The Heirs - Episode 4 (A SqueeCap) (A Heir-Breadth Away?)
cherkell: Hi gang! My turn to take on "War and Peace: The Teenage Years"... *looks at script* Oh sorry. It's actually entitled 'The Heirs: Let's Tack On An Undescribeable Tagline And Call It A Day." As a recent Golden State transplant, I must apologize for the lame description of my fellow Californians because we're not all like that. Well, some are. But not most. I digress... on with the show!
JoAnne: I feel like that Kristin Wiig character in SNL who really likes parties. Oh - my - gawwwwwwwwwwwwd, this is so EXCITING. Not the show, no. That's not particularly exciting, yet. But I get to comment!
cherkell: We return to the scene of the clinch… erm, I mean crime at the LAX departure lobby. Tempermental Heir decides the Los Angeles summers are too cold and snuggles up to Cool Heir for some body heat, as Bean Princess looks on that happy tableau and Cool Heir looks up to catch Bean Princess looking at them. Lots of looking here.
JoAnne: And drinking here. Way to be a bastard, Kim Tan. Although I don't get the impression that's your intent - your shout to the Bean Princess definitely seemed to be something you didn't have any control over.
cherkell: For some unknown reason, Cool Heir lays into Bean Princess for not contacting him through the message he left with Baby Heir. She turns all defensive, which actually makes Cool Heir stop with his broody stares and show an emotion for once.
JoAnne: Lee Min Ho is actually a pretty convincing teenage boy. But can we get to something that's more fun to snark about, Show?
(kakanote: when saying "show an emotion for once", do you mean this GREAT emotional acting there on the right?)
cherkell: Cool Heir demands Bean Princess give him her phone number, but she outright refuses, saying she's already said her thanks and thank yous and thanks a lots, so she owes him nothing more. He'd better go tend to his needy fiancee before he gets his nuts handed to him on a platter.
JoAnne: We interrupt this episode to offer you some Ho Nuts. Good to see that at least YOUR nunchi is well-developed, Bean.
cherkell: Getting ready to land, as Tempermental Heir sits and stews as the customs entry form is handed to her. Thinking she needs some fresh air, TH decides to pay Bean Princess a visit in the Steerage Section. Tempermental Heir knows that Cool Heir will come looking for her when they return to Korea, because that's what Cool Heir does for a living (besides broody staring n' stuff). Bean Princess doesn't care to give her the time of day until Tempermental Heir snatches the arrival form and escapes to the safety of her First Class Pod.
JoAnne: My sympathies for Tempie are growing, despite her bitchy ways. She knows which way the wind is blowing her Heir.
cherkell: Of course the flight attendant runs interference between the two and feigns ignorance when Bean Princess runs after her, because that's what flight attendants are trained to do. Bean Princess attempts an end-around, but thinks twice because she's JUST TOO NICE to yell on an airplane.
JoAnne: And too stupid to just ask for another form, I think, but that must have happened off camera because she was allowed into the country right behind First-Class Heir so there couldn't have been a problem with the declaration. Why do we get hung up on this shit? Is it because we're actually adults, despite our snarking, lusting ways?
cherkell: Believe it or not, Bad Heir does end up meeting Tempermental Heir at Incheon holding up a sign saying "Welcome to my 'Step' Sister." TH just slides right on by, but Bad Heir catches up to her crabby ass. She tells him nice job losing to his father, and says he needs to go back to washing dishes instead. Ordering him to push her cart, Bad Heir lets out an expletive and pushes away… as Bean Princess finally arrives herself.
JoAnne: I loved that disgusted, pissy little face he made at her back. I think Woobie is actually getting to be a decent actor. He doesn't always project hugely, which is good, and that alien face can be used for so MUCH. Right now in the glasses he's Cool Heiry Potter.
cherkell: The 'step'-siblings ride home in comfort to the melodic sounds of Nickelback's "Because of You" with the stereotypical 'fight-over-the-remote control' in full swing. [insert requisite Nickleback joke here] Tempermental Heir tells Bad Heir that her trip was sooooo bad, even Cool Heir asked about Bad Heir's whereabouts these days… shouldn't Bad Heir even think about...
JoAnne: Creedleback: The superband formed by Chad Kroeger of Nickleback and Scott Stapp of Creed in 2012. According to the Mayans, the arrival of Creedleback is the harbinger of the apocalypse.
cherkell: Bad Heir cuts her off and orders their driver to stop the car, reminding Tempermental Heir if she knows why Cool Heir exiled himself to the States? What would she do if everyone knew the real reason her fiance is in such a mess?
JoAnne: Which makes me wonder who DOES know, besides Woobie, amongst the Heirbies? And how is that connected to his exile, because they said it was, I think - and why would that be BAD news for Sex Heir, because if it were well-known that Kim Tan was a bastard, wouldn't he be HeirLess?
cherkell: "Nair" really lost out on becoming one of their sponsors. FAIL.
cherkell: Bad Heir hops out and decides it's a good time for his own broody session on the side of a dark Jongno-gu street, as Bean Princess returns home to her dark basement apartment. But yikes, what's this? The place has been cleaned out to the studs! The ajumma next door comes over to say her mother moved out the day she left for the States. WTF?
JoAnne: So did Bean Mom realize that Bean Princess didn't plan to come back or did this just slip her mind as something a mother might share with a child? Oh, Hon - by the way, when you get back, we'll be living somewhere else. How hard would that have been? Well, pretty damn hard if you have to tap it out on a phone, I guess...
cherkell: So in voiceover, we hear Bean Mother tell her that things ain't going too well at Stately Heir Manor and she's going to be their live-in help from now on. Just sleep at the jimjibang for one night and then come move in with her. Bean Princess ever being the cheapskate, decides sleeping on her luggage that has just spent 16 hours in a filthy cargo hold is a better deal.
JoAnne: Do people REALLY sleep in those places overnight? Is this an actual thing?
cherkell: Yep, they do. I tried it one night, but only lasted about six hours before needing to find a more quiet spot. They get quite noisy with all that ajumma chatter and kids running around willy-nilly!
