Old Nine Gates 老九门 - Episode 38 (Recap)

SakiVI: Omo, Fo Ye and Xin Yue finally get married! For Realz! Or do they? Er Ye persists in his delusions and Ya Tou persists in her Stepford Wife act. Xin Yue, on the other hand, persists in being cute. Squee!
kakashi: This episode is both scary and sad.

Episode 38 - Fo Ye's Marriage

Back to our Fabulous Prince, the Qing prince, not Fo Ye, glamping outside the mine. It's been a long day of waiting, Xin Yue has been sending food, and one maid asks why the Prince needs fanning on a cold day. Apparently, it's a Qing Dynasty custom. Sure.
Everybody could use a good fanning from time to time, Saki.
Oh, our gang are coming out! Woohoo! Except, they've got the Undead Yatou with them. Of course, it's hard to tell with her regarding dead or alive, but still, since she was buried, it's not great to see her again. Fo Ye, clearly also disturbed by bringing back a zombie, tells the Prince that the whole mine must be blown up, not just the entrance. Shouldn't they then blow up the tomb and meteorite down the depths of the earth? Oh well.
This blowing up really doesn't work for them. They've tried several times already, in vain. Just leave it like it is, Fo Ye, don't bother
The voiceover tells us that our gang didn't realize exactly how powerful the meteorite's illusion was, however. Ohhhhhhh. And then we see wanted posters for Fo Ye, Ba Ye and Er Ye put up in town because they blew up the mine. I dunno, they're always saying how they're blowing up the mine and blowing it up and then going back in there, so I doubt they did any real damage.
That meteorite sure is pretty damn powerful if it can turn a dead thing into a Yatou zombie. I bow before you, meteorite. Please rule my life too. Also: very good drawings of our boys. The sketch artist must be a fan too.
Guess who shows up then just to show us how pretty he is in a jagermeister.  Three guesses:

Lt Zhang!  Bet you thought it was Fo Ye, right?
I'll be damned! You had me fooled! 
Cut to Fo Ye looking at the piece of meteorite he got from the mouth of the perfectly-preserved corpse in the tomb. Fo Ye Sneeeaky. He says out loud that everything in the mines was aimed at hiding the meteorite. Oh, come on. Probably kids go down to play there. And then Fo Ye says, he should put the meteorite piece back. What?
So .... help me out here. Wasn't the angry carrot the meteorite? Is this tiny thing the meteorite? I'm confused and disappointed. Also, I would like to make it known I also own a piece of a meteorite. It dawns on me that that explains things.  
The angry carrot is part of the meteorite - keep reading - and so is this tiny piece.
Next, Lt Zhang comes in to say their old company is not doing too well, and that there are wanted posters for them. And that they need to leave town, you forgot that important bit. I think you were distracted. The director clearly knew what fangirls want because he goes back and forth between Lt Zhang looking pretty and Fo Ye looking hot (that jawline! See? Distracted) while they drag out the dialogue to keep the scene going.
I'm glad you mention "dialogue". I have often wondered who comes up with these completely useless exchanges. Do they go: "Hey, you, writer-apprentice! We need 5 minutes of pointless talk, get on with it!"
Cut to Chen Pi drinking shots of something, perhaps strong tea, from a really pretty cup. He thinks about seeing Ya Tou and he wants the various Ye's spied on. Yawn.
So they're wanted and he knows where they are but nobody cares to arrest them? Okay then. 
Oh no! He hides part of his nose with his finger!
Also, yawn: Er Ye, minus hat and jacket this time, dreaming of YaTou and Curtains. I don't know what's worse, his dream, or mine last night where I was on a cardboard choochoo train going past cardboard villages and Ma Tian Yu was trying on my earrings.
Interesting. Tell us more
Specifically, Ma Tian Yu was trying to take my earrings. I must admit, they looked better on him.
Er Ye wakes up to find Zombie Ya Tou gone - yay! - and runs to find her - boo! - and we see her determinedly walking through the streets in pjs to the old house just to tell Chen Pi, now totally inebriated, that Er Ye will be home soon, so Chen Pi better get cracking on the washing water. It's like her life came down to certain lines she said. That's rather sad.
In fact, I think she's one of the scarier horror creatures I've seen in a while. No wonder Er Ye has nightmares. Poor boy. 
Chen Pi serves Ya Tou tea in her old room while Er Ye still rushes around looking for her. Chen Pi promises Ya Tou his protection, and Ya Tou actually looks like she realizes something isn't quite right, like her being undead or, yunno, something.
Could also be indigestion. Not sure with her and her facial expressions.
Er Ye kills Chen Pi's guards with his metal balls while Ya Tou desperately searches for Er Ye's favorite curtains. No, really, this happened. Er Ye finds Ya Tou there, Ya Tou cries about the drapes, Er Ye says, let's go look for them, Chen Pi comes in and shoots metal balls at Er Ye, Ya Tou says, leave him, he's still young, we'll teach him together, and Er Ye says you still coddle him. Wow, they just summed up their threesome.
This is getting Stephen King levels of scary. Next, they might lock Chen Pi up and force him to do ... stuff.  
Cut to Ba Ye's extra mansion where our Ye's and Lt Zhang are posing, er, I mean, meeting. Our Prince strides in all fabulous to complain about Chief Lu. The gang all discuss how they can't hide out in Changsha anymore, so they decide to go to the Bai Qiao village which is close, but also well-guarded. Ba Ye starts teasing Er Ye about seeing the Chieftain again - where is Dr Mo? - and Er Ye gets mad, slamming down his tea cup and storming off. Sidebar: is this the last of the Prince? He's not going to Bai Qiao village.
Fo Ye, posing. I don't know about the Prince, but I hope not?
Other boys, posing. Also, booo, Er Ye, for having NO HUMOR AT ALL.
Cut to horse-drawn carriages in the woods. Lt Zhang is on that same embarrassed horse. Fo Ye is medtitating in his carriage while Ba Ye is agitated, looking out the window and fidgeting. Fo Ye asks if Ba Ye has nails on his bottom? Pffft. Ba Ye says he is really creeped out. Why? Because Ya Tou is still around. Ba Ye had thought Ya Tou would disappear once they left the meteorite's illusion, but instead, she's still around. He questions how she could be alive, and Fo Ye scoffs that she isn't. She's dead.
Which may be true, dear and handsome Fo Ye, but I did also expect her to disappear, just like Ba Ye did. She came out of that illusion tomb ALIVE. 
On top of that, Xin Yue has happily accepted Ya Tou's resurrection. Cut to the carriage with them and Er Ye. They are looking at drawings of flowers. For once, Ya Tou is not talking about curtains and is mildly normal in demeanor. Er Ye thanks Xin Yue for accepting Ya Tou's return, and Xin Yue is all, "Yo, Sis Code!" That's sweet, I guess, though it seems rather unlike Xin Yue to just be okay with someone dead coming back to life.
It seemed to me like she just played along. You know, if you know someone is completely insane, you don't tell them they're completely insane, you just kind of pretend everything is normal? That kind of behavior. And it works! Creepy Yatou seems happy.
Our gang arrive at the Bai Qiao village. Everyone is in order: Lt Zhang looks pretty, Ba Ye is sleeping, Fo Ye is handsome, Xin Yue is stylish, and Er Ye and Ya Tou are best ignored. Ooh, Fo Ye and Xin Yue are naturally holding hands! Squeee!
Sidebar: where is their luggage? Looks like the carts didn't have room, unless there was space between the carriage bodies and the wheels I didn't see.
Maybe they have miraculous fold-away luggage that goes all kinds of flat and can be glued to a carriage wall and floor. 
I would love luggage like that.
Ba Ye pulls Lt Zhang back to ask the time because he's sure he only slept a little and yet it's already getting dark. The two rivals for Fo Ye's Bromance argue over whether a carriage or a horse is more comfortable, and Lt Zhang seems to win this one since Ba Ye apparently slept the whole journey.
Or not *hint hint* Sometimes, Ba Ye is smarter than he knows himself.
