kakashi: I like that he has a zebra sleeping in his bed. That gives him street cred, bro. It's likely the new trend in 2014. 
Shuk: If I wore that combo, I'd probably have an expression just like his. Is that shirt the same Liberace-esque one with the frilly cuffs from before?  It's hard to tell...
JoAnne:  No, that one was a print like you'd see on toile. I do like the sweater.  Would a nice navy turtleneck (knit in regular gauge, yes I'm looking at YOU, Fluffy Blue Suffocation Death Sweater) have hurt?

The Camouflage-Gone-Wrong Look
bcook: There's houndstooth and then there's this monstrosity. Also has anybody else noticed how... high his heir goes? Is that all his head? or over-exuberant blow-drying? 
kakashi: In a long line of absolutely terrible sweaters, this is the absolute most terrible in my opinion. Maybe he is practising for his upcoming military service, though. They wear stuff like that. 
Shuk: I think the checked pants really make this outfit one for the "Kids Don't Try This At Home" book, coming soon to a Barnes & Noble near you.
JoAnne:  I was so busy trying to figure out what was wrong with the neck of that thing that I never even noticed the pants.  (Bonus:  Why is KiMistress dressed like a 16-year-old daughter of conservatives at Easter?)

kakashi: By the way, here's another. 
JoAnne: I'm ignoring the monstrosity below.
bcook: I might like it? *puts on glasses* nope. I was wrong.
Shuk:  Klee!  So that's where you've been hiding after the Partridge Family Bus fiasco.

The Sky-Is-Falling Look
bcook: I was distracted by the insincere complimenting the mothers were doing during this scene so missed this baby's blanket on black combo. 
Shuk:  I hear the bi-polar look is very popular in Europe.
kakashi: It is SO NOT, Shuk.  
JoAnne: I believe I identified this as the 'sunny skies over the gaping black hole of death' look earlier on.
Shuk: Spot-on observation too, JoAnne unni. 

The Not-Sure-Whether-I'm-Jeans-or-Leather-Jacket Look
bcook:...... He actually looks kinda good. Just keep your eyes on the white cuffs or close your eyes. Either works.  
JoAnne: I bet he wears Jockey bikinis, too. In stripes.
kakashi: I think this is meant to symbolize his teenage-confusion.
Shuk:  Maybe he's being assimilated, you know, like a Borg or something? 

The Darth-Vader-Gone-Wrong Look
JoAnne: Luke, I am your illegitimate father?
kakashi: I may have to go over to the Dark Side, but will you still love me, Princess?
Shuk:  [silence] 
bcook: *comes in late...wonders why everything's quiet. Sees the pic. Understands*

The "geurae wolf nega wolf"-Look
JoAnne:  Sequins negate all manliness.  Always.  SEQUINS.
kakashi: This fascinates me. A lot. I stared at it for a long time.
Shuk: It just reminded me of Baska Adeul, but in a sad way.  He was the real Lone Wolf. [sigh]
bcook: Is it bad that I like it? I want one! Though it looks more like a fox than a wolf.
kakashi: Yes, bcook. It is bad that you like it. I think you have been Heirbrainolitis. It's that illness where you look at terrible fashion and like it.

The I-Can-Hide-My-Face-In-This Look
JoAnne: Ah! What luck! We have happened on a rare sighting of the wild blue death sweater in action! Unbeknownst to our young actor, the blue quietly oozes up over his face.  Soon, he will find it difficult to breathe. By the time he realizes the danger, it will be too late.
kakashi: How lovely, cause that would mean no extension.
Shuk: I giggled when he used it in lieu of a bandanna. Yeah, like THAT was incognito.
bcook: As somebody who hates wind burn I appreciated the wild blue... until I saw it under a jacket. No. No. No. No. No.

The Look! It's Planets! And Stars!-Look
JoAnne: Are they not allowed to say no to ANYTHING the coordi's present? Is he trying to see how far he can push his little teenybopper worshippers?
Shuk:  I guess "war-shippers" like the look? I thought maybe he tried to paint a gold star while still wearing it.
kakashi: Yes, when the actors get bored during the crazy life-shoot, they sometimes paint stuff on their otherwise plain things. 
bcook: I think this sweater and blue and gold geometry sweater are maybe from the same fashion line? Was there ever a shot of the back? Is there a star there too? These are questions that need answers!

The I-Wear-Art Look
JoAnne: This is actually a candid shot. Let's listen in. (First pic) Yes, Il Woo-yah... I have on that fugly shirt I told you about with the stupid black collar. (Second pic) Fine, let's just get this over with. Why did I get up this morning?
bcook: I'm pretty sure they got this idea from the babysitter's club. I definitely remember reading about Claudia making landscape shirts. Somewhere some designer thought "a monochrome collar will keep this from looking like a Hawaiian shirt". They were wrong. Also I want that adorable blue owl in the background! WTF?! It's microwavable?
kakashi: Ah. Landscape Shirts. So glad I'm learning new things while watching this show. 
Shuk: Looks like someone threw up in Technicolor. Maybe the owl is a heating pad to help with the cramps caused by the constant need to vomit.
JoAnne: (Third Pic, another day) The fuck you MEAN I have to wear this shit AGAIN?  I know it's a different shirt. THAT DOES NOT MEAN A THING.
kakashi: "Can I go to the military already?! I want to wear plain camouflage! Get me out of here!"
Shuk:  "What?!  Monochrome again?? It so clashes with my lipstick!"

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