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cherkell: And were they too poor to visit Downtown Disney instead? Better offerings there, my friends. Another missed opportunity!
cherkell: Tutor Heir is getting lectured by the ajumma over her clothing and personal grooming habits -- doesn't she know she has to basically wear a nun's habit while in her employ? Tutor Heir shrugs that off and joins Queasy Heir for his tutoring lesson as he asks why she doesn't quit with all the conditions hanging over her head? Of course, ya big silly… she needs the money. Queasy Heir says it's too bad, since he likes all those things his mother told her not to flash in front of her poor virginal boy.
JoAnne: Please dress like the KDrama Morality Code version of a slut, Tutor-nim. It keeps my eyes focused on you.
cherkell: Tutor Heir thinks otherwise and will capitulate to Mommie Dearest's wishes, as her phone starts buzzing with Sex Heir's name popping up. He gets the Swipe of Defeat, as Queasy Hair asks if that was her namjachingu?
JoAnne: Oh hello, Sex Heir. How YOU doin'?
cherkell: Sex Heir looks nonplussed, but goes back to his jewelry-buying anyway. He picks out a necklace with a wishbone on it, as the smarmy American clerk boy says that this necklace will make his dreams come true. (Unclear on the whole breaking-the-wishbone concept, aren't they?)
JoAnne: When flowers just can't deliver the message, remember the Zales Wish Bone necklace, now in platinum. When you find the girl of your dreams, the only message you need is this one: I love you-please wear my bone with pride.
cherkell: The mental picture... IT BURNS!!!
cherkell: Bean Princess gives Bean Mother what-for upon finding out the money that Bean Mother packed up to give to Evil Sister in the States was their apartment deposit!!! How could she do that because her getting married was all a lie?!? Apparently Evil Sister spilled her guts in a call to Bean Mom and they're cool now… besides, what could she do just by tapping on the phone? And even though it's probably justified, DON'T CALL YOUR SISTER A BITCH!!! *smack*
JoAnne: Whatever. We have to have something to get to the cohabitation part. It might as well be this.
cherkell: Bean Princess is besides herself over not having a place to sleep all over her luggage and asks Mom what they're gonna do now? Mom tells her to wait outside, just as Wifey2 pulls up and gives her the three-second staredown.
JoAnne: This woman sure spends a lot of time at the house she left.
cherkell: Inside, Bean Mother is listening to KiMistress crab at her, until Bean Mother pulls out her bag of tricks and asks how that whole adultery surveillance is going. KiMistress asks if she's being blackmailed, and Bean Mother says yeah, that's basically it. But she feels bad about it! Pouts all around!JoAnne: Yep, these two are going to be fun. I think they should turn it up a notch though. Let Bean Mom really run the KiMistress around. Make the KiMistress be juuuuuuuust a tiny bit more dumb.
cherkell: Then Wifey2 is announced by the other ajumma, and Bean Mom decides maybe she needs to be told about KiMistress's situation. KiMistress wants to know exactly what Bean Mom wants… and write it down quickly!!
JoAnne: I actually really truly like KiMistress. Does anyone remember Kimber from that wacked out show about the two gynocologists in Miami? A tiny bit of that vibe.
cherkell: Bean Mom heads outside and orders Bean Princess to spiffy herself up, since Stately Heir Manor will be the place they're living from now on. Commence montage of Bean Princess getting the nickel tour with her mouth wide open at the opulence, which abruptly ends in the living room watching the two women go at it over the Chairman's health status.
JoAnne: Still hate the sound and sight of Wifey#2 as I do in everything. However, I fall more in love with KiMistress every minute. And I loved her in Yawang, as well. She was Yunho's Momster.
cherkell: And another overbearing mother-in-law in "Ojakgyo Brothers." Park Joon-geum sure gets around!
cherkell: Bitch bitch bitch, and then the Family Tree Situation is brought up again, with both women trying to one-up each other about birthing' some babies or something. KiMistress is reminded her son isn't around at all, and Wifey2 is reminded she couldn't even bear a child. Oooh, instead of a witty retort, Wifey2 decides a slap is in order.
JoAnne: Their relationship is quite interesting to me. I'm betting on more frenemy than enemy.
cherkell: This goes on a bit longer until it is announced that President Sex Heir is home. Wifey2 welcomes him warmly, as KiMistress didn't even know that he went on a trip. Sex Heir tells them to resume what they were doing before he got there, and gives a stunned Bean Princess the ol' up-and-down on his way to his room.
JoAnne: That look? On her face? That is not the look that would have been on my face. Oh no, it is not. Sex Heir, you are unfuckingbelievably hot.
cherkell: If anything, the ladies do listen to him and continue their bickering as ordered, with Wifey2 asking KiMistress if Sex Heir is even the Chairman's flesh and blood. Wifey2's Cool Heir will protect her from Sex Heir at all costs. And she's outta there!
JoAnne: Wait so..what? There's a question of his legitimacy as well? That would explain why he feels so threatened by lil heiry bastard brother. Otherwise, I totally don't get it. Although of course in the eyes of the law, neither of them are bastards.
cherkell: Bean Mother is alerted that it's time for the Chairman's medication, and orders Princess to take it to him. (So indentured servitude is part of the rent?) She runs into Sex Heir, who just nods and they go in together. Chairman asks if she's the ajumma's daughter, but Bean Princess looks likes she'd rather fade into the Persian carpet than stay there much longer.
JoAnne: That little head nod. Please let that be a gif. Please. One engraved on my heart in a bloody tattoo of squee.
Shuk: By request, here he is in all his GumiHeir glory.
cherkell: Chairman orders Sex Heir to sit, but he claims he has to return to the company first. Calling him out on such a lame excuse to escape, Sex Heir says that he saw Good Heir at the party. Chairman says it's time for Good Heir to return from his exile… and if Sex Heir won't do it, the Chairman will. Neeners!
JoAnne: We are now approaching the Entirely Made Up Shit that Doesn't Matter and Confuses JoAnne Zone.
cherkell: ... does not compute... does not compute...
cherkell: Sex Heir doesn't think the Chairman's playing fair between the two boys, but the Chairman states he's right and no duh he hasn't been playing fair. But Sex Heir is taking this whole banishment thing a bit too far. Sex Heir wants some sort of reassurance that he's doing what was expected of him, but the Chairman reminds Sex Heir he didn't ask to see him for his opinion.