Fo Ye and Xin Yue are in a room whose curtains match well with Xin Yue's clothes. Xin Yue's earrings, jacket and qipao are really pretty, and she asks why Fo Ye didn't tell her sooner about Ya Tou. Fo Ye says he didn't think she would hold it in, whatever that means. Besides, Xin Yue has taken it all so calmly, this undead situation.
Wow, look at the size of Fo Ye's front teeth! Do they say something about a man's front teeth?
Not that I've heard. But a charming smile would sure help things along. 
Oh, I just realized! Xin Yue and Fo Ye are in the same room! Is that all right in 1930s Changsha? Anyway, Xin Yue complains Fo Ye doesn't know how to coddle her, and he says, how should I coddle you? She kisses him. Aw.
*Squeeeeeee* He's a tiny bit shy after that.
She promises to always be by his side, and she says I kissed you, so you are mine now, let's get married. Gosh, she's so cool, just getting what she wants in the smoothest and cutest way ever. And get what she wants she does, because Fo Ye kisses her back. It's a done deal, folks!
I very much hope that kisses is not ALL she wants. (This scene was major cute)
Cut to the gang at dinner with the Chieftain who congratulates Fo Ye and Xinyue on their impending nuptials. (Sidebar: this actress playing the Chieftain is so pretty. She is on the Wikipedia page which lists everybody you never knew was in the show. Her name is Peng Xiao Ran Thank you, I will watch out for her.) The Chieftain notes Er Ye is not there. And then he shows up with his arm defensively around Ya Tou. The Chieftain's smile is tight. But she welcomes the couple, giving Ya Tou a bracelet from her own wrist as a welcome gift. This is a clever Chieftain, though, because she feels Ya Tou's pulse while bestowing the bracelet. Ladies, I don't think there is a pulse.
After the dinner, and let's note it's still quite light out, in fact, pretty much still daytime, the Chieftain runs after Ba Ye to say Ya Tou doesn't have a pusle, and didn't she die a while back? Ba Ye explains they're all confused about this - actually, Fo Ye is not - and that they are humouring Er Ye.
... which in itself is insane. 
Cut to Xin Yue in Bai Qiao wedding gear. She looks gorgeous. The Chieftain helps Xin Yue with the special wedding jewelry that Fo Ye has specially ordered and then we cut to the wedding where Fo Ye is also in Bai Qiao clothing. So cool these two are having a destination wedding! They hold hands, bow to a table, bow to each other and share a drink, so it's all basically just like any Korean TV wedding. Aw, everyone's so happy!
Sooooo cuuuuuuuute. They're culturally appropriating a bit though.
A bit doesn't matter.
Cut to a full moon, most suitable for the undead, and Er Ye calling for Ya Tou in the one room they share. He looks at a handkerchief on the table and sees something weird, like long uncooked noodles. He is horrified. However, I am more horrified to see Ya Tou show up with yet another bowl of noodles. Er Ye looks at Ya Tou's fingers and thinks of the uncooked noodles - is that what they were? - in the handkerchief and starts to eat. None of this makes any sense, but let's just go with it because, er, we have to.
I thought there were tremendously long fingernails. Cause the camera focuses on her hands after she comes in. Or scales. Or something else utterly monstrous. Noodles? Yeah, why not.
Ba Ye thinks about the meteorite and how it seems to bring the dead back to life. He reads over the Qing Wuzi manuscript they had found in the tomb's coffin, and there were apparently three pieces of the meteorite, one of which had disappeared, one with the Dongbei Zhang Family, and one in the tomb. The meteorite can cause the reversal of life and death.
So, definitely not the angry carrot = meteorite then
Angry carrot is one of the three pieces.
Really? Haha, I think I missed this. 
Cut to the village in the daytime. Ba Ye is showing the manuscript to Er Ye, saying that Ya Tou is just an illusion. Okay, but when has stating the obvious worked with Er Ye?
Fo Ye:
Er Ye says he knows Ya Tou is an illusion, but you all just go along with it, okay?! Ba Ye still yells at Er Ye to snap out of it because Ya Tou is a monster. Sidebar: doesn't that make her real, and not an illusion? Er Ye gets furious at Ba Ye, Fo Ye tries to calm him down, and Er Ye then says you won't believe she is Ya Tou!
The ladies bring in tea and Fo Ye and Ba Ye both stare at Ya Tou with undisguised hostility. Er Ye is the only one to look at her with love, and then Ya Tou just disappears. Apparently, and this is my theory, she could only exist while a majority of the tomb raiders who went into the meteorite put aside their disbelief. With Ba Ye and Fo Ye anti-Undead Yatou, she just dissolved into thin air.
I actually think this is Er Ye's own doubt that makes her disappear. He would never admit this, but he's not THAT dilusional. He even admits to them he knows she is not real. 
Er Ye is so infuriated with Ba Ye, he pulls a gun out. Fo Ye stands between them. Fo Ye hotly (oh yes) pushes his forehead up against Er Ye's gun and dares Er Ye to shoot, saying Ya Tou will come back if he does. Er Ye knows this isn't true, and so he says their brotherhood is over. Sad. After Er Ye storms out, Fo Ye and his two wives, and by that I do mean Ba Ye and Xin Yue (*snicker*), discuss Er Ye's fragile mental health.
Damn, he needs help. Stat
Suddenly, it's nighttime and Lt Zhang is strolling around the courtyard while Ba Ye is morosely leaning on a decorated pillar.  Lt Zhang tells Ba Ye not to worry, because Fo Ye will sort it out.  That just sums up Lt Zhang's mentality for you.
Like a sweet puppy. Awww. 
Cut to the morning and Er Ye dreaming about the tomb and the message about dead people being living people. His eyes open. Oh noes, he's going to get another undead Ya Tou, isn't he?
Goodness, please no. This is the stuff of nightmares. 


I only have one: Er Ye is crazy. And no matter how many undead YaTous he brings home, his friends cannot give in and enable him. It will just make his dealing with his grief like that Greek undead dude who kept pushing a boulder up a hill only for it to roll down and him to have to start again.
The fools enabled him long enough though. Horrible for Er Ye, but he's a goner. He'll never be alright again, that much is clear. The saddest part for me was when he told Fo Ye "our relation as brothers has ended". I really think there is no coming back from something like this. That makes me sad.