Ice Fantasy 幻城 - Episode 56 (Recap)

kakashi: Well. If you thought people would finally find out about the soul-swapping in this episode .... Kasuo gets some sex though.
SakiVI: Yay, I guess. But the closeups of the actors' nose pores was seriously unsexy.
JoAnne: Everything about this drama is seriously unsexy. Oh wait..Yuan Ji is sexy.
He's dead though, JoAnne

Episode 56

In Lavaland, Yan Da finds a severed hand on the floor. As one does... End of sequence.
That's it? No point to it? It was just there?
Lan Shang is visiting the new multiculti market that has sprung to life at the Ice Castle. So many cultures, so much life! She is so energetic and her legs, wow, they work so well! Because she's not a virgin. The wonders of a good stretch. There's a dreamer who is asleep (cause it's day) and Lan Shang (that is, Li Luo), remembers that info from her, well, other life. Amazing! And still, nobody gets it!
Next, soup noodles! including raw fish and prawns. Oh, but she can hear the fish, like the real Lan Shang could. Now this is getting confusing, even for me. Li Luo's memories, Lan Shang's ears. Fake Lan Shang can't bear to eat the fish after this. She buys all of them and sets them free. Then, she has noodles. She gets totally drunk from them - ah, yes. There was that thing with the mermaids, wasn't there? Not that I remember clearly, it seems like in my previous life. Something about mortal food.
No memory of that at all. But it makes sense - Lan Shang's body.
Later, she drunkenly sings the Snowman song (Li Luo and two guardian friends intervene). This is exactly how Li Luo behaves when she is drunk *nudge, nudge, wink, wink*. Dearest show, you are just beating a dead horse that is already mush by now, seriously.
Trouble is that all the brains around are mush too.
I bet I know what else is mush. It rhymes with Kasuo. Well no, actually, it is Kasuo.
Li Luo has the drunk Lan Shang brought to her chambers. Are they bonding? A little bit, maybe, before Lan Shang passes out. Mermaid Saint comes to pick her up and Li Luo smiles at her oh-so-fondly.
I want to burn that wig. It doesn't even look like a wig she's wearing. It looks like a cut-out from something else that they've photo-shopped onto her head.
So that severed hand Yan Da found? It belonged to one of Phoenix's lieutenants. Yan Da says the evil person must be one of them, because she set up good enchantment shields as perimeter security and none were breached, so it couldn't have been an outsider. Flame dismisses this and suggests it must be an enemy of Phoenix - he is sure to have many. You look mighty suspicious there, Flame.
Suspicious, but handsome. 
He looks like he's trying really hard to remember something. What he had for dinner last night? Why he came into the room? Where he left his Mermaid Tear? No one knows.
At the Bear-Fairy event, nothing happens. So basically, it's like this episode. Healer suggests Chan Da should play the harp for a bit to liven up things. Nope, not gonna happen (we find out later why). Luna has an idea - use Healer for some violent comedy. It works, both the Bears and the Fairies thinks it's great and start drinking and cheering.
Now I look like Flame, trying to remember who Chan Da is.
Oups, typo. Sawry. What's her name again? Chao Ya. I think that's it
And suddenly .... there is the enchanting music again! The Bears and Fairies try to kill each other again promptly and the Scoobies go in search of the culprit. Yup, it's Dieche and she is standing on a log. Why is she here, doing this? She wants a match with Chao Ya, for the position of the queen!
I'm okay with this.
Ohhhh that's who it is. Chao Ya.
Chao Ya should be able to resist evil Dieche with her own music if she really wants to stay the Queen. But! We find out Chao Ya can no longer play the harp at all since she returned from Snowwhatever Mountain. She is too sad and "nothing is left in her music" but sorrow and misery. I DON'T CARE. To make it even more annoying, the fight isn't happening now - Dieche just disappears and says "see you later". Got more episodes to fill, yes.
OMG I hate everything.
So, who can give Chao Ya back her will to live? It's her people. Awwwww, how heartwarming. She is their queen! They need her! All is well and Chao Ya has her music back and everyone loves each other and the world is paradise.
As long as she doesn't end up with Dreamer. I wouldn't do that to him. No really, I mean it. Dreamer is off limits to her.
Oh. Ohhhh, here comes Kasuo, with the ring! The ring he once before wanted to give to Li Luo. He approaches the bed and ... oups, wrong woman. I mean the RIGHT woman in the wrong body. And he doesn't even recognize her from behind, wow. It's a bit awkward, yes, Kasuo? Especially when Lan Shang (she thinks she's still in a dream) hugs him close and Li Luo comes in and secretly sees it.
I am contemplating impaling myself on a very sharp ice cube right about now.
Come on, Kasuo, admit it .... you kinda like to cuddle with Lan Shang, don't you? This sequence is also a bit funny, because she treats him really roughly.
Roughly is probably how he secretly likes things.
Let's accidentally on purpose beat his ass, then, shall we? He's so irritating.
If you thought the point of all this is to have the two women realize they have been swapped, you're wrong. But maybe Kasuo finally gets it? No. The point is that Li Luo gets to have a hissy fit at Kasuo and he can carry her to his room and MAKE LOVE TO HER. After a long and drawn out conversation about why she keeps avoiding him and her thinking he doesn't really like her.
He doesn't like her soul. But he doesn't realize that yet. 
I hate her guts, does that count?
The next morning, Lan Shang picks up the ring Kasuo wanted to give Li Luo (he accidentally dropped it when Lan Shang assaulted him). She vows to give it back later.
Madina Memet looks really pretty as LiLuo-In-LanShang.
She does. I'll give her that.
Then, it's the big alliance celebration event. Kasuo is wearing his longest coat and Li Luo her shortest skirt. Tension is mounting (not really) - we all know that Shi is supposed to do something horrible during this event. Where is he though? Representatives of all the tribes pledge their souls in this pact. No Fire Shi.
He's watching Ten Miles of Peach Blossoms.
After this, Kasuo especially honors Lan Shang and Li Luo for their great services. Li Luo is also to be crowned Queen. She gets a huge pink dildo. She's so pleased! Kasuo smiles fondly. That pink is probably his colour. And then, he approaches her to give her the ring ... but where is it? In Lan Shang's hand! Will she be able to give it back?
Who cares about the ring? He already gave Li Luo the only thing that will help her in the years to come.
Also: Big reveal in Lavaland! The one killing people - or rather, just Phoenix's men - is Flame! He is ever more hungry for souls. Gotta get them from somewhere!
Sometimes I get hungry for Flame. Just saying.
He reminds me too much of Wonder Woman, but with a mustache.  


Let me just quietly chuckle for a minute because this recap is really funny. This show is just pulling its nose at us, spending time on nothing, telling us things we have heard a thousand times already. And still: nobody knows the two women have been swapped.
Flame or YanDa would figure it out, but they're not there in Iceland.
Only 3,428 more episodes to go.