JoAnne: WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT HAPPENED WHAT HAPPENED WHAT HAPPENED? Why was one brother allowed to exile another, especially one so young? TELL ME NOW SHOW or I will... pull out some hair. PS: The KimBro relationship is actually the only part of the show that I truly care about. The rest is just fun.
cherkell: KiMistress ices down her cheek and crabs that they're both not even the first wife, so what indignities! Bean Mom tells her she feels her pain, because there's a book called "It Hurts; Therefore, I Am A Mistress." KiMistress says Bean Mom doesn't have such turmoil in her life because she's poor, right?
JoAnne: Dang it, those poor people and their care-free lives! They have it so good!
cherkell: KiMistress suddenly wakes up and realizes that Sex Heir went to the States! Did perchance he happen to run into Cool Heir there? She barges into Sex Heir's room and starts peppering him with "How's Cool Heir doing?" questions, culminating in the ubiquitous "did he ask about me" at the end.
JoAnne: I actually also like the relationship between these two - it's kind of humorous how she is in fear of his disapproval but still feels like she has to press.
cherkell: Sex Heir retorts that at Cool Heir's age, he was already an 8% stockholder and actively involved in the Company. But KiMistress blabbers on with how she's lonely and can't see Cool Heir yadda yadda yadda … until Sex Heir stops her by saying his room isn't a Catholic Church, and take her confessions elsewhere. KiMistress spits back that she's a Buddhist, and stomps out in grand style.
JoAnne: Laughed hard. Thank you Show.
cherkell: But what's that over on Sex Heir's dressing table? Why lookie, it's a picture of Cool Heir on the beach, which morphs into a real life of Cool Heir still on the beach, thinking back to their conversation at the almond grove. More sunset-y brooding follows.
JoAnne: Do you count brooding as staring? You know, for drinking purposes?
cherkell: I would. I'm already three-sheets-to-the-wind as I type this. *hic*
cherkell: Bean Princess asks her mom which one of the ladies she should be the most afraid of, so she can avoid that one at all costs. So in voiceover, we get the family lineage about the pecking order at the mansion… until KiMistress barges in to remind Bean Princess that what goes on at Stately Heir Manor, stays in Stately Heir Manor. And since her mother can't spread any rumors regardless, she trusts Bean Mom to keep her own trap shut.
JoAnne: It's funny because I almost entirely discount any bite to KiMistress's words, especially to or about Bean Mom. That's just their relationship, and it works for both of them, and it doesn't bother Bean Mom at all - do you get the sense she feels like she has to put up with it to keep her job, or do you get more of a vibe that she is fond of KiMistress and this is just how they relate? I know Bean Princess does NOT understand that.
cherkell: Bean Princess tells KiMistress that she will fade into the woodwork until they find a new place to live, as KiMistress orders Bean Mom to the wine cellar for a bottle. Must be Wine O'Clock already!
JoAnne: Bonus round! Any time KiMistress drinks, WE drink!
cherkell: Princess is a good Princess and does the dishes as she promised, and has her own Brood-A-Thon that continues into the next scene where she comes across her mother falling asleep at the ironing board.
JoAnne: Way to burn down a mansion, yo. Ooh. That would give us RoofTop Heirs. I like it.
cherkell: After prettying up the basement hovel, Bean Princess hands Mom the package of almonds she brought back from Cali-for-neee-ah. She reminds Mom to eat them and then go seduce some old rich guy so they can move out tout suite!
JoAnne: See? Almonds = Sex.
cherkell: For some strange reason, Bean Princess feels compelled to apologize to Bean Mom over and over and over again… wae?
JoAnne: She was running away from her mother. She was snotty to her mother. She was embarrassed by her mother. It's a KDrama, and someone needs to be apologizing for something. Need I go on?
cherkell: It's Candyland again, as Bean Princess returns to her job at the Mango Six in Apgujeong and her job at the Chicken Restaurant in who-the-hell-cares. (That borders Don'tGiveAFuck-do, right?) Meanwhile, Cool Heir stares up at the Hollywood Sign for no apparent reason. All that staring must have rendered his eyes mute, as he doesn't even see the note Bean Princess left for him at the school's outdoor message board.
cherkell: More brooding… more reminiscing… more brooding…
JoAnne: Are we watching Dawson's Creek now?
(Maybe ... but less people, more castle)
cherkell: Bean Princess must finally have the money to repay Baby Heir, and calls him only to find out he's returning to Korea soon and she should give it to him in person.
JoAnne: Yay! Everybody loves Baby!
cherkell: KiMistress attempts to wake up to the Chairman already up. She complains that she couldn't sleep at all while thinking about Cool Heir. Chairman says it's time for Cool Heir to come home, which gets KiMistress all giddy and stuff. But then the Chairman pulls the Blame Game Card, and says if Cool Heir is too scared to come home, then he should just stay in the States.
JoAnne: Wow. But he has a point, if we go with the whole chaebol family as sageuk royalty tale premise. Which is fitting very well, I might add. Also: I thought DB was really clever, but just now I realized that they actually MENTION CROWNS in the title. Sigh. I was blinded by Teh Pretty.
cherkell: Cool Heir turns in his Diary Project and thanks the professor for his time, and he turns to the back page to see The Tag Line: Those Who Wear The Crown, Bears Its Weight in perfect penmanship.
JoAnne: Deep Thoughts by Kim Tan.
cherkell: So Cool Heir does just that by returning to Korea with a brand-new hairstyle! (What should we call him now, because "cool" sure does not describe that cut at all.) Secretary Yoon and his lackey are waiting for him at Incheon and say he should call his mom first, but New Hair says he'd rather go see Sex Heir before anything.
JoAnne: Fresh To Death Heir. Brave New Heir. I Can't Do a Thing With My Heir.
cherkell: And that he does, to Sex Heir's utter disgust as he asks how long Tan's visit will be. When New Heir says he's not going back, Sex Heir goes all medieval on Tan's feelings even though Tan insists he's not going after Sex Heir's position. Sex Heir is not wavering and stomps out. Fortunately, Secretary Yoon is there running interference and says the Chairman is next.
JoAnne: This is the first time in the history of KDrama that fans are BEGGING for a flashback to figure out what the DEAL is.
cherkell: Sex Heir gets all pissy at Secretary Yoon and orders him to find a hotel so he doesn't have to stay with his bastard brother in the same zip code. Maybe a new name for Sex Heir is in order as well? Pissy Heir?
JoAnne: Will this be a case of Heir Today, Gone Tomorrow?
cherkell: KiMistress fawns all over New Heir in front of the Chairman, who is in his standard hands-off attitude especially when Tan tells him all he did for three years in the States is party hearty. Thaaaaaat ends their conversation and Tan is ordered to his room to rest.
JoAnne: You went to LA and all you brought me was a breath of Fresh Heir?
cherkell: If Tan really wanted to rub it in, he should have brought back a packet of almonds. BURN.
cherkell: Nice digs he's got there and New Heir starts unpacking to the screeching sounds of KiMistress pumping him for information about his time overseas. Friends with blonde hair? No, friends with big breasts. Drugs? Too expensive. And then she drops the bomb that she heard Tempermental Heir flew over to see him. That was the Heir that broke the camel's back, and New Heir begs off for a shower.
JoAnne: At least it's because she actually loves him, and not because she views him as her ticket to the big time.
cherkell: The ajumma who is attending to Tan's dirty clothes accidentally drops one of Bean Princess's socks that she left at Stately Heir Manor West, and New Hair comes across the dreamcatcher also packed in his bag. More Brooding as he hangs it up…
JoAnne: I can see I need to buy more booze.
cherkell: Bean Princess stares at her boarding pass and takes a picture of it (I am assuming) for her blog. Geez, people will write about anything, ne? :)
JoAnne: My dog has a blog.
cherkell: Your Honor, I rest my case.
cherkell: Lots more brooding and longing stares at the sky, while OST Part.3 plays underneath. Very loudly I might add.
JoAnne: Next on Viki: A Celebrity ReHeirb Special! Follow along as a group of bloggers attempt to heal their livers after watching a particularly broody 'RomCom'.
cherkell: New Heir walks by the laundry hanging out to dry, and spies Bean Princess's red Nikes thrown on top. It triggers something in him, but he heads in for breakfast anyway. While shoveling in food, he gets a sudden thought that makes him bolt for the doorway.
JoAnne: These eggs taste like feet! Blerrrrrrrrrrrg.
cherkell: Bean Princess arrives with cleaning supplies for her mom, as she gets a look at the back of New Heir walking up this staircase all decked out in B-Boy Wear, so of course she can't see his face at all. Ah geez, I see where this is going with all the 'missed connection' crap.
JoAnne: I was really giggling through out this. They're never much more than an heir-length apart.
cherkell: But in the middle of the night, Bean Princess is roused from a sound sleep by Mom, who orders her to make herself scarce for a day from the Downstairs because shit's going down in the Upstairs due to Sex Heir not coming home for d ays because New Heir has returned to the nest.
JoAnne: Because sleeping in a dark closet somewhere below-stairs is so fucking disruptive.
cherkell: Hyungsik and Bad Heir pull up in a cab just for Hyungsik to pop in for some quick family time, and orders Bad Heir to wait for him at the conbini up the street. As Hyungsik cleans himself up to go inside, he runs into a still-asleep Bean Princess, who merely staggers down the street.
JoAnne: He proves the truth of his name as Thick Heir, doesn't he? What a doofus!
cherkell: Ah, so that's his nickname. I really should write all this down. But I'd rather drink! *double hic*
cherkell: Bad Heir is waiting for his ramyun to soak, as Bean Princess wanders into the same conbini for a bottle of what looks like Midori Liquor (but is actually melon water and really tastes like crap. Seriously.). Some strange song that I assume is OST Part.4 plays underneath, as Bad Heir gives her his Patented Stare while Bean Princess obliviously chugs away.
JoAnne: I am caught between options. Was he picking up on phallic references or simply impressed by her ability to chug?
cherkell: Chugging all done, she wanders outside to one of the tables and falls asleep, still oblivious to Bad Heir plopping down across from her slurping away on his noodles. Two grade-schoolers come running up screaming and fighting over a toy, but Bad Heir tries to shut them up by showing them the passed-out Bean Princess. The kids start crying for their mom instead. The hell?
JoAnne: Somehow I don't think it's just kids who cry when Woobie randomly speaks to them.
cherkell: That finally wakes up Bean Princess, who is still in a semi-comatose state and wanders away from the screaming brats. Fortunately, Hyungsik's car pulls up and Bad Heir claims that the kids were picking a fight with him because he doesn't have a mommy. Hyungsik states what is on everyone's mind at this moment: Kids Be Scary These Days.
JoAnne: Liking Bad Heir more and more. That throwaway 'my heart' line? Good stuff.
cherkell: Bo-na Heir bounces into the recording studio and passes her fellow members of f(x) on her way to bother some other boy band in their dressing room. And HA-HA she gets her OST songs all screwed up with Hong-ki's tunes. That actually made me laugh. She also screws up the appearance schedule with another band, but that didn't make me laugh.
JoAnne: I always like the little guerilla cameos, if I can tell who the people are. The boys were from Vixx, and HongKi is in FTIsland... but is good friends with CNBlue, which is Baby's band.
cherkell: At least I know who that Heechul guy is, and he joins that band on stage for some good-natured hoobae-sunbae ribbing. Heechul also gets some hits in on Bo-na until she gets a text from Baby Heir calling her out for the audacity to talk to another guy.. right in front of him?
JoAnne: Heechul's been gone for most of my KDrama foray, but apparently he's quite the character. I liked him here. Wonder if he will do a drama?
cherkell: He just returned from his Mandatory Military, so expect to see a lot of his face to remind the public he's still alive.
cherkell: Baby Heir apparently returned from Korea without calling Bo-na Heir first, so she must give him a hard time over that, all the while Heechul is still trying to get Bo-na's attention… and failing. Too cute, that boy!
JoAnne: She really does like him. It's not just a 'must possess the cute' thing. hmm.
cherkell: They head home to eat, with Baby Heir and Teddy Daddy Heir in their matching aprons again. Rolled eggs are cooked and bean sprouts are rinsed for cold noodles. *drool* Baby Heir gives Daddy a hard time about not having a girlfriend to cook for him, but Bo-na says that can wait until after Baby Heir goes to college. Daddy lobs back that since Baby Heir needs to go to college, she needs to break up with him.
JoAnne: Is there hope for Stringy?
cherkell: Baby Heir tells the table he met Cool Heir while in LA, which almost makes Bo-na snort her noodles out her nose and then feigns ignorance that she knows a 'Kim Tan' at all. Baby Heir and Daddy look at each other with a 'yeah, right' look on their faces.
JoAnne: Gonna go out on a limb and say he always knew. This is stupid. If they all were in school together and Kim Tan ran the world with Young Do, then everyone knows what he was doing, everywhere. Plot fail.
cherkell: Hyungsik and Bo-na discuss world events… wait. They actually discuss how she feels like Baby Heir is gonna dump her now that he's found out she dated Good Heir in the past. Hyungsik just sits there, feeding into her paranoia with witty retorts.
JoAnne: Where IS this room? What IS this room?
cherkell: I assumed it was at Bad Heir's palatial compound. But doesn't it remind you of the abandoned basement room in "Dream High?" Only with a designer's touch and more lighting.
cherkell: Cool Heir is back to that hairstyle again, and is still staring at that damn dreamcatcher when he sees Bean Princess's post about her time in LA. Since Cool Heir never logged off her Facebook account in LA, he decides to post under her name, saying that she was there and he can attest to it.
JoAnne: I don't mind the whole digital connection bit they're milking, it's often cute.
cherkell: Of course that sets off Bean Princess and she asks him if he wants to die. He says he can't do that because he's a drug dealer, remember? Asking where she is, she heads into the maid's quarters just a nanosecond-shy of Cool Heir leaving by another door.
JoAnne: Why...why...it's just as if they came from different WORLDS, Cher.
cherkell: I'm waiting for a Quantum Leap Moment to occur, then this will become the BEST SERIES EVAH.
cherkell: And in a Fashion Faux Pas moment, Bean Mother returns from the wine cellar wearing the "I ♡ California" t-shirt Bean Princess brought back from her trip. As Cool Heir passes her on the walkway, it triggers something in his memory…
JoAnne: Kim Tan, to self: ... did we get a new housekeeper?
cherkell: KiMistress is lounging on the settee, trying to learn English by listening to the story of Sleeping Beauty as Bean Princess arrives with some cheese. KiMistress berates Bean Mom for bringing the wrong bottle of wine to her, as Bean Princess notices the bear socks she's sporting… that went missing… urp!
JoAnne: Right. Yes. Because even in chaebol families, the socks are hard to manage.
cherkell: Bean Princess says she'll bring the wine from now on, much to KiMistress's delight while reminding her she might as well work since she's staying there for free. Mom turns and gives Bean Princess heck for butting in, and in the first instance of it, SIGNS to Mom that she might as well since they're freeloaders anyway.
JoAnne: Say it out loud! I'm here and I'm proud! Free loaders!
cherkell: Bean Princess finally arrives at the wine cellar located in the next town over, and after taking a good long look at the scene, matter-of-factly states that the wine lives in better conditions than she does right now.
JoAnne: Me, too.
cherkell: Wait until I send you guys pictures of my new place. I keep telling myself it's just practice for when I permanently move to a capsule apartment in Tokyo.
cherkell: In the meantime, Cool Heir is all crankypants because Bean Princess has not responded to his last post. Bean Princess walks back to the house just a few feet away from Cool Heir's bench-sitting hinder. He hears a door open and barely sees the back of her head before she heads inside.
JoAnne: Why Cher, it's as if Fate is TEASING them!
cherkell: Yet another missed meeting, and Cool Heir asks KiMistress if she's ever been paralyzed by sleep in their house. When she replies in the negative, he says he keeps seeing a girl with long hair walking around the grounds. KiMistress tells him that's the daughter of the housekeeper… and she thinks her name is Cha… Eun... Sung?
JoAnne: Close, no sausage.
cherkell: Cool Heir asks why she lives there of all places, and KiMistress explains the whole taking out the apartment deposit to give to the eldest daughter for her wedding. The wheels start turning in Good Heir's head.
JoAnne: Yes, it's far more common than you'd think, that scenario. He shouldn't just make the to-us logical conclusion that this is HIS bean princess.
cherkell: Cool Heir paces in his room still wondering, and remembers the incident on the beach when Evil Sister took all of Mom's money from Bean Princess. He posts demanding her to respond ASAP as to her whereabouts. She replies that she's in her kitchen drinking water… why?
JoAnne: Why did they not play the music from Chariots of Fire?
cherkell: I think the Benny Hill theme would have fit in perfectly. MUSIC DIRECTOR FAIL.
cherkell: Cool Heir runs downstairs and slowly opens the door to the kitchen to see Bean Princess at the island drinking water and staring at her phone. And that's it for Episode 4!
JoAnne: Sigh. I am spent, I tell you. SPENT.
Final Thoughts
cherkell: All in all, a pretty cute episode. Truth be told, I was entering this show with much trepidation… that many SM idols in one spot would normally make me break out in hives. But it's a cute little coming-of-age story, only told with a ton of Rich Spoiled Brats with more money than they should be allowed to handle. And I STILL just don't buy that these actors are trying to play teenage kids.
What kills me is the interaction between Cool Heir and Sex Hair, as there has GOT to be something major contributing to Sex's utter loathing of his step-brother. Kudos to LMH for playing his feelings so close to his vest at present, because I doubt I would have that kind of restraint over being mistreated as the red-haired stepchild. (Though I would be lying if I kinda zone out and stare slack-jawed when Choi Jin-hyuk opens his mouth to speak...)
Bean Princess has stepped a toe into the Candy Cesspool and at least hasn't gone overboard yet. I applaud her for calling out Slutty Sister on her actions, but I have a premonition that won't be where it ends. The First Rule of Scriptwriting states that a character introduced in the First Act (i.e., Episode 1) will always be reintroduced in the Last Act (prolly Episodes 18/19). I could speculate as to how Slutty Sister will reappear, but we still have 16 more episodes of this in front of us. *sigh*
JoAnne: I like where this is going. I'm glad they're all back in Korea where we Americans know what to expect - yes, I know some of us aren't Americans. Sheesh. I like the mystery between the brothers. I think we're seeing layers to the bad kids, which is nice, and we have time to get to know others still. There's a lot of people here. They can't throw it all at us at once and think it would stick. I don't mind the angsty bits so far and the funny is working for me. I hope he doesn't reveal himself to her as Second Son yet. I want them to meet at school and him be spending time keeping her from figuring out where he lives and who he really is. Don't know how it's possible, but it's what I want. So T'Heir you have it, HeirHeads. I'm in.
cherkell: Exactly. You guys think we've exhausted all the HeirPuns? Heh. They don't know us very well, do they?
Recapper: cherkell
Commentor: JoAnne
Art Work: Shuk/kakashi
JoAnne: I feel like that Kristin Wiig character in SNL who really likes parties. Oh - my - gawwwwwwwwwwwwd, this is so EXCITING. Not the show, no. That's not particularly exciting, yet. But I get to comment!
EPISODE 4
cherkell: We return to the scene of the clinch… erm, I mean crime at the LAX departure lobby. Tempermental Heir decides the Los Angeles summers are too cold and snuggles up to Cool Heir for some body heat, as Bean Princess looks on that happy tableau and Cool Heir looks up to catch Bean Princess looking at them. Lots of looking here.
JoAnne: And drinking here. Way to be a bastard, Kim Tan. Although I don't get the impression that's your intent - your shout to the Bean Princess definitely seemed to be something you didn't have any control over.
JoAnne: Lee Min Ho is actually a pretty convincing teenage boy. But can we get to something that's more fun to snark about, Show?
(kakanote: when saying "show an emotion for once", do you mean this GREAT emotional acting there on the right?)
JoAnne: We interrupt this episode to offer you some Ho Nuts. Good to see that at least YOUR nunchi is well-developed, Bean.
JoAnne: My sympathies for Tempie are growing, despite her bitchy ways. She knows which way the wind is blowing her Heir.
JoAnne: And too stupid to just ask for another form, I think, but that must have happened off camera because she was allowed into the country right behind First-Class Heir so there couldn't have been a problem with the declaration. Why do we get hung up on this shit? Is it because we're actually adults, despite our snarking, lusting ways?
cherkell: Believe it or not, Bad Heir does end up meeting Tempermental Heir at Incheon holding up a sign saying "Welcome to my 'Step' Sister." TH just slides right on by, but Bad Heir catches up to her crabby ass. She tells him nice job losing to his father, and says he needs to go back to washing dishes instead. Ordering him to push her cart, Bad Heir lets out an expletive and pushes away… as Bean Princess finally arrives herself.
JoAnne: I loved that disgusted, pissy little face he made at her back. I think Woobie is actually getting to be a decent actor. He doesn't always project hugely, which is good, and that alien face can be used for so MUCH. Right now in the glasses he's Cool Heiry Potter.
JoAnne: Creedleback: The superband formed by Chad Kroeger of Nickleback and Scott Stapp of Creed in 2012. According to the Mayans, the arrival of Creedleback is the harbinger of the apocalypse.
JoAnne: Which makes me wonder who DOES know, besides Woobie, amongst the Heirbies? And how is that connected to his exile, because they said it was, I think - and why would that be BAD news for Sex Heir, because if it were well-known that Kim Tan was a bastard, wouldn't he be HeirLess?
cherkell: "Nair" really lost out on becoming one of their sponsors. FAIL.
JoAnne: So did Bean Mom realize that Bean Princess didn't plan to come back or did this just slip her mind as something a mother might share with a child? Oh, Hon - by the way, when you get back, we'll be living somewhere else. How hard would that have been? Well, pretty damn hard if you have to tap it out on a phone, I guess...
JoAnne: Do people REALLY sleep in those places overnight? Is this an actual thing?
cherkell: Yep, they do. I tried it one night, but only lasted about six hours before needing to find a more quiet spot. They get quite noisy with all that ajumma chatter and kids running around willy-nilly!
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cherkell: Meanwhile, at Stately Heir Manor West, it's a Pool Party Weekend! Everyone's having a good time (even the Spicoli Clone) but Cool Heir would rather stare at the picture of Baby Heir and Bean Princess being all cute at CityWalk on his phone.
JoAnne: Did they send it to him? Or did they post it to her NotFB page? Or is he just picking it up on the Heir Waves?cherkell: And were they too poor to visit Downtown Disney instead? Better offerings there, my friends. Another missed opportunity!
JoAnne: Please dress like the KDrama Morality Code version of a slut, Tutor-nim. It keeps my eyes focused on you.
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| (like this?) |
JoAnne: Oh hello, Sex Heir. How YOU doin'?
JoAnne: When flowers just can't deliver the message, remember the Zales Wish Bone necklace, now in platinum. When you find the girl of your dreams, the only message you need is this one: I love you-please wear my bone with pride.
cherkell: The mental picture... IT BURNS!!!
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| Sales of THIS wonderful item went up by 379% yesterday. I wonder why... |
JoAnne: Whatever. We have to have something to get to the cohabitation part. It might as well be this.
JoAnne: This woman sure spends a lot of time at the house she left.
cherkell: Inside, Bean Mother is listening to KiMistress crab at her, until Bean Mother pulls out her bag of tricks and asks how that whole adultery surveillance is going. KiMistress asks if she's being blackmailed, and Bean Mother says yeah, that's basically it. But she feels bad about it! Pouts all around!JoAnne: Yep, these two are going to be fun. I think they should turn it up a notch though. Let Bean Mom really run the KiMistress around. Make the KiMistress be juuuuuuuust a tiny bit more dumb.
JoAnne: I actually really truly like KiMistress. Does anyone remember Kimber from that wacked out show about the two gynocologists in Miami? A tiny bit of that vibe.
JoAnne: Still hate the sound and sight of Wifey#2 as I do in everything. However, I fall more in love with KiMistress every minute. And I loved her in Yawang, as well. She was Yunho's Momster.
cherkell: And another overbearing mother-in-law in "Ojakgyo Brothers." Park Joon-geum sure gets around!
JoAnne: Their relationship is quite interesting to me. I'm betting on more frenemy than enemy.
JoAnne: That look? On her face? That is not the look that would have been on my face. Oh no, it is not. Sex Heir, you are unfuckingbelievably hot.
JoAnne: Wait so..what? There's a question of his legitimacy as well? That would explain why he feels so threatened by lil heiry bastard brother. Otherwise, I totally don't get it. Although of course in the eyes of the law, neither of them are bastards.
cherkell: Bean Mother is alerted that it's time for the Chairman's medication, and orders Princess to take it to him. (So indentured servitude is part of the rent?) She runs into Sex Heir, who just nods and they go in together. Chairman asks if she's the ajumma's daughter, but Bean Princess looks likes she'd rather fade into the Persian carpet than stay there much longer.
JoAnne: That little head nod. Please let that be a gif. Please. One engraved on my heart in a bloody tattoo of squee.
Shuk: By request, here he is in all his GumiHeir glory.
JoAnne: We are now approaching the Entirely Made Up Shit that Doesn't Matter and Confuses JoAnne Zone.
cherkell: ... does not compute... does not compute...
JoAnne: WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT HAPPENED WHAT HAPPENED WHAT HAPPENED? Why was one brother allowed to exile another, especially one so young? TELL ME NOW SHOW or I will... pull out some hair. PS: The KimBro relationship is actually the only part of the show that I truly care about. The rest is just fun.
JoAnne: Dang it, those poor people and their care-free lives! They have it so good!
cherkell: KiMistress suddenly wakes up and realizes that Sex Heir went to the States! Did perchance he happen to run into Cool Heir there? She barges into Sex Heir's room and starts peppering him with "How's Cool Heir doing?" questions, culminating in the ubiquitous "did he ask about me" at the end.
JoAnne: I actually also like the relationship between these two - it's kind of humorous how she is in fear of his disapproval but still feels like she has to press.
JoAnne: Laughed hard. Thank you Show.
cherkell: But what's that over on Sex Heir's dressing table? Why lookie, it's a picture of Cool Heir on the beach, which morphs into a real life of Cool Heir still on the beach, thinking back to their conversation at the almond grove. More sunset-y brooding follows.
JoAnne: Do you count brooding as staring? You know, for drinking purposes?
cherkell: I would. I'm already three-sheets-to-the-wind as I type this. *hic*
JoAnne: It's funny because I almost entirely discount any bite to KiMistress's words, especially to or about Bean Mom. That's just their relationship, and it works for both of them, and it doesn't bother Bean Mom at all - do you get the sense she feels like she has to put up with it to keep her job, or do you get more of a vibe that she is fond of KiMistress and this is just how they relate? I know Bean Princess does NOT understand that.
JoAnne: Bonus round! Any time KiMistress drinks, WE drink!
JoAnne: Way to burn down a mansion, yo. Ooh. That would give us RoofTop Heirs. I like it.
cherkell: After prettying up the basement hovel, Bean Princess hands Mom the package of almonds she brought back from Cali-for-neee-ah. She reminds Mom to eat them and then go seduce some old rich guy so they can move out tout suite!
JoAnne: See? Almonds = Sex.
JoAnne: She was running away from her mother. She was snotty to her mother. She was embarrassed by her mother. It's a KDrama, and someone needs to be apologizing for something. Need I go on?
cherkell: More brooding… more reminiscing… more brooding…
JoAnne: Are we watching Dawson's Creek now?
(Maybe ... but less people, more castle)
cherkell: Bean Princess must finally have the money to repay Baby Heir, and calls him only to find out he's returning to Korea soon and she should give it to him in person.
JoAnne: Yay! Everybody loves Baby!
cherkell: KiMistress attempts to wake up to the Chairman already up. She complains that she couldn't sleep at all while thinking about Cool Heir. Chairman says it's time for Cool Heir to come home, which gets KiMistress all giddy and stuff. But then the Chairman pulls the Blame Game Card, and says if Cool Heir is too scared to come home, then he should just stay in the States.
JoAnne: Wow. But he has a point, if we go with the whole chaebol family as sageuk royalty tale premise. Which is fitting very well, I might add. Also: I thought DB was really clever, but just now I realized that they actually MENTION CROWNS in the title. Sigh. I was blinded by Teh Pretty.
cherkell: KiMistress tries calling Cool Heir again, to no avail since he's sleeping on a park bench at UCLA. Cool Heir is off in Dreamland, telling his family members one by one that he wants to come home. Don't they miss him?
JoAnne: Damn that sad puppy heir. I must have allergies, it makes my eyes water.cherkell: Cool Heir turns in his Diary Project and thanks the professor for his time, and he turns to the back page to see The Tag Line: Those Who Wear The Crown, Bears Its Weight in perfect penmanship.
JoAnne: Deep Thoughts by Kim Tan.
JoAnne: Fresh To Death Heir. Brave New Heir. I Can't Do a Thing With My Heir.
JoAnne: This is the first time in the history of KDrama that fans are BEGGING for a flashback to figure out what the DEAL is.
cherkell: Sex Heir gets all pissy at Secretary Yoon and orders him to find a hotel so he doesn't have to stay with his bastard brother in the same zip code. Maybe a new name for Sex Heir is in order as well? Pissy Heir?
JoAnne: Will this be a case of Heir Today, Gone Tomorrow?
cherkell: KiMistress fawns all over New Heir in front of the Chairman, who is in his standard hands-off attitude especially when Tan tells him all he did for three years in the States is party hearty. Thaaaaaat ends their conversation and Tan is ordered to his room to rest.
JoAnne: You went to LA and all you brought me was a breath of Fresh Heir?
cherkell: If Tan really wanted to rub it in, he should have brought back a packet of almonds. BURN.
JoAnne: At least it's because she actually loves him, and not because she views him as her ticket to the big time.
cherkell: The ajumma who is attending to Tan's dirty clothes accidentally drops one of Bean Princess's socks that she left at Stately Heir Manor West, and New Hair comes across the dreamcatcher also packed in his bag. More Brooding as he hangs it up…
JoAnne: I can see I need to buy more booze.
JoAnne: My dog has a blog.
cherkell: Your Honor, I rest my case.
JoAnne: Next on Viki: A Celebrity ReHeirb Special! Follow along as a group of bloggers attempt to heal their livers after watching a particularly broody 'RomCom'.
JoAnne: These eggs taste like feet! Blerrrrrrrrrrrg.
JoAnne: I was really giggling through out this. They're never much more than an heir-length apart.
JoAnne: Because sleeping in a dark closet somewhere below-stairs is so fucking disruptive.
cherkell: Hyungsik and Bad Heir pull up in a cab just for Hyungsik to pop in for some quick family time, and orders Bad Heir to wait for him at the conbini up the street. As Hyungsik cleans himself up to go inside, he runs into a still-asleep Bean Princess, who merely staggers down the street.
JoAnne: He proves the truth of his name as Thick Heir, doesn't he? What a doofus!
cherkell: Ah, so that's his nickname. I really should write all this down. But I'd rather drink! *double hic*
cherkell: Bad Heir is waiting for his ramyun to soak, as Bean Princess wanders into the same conbini for a bottle of what looks like Midori Liquor (but is actually melon water and really tastes like crap. Seriously.). Some strange song that I assume is OST Part.4 plays underneath, as Bad Heir gives her his Patented Stare while Bean Princess obliviously chugs away.
JoAnne: I am caught between options. Was he picking up on phallic references or simply impressed by her ability to chug?
JoAnne: Somehow I don't think it's just kids who cry when Woobie randomly speaks to them.
JoAnne: Liking Bad Heir more and more. That throwaway 'my heart' line? Good stuff.
JoAnne: I always like the little guerilla cameos, if I can tell who the people are. The boys were from Vixx, and HongKi is in FTIsland... but is good friends with CNBlue, which is Baby's band.
JoAnne: Heechul's been gone for most of my KDrama foray, but apparently he's quite the character. I liked him here. Wonder if he will do a drama?
cherkell: He just returned from his Mandatory Military, so expect to see a lot of his face to remind the public he's still alive.
JoAnne: She really does like him. It's not just a 'must possess the cute' thing. hmm.
cherkell: They head home to eat, with Baby Heir and Teddy Daddy Heir in their matching aprons again. Rolled eggs are cooked and bean sprouts are rinsed for cold noodles. *drool* Baby Heir gives Daddy a hard time about not having a girlfriend to cook for him, but Bo-na says that can wait until after Baby Heir goes to college. Daddy lobs back that since Baby Heir needs to go to college, she needs to break up with him.
JoAnne: Is there hope for Stringy?
JoAnne: Gonna go out on a limb and say he always knew. This is stupid. If they all were in school together and Kim Tan ran the world with Young Do, then everyone knows what he was doing, everywhere. Plot fail.
-No Pictures Here Cause It's Boring-
cherkell: Hyungsik and Bo-na discuss world events… wait. They actually discuss how she feels like Baby Heir is gonna dump her now that he's found out she dated Good Heir in the past. Hyungsik just sits there, feeding into her paranoia with witty retorts.
JoAnne: Where IS this room? What IS this room?
cherkell: I assumed it was at Bad Heir's palatial compound. But doesn't it remind you of the abandoned basement room in "Dream High?" Only with a designer's touch and more lighting.
cherkell: Cool Heir is back to that hairstyle again, and is still staring at that damn dreamcatcher when he sees Bean Princess's post about her time in LA. Since Cool Heir never logged off her Facebook account in LA, he decides to post under her name, saying that she was there and he can attest to it.
JoAnne: I don't mind the whole digital connection bit they're milking, it's often cute.
JoAnne: Why...why...it's just as if they came from different WORLDS, Cher.
cherkell: I'm waiting for a Quantum Leap Moment to occur, then this will become the BEST SERIES EVAH.
JoAnne: Kim Tan, to self: ... did we get a new housekeeper?
JoAnne: Right. Yes. Because even in chaebol families, the socks are hard to manage.
JoAnne: Say it out loud! I'm here and I'm proud! Free loaders!
cherkell: Bean Princess finally arrives at the wine cellar located in the next town over, and after taking a good long look at the scene, matter-of-factly states that the wine lives in better conditions than she does right now.
JoAnne: Me, too.
cherkell: Wait until I send you guys pictures of my new place. I keep telling myself it's just practice for when I permanently move to a capsule apartment in Tokyo.
JoAnne: Why Cher, it's as if Fate is TEASING them!
JoAnne: Close, no sausage.
JoAnne: Yes, it's far more common than you'd think, that scenario. He shouldn't just make the to-us logical conclusion that this is HIS bean princess.
cherkell: Cool Heir paces in his room still wondering, and remembers the incident on the beach when Evil Sister took all of Mom's money from Bean Princess. He posts demanding her to respond ASAP as to her whereabouts. She replies that she's in her kitchen drinking water… why?
JoAnne: Why did they not play the music from Chariots of Fire?
cherkell: I think the Benny Hill theme would have fit in perfectly. MUSIC DIRECTOR FAIL.
JoAnne: Sigh. I am spent, I tell you. SPENT.
Final Thoughts
cherkell: All in all, a pretty cute episode. Truth be told, I was entering this show with much trepidation… that many SM idols in one spot would normally make me break out in hives. But it's a cute little coming-of-age story, only told with a ton of Rich Spoiled Brats with more money than they should be allowed to handle. And I STILL just don't buy that these actors are trying to play teenage kids.
Bean Princess has stepped a toe into the Candy Cesspool and at least hasn't gone overboard yet. I applaud her for calling out Slutty Sister on her actions, but I have a premonition that won't be where it ends. The First Rule of Scriptwriting states that a character introduced in the First Act (i.e., Episode 1) will always be reintroduced in the Last Act (prolly Episodes 18/19). I could speculate as to how Slutty Sister will reappear, but we still have 16 more episodes of this in front of us. *sigh*
cherkell: Exactly. You guys think we've exhausted all the HeirPuns? Heh. They don't know us very well, do they?
Commentor: JoAnne
Art Work: Shuk/kakashi