CUBIC (A Snarkcap) -- Episode 5

Trot:  So I am going to try a new strategy for these snarkcaps. I’m going to do a first draft from fast forwarding through rewatch and typing up whatever I remember from that. Then I’ll watch at regular speed to fill in gaping Stare holes. Do you think this will keep me from hitting the 3000 word mark? Hey, I’ll try anything at this point.
Shuk: I'm just happy that so many people are enjoying these. It's nice to know that Thai entertainment has many fans out there.
Kmuse: I agree. Good TV needs to be shared with the masses/fans. Even if it is good tv that is really really cheesy and bad.
Shuk: Or tasseled.

Fake Title: The First Real Death, or With All These Characters Why Kill off Someone We Know (and Like)?
 

We open with Nark riding her bike to school and getting yelled at by LLS for being too far in the driving lane. She thanks him for worrying, but we all know that he’s partly annoyed by her being in the lane and blocking the way. I see it more as LLS looking for an excuse to talk with his lady love.    We next see her and Danny eating hamburgers in the cafeteria. LLS enters and seeing them scowls. Nark looks nervous as he walks towards them. He stare/scowls at her and finally Danny asks him if he wants a hamburger. LLS wants to know why he is still here since he assumed that Danny would have left with his dad, Carlos. Danny just smirks and says he needs to go to school. However, LLS has looked into Danny’s record, and apparently grungeboy isn’t doing well. LLS warns Danny that if he doesn’t pull his grades up, he will get expelled and stalks off.
What principal has a Black Suit Posse with him when strolling the hallowed halls of his educational edifice? The scowling makes him look like a petulant child, but hey, it's an expression. It gets a thumbs up and gif.

This is a new look for LLS.  He totally had his jealousy nostril flare going strong. And am I mistaken in thinking that Nark had some romantic interest finally leaking into her stares?
If you go by her themes song in the last episode, she does. She thinks he's handsome. She just can't comprehend that he'd be into her. Remember, she is more struck by Mei Jin's beauty than he is.

Nark is really surprised that LLS cares so much about Danny. What?  Danny looks at her in amazement. He can’t believe that she thinks that. (neither can we, Danny. Neither can we). He tells her that LLS hates him. She wonders why, and Danny finally says aloud what we are all thinking. “He thinks that I like you.” Nark is astonished and then laughs because she knows what LLS's girlfriend looks like and says that he’d never like a girl like her. Danny just shakes his head.
She has been told that she's plain her entire life, so it's not a stretch for her to think that boys (or men) wouldn't look at her twice.
Danny, the voice of reason in a world of crazy stares and stairs.
 
Cue dramatic music (DM), which sounds familiar like some horror movie music (anyone know what I’m talking about?), which finds us in the office of San Gui. Yong Wen comes in with the accounting books and asks him to review. San Gui refuses, saying that he trusts him since he’s leaving the entire business to him. Our friendly neighborhood sycophant bows low before his father telling him that he’ll never disappoint him. Next thing we know, he is in the back room taking stacks of money out of the safe and tucking them in his shirt. He’s scary in a creepy way, but at least he’s not wearing a sweater under his dress shirt.

He is stuffing those stacks of bills into his suit like a girl inserts adhesive bra cups into a bra.  I guess he wants both sides of his chest to look even since one stack of bills goes in each breast pocket. 
I wonder if that shiny suit is flock-proof, since it's clearly designed for bootlicking.

 

After this, we get a really creepy breakfast where our beautiful and incredibly good Bai Ling is sitting with San Gui serving him food. She immediately starts serving Yong Wen when he comes in, telling him that she prepared some of his favorites. He’s doing his smile adorably act while she piles food in his bowl, and her uncle looks at them benevolently for a bit. Then he tells them that they should get married because she is now 20, he wants grandkids, and she likes Yong Wen, right?  Wow, uncle that was fast. Yong Wen goes to kneel before him to thank him for giving him so many things (how can anyone think this prostration is sincere is beyond me). I remember the first time watching it and feeling like I now feel right before Bambi’s mother dies. This poor girl is being paired up with a thief and a liar.
That kneeling scene between Uncle Flock and Yong Wen totally gave me some bad touch feels. Ew. So creepy.
She seems so Stepford Wifey, doing everything for his comfort. Poor thing, you are totally doomed with that wide-eyed innocence. Grow your own personality and get the heck out, BL!!

Next we see another poor innocent girl, Meena, who apparently has been locked in a room by Hong Kong Phuey because, of course, her dad has failed to pay off a debt. Really, this show is not doing a good job portraying Thai dads at all. (Also, does that actor even look old enough to be that girl's father? I keep thinking he won her in a card game and convinced her to call him Daddy.) When Nanny confronts Hong Kong Phuey about the lady they have locked up, he tells her that he likes her, so be nice to her and treat her well. Umm, Nanny isn’t the person I’m worried about, HKP. He manhandles Meena, so it’s not surprise that when Nanny tries to comfort her, she still cries. Even when she talks to the older woman about the threats, Nanny doesn’t believe that he will hurt her, but who can trust Nanny’s judgment on this? She still sees him as a harmless boy.
I also think we have to address HKP's inability to wink. That double eye wink plus kissy face had me laughing hysterically. Winkageddon and his lack of flock continue to plague his street cred.
Maybe he farted in the first take and they didn't have time for a second.

We get split screens of Nark doing various deliveries and talking into a walkie-talkie and then slamming more money down on table in front of LLS in full 1899 garb (well if she also paired it with a peasant blouse). But she’s in a good mood, so she also brought him delicious egg tarts.  (Here’s a recipe folks http://allrecipes.com/recipe/54600/hong-kong-style-egg-tarts/). He picks up the money, but then looks a bit concerned because there is so much there. This is why she’s in such a good mood; she’s been able to make quite good money with all her jobs. However, he thinks she will not be able to pay on time. Immediately, her expression changes and she asks about her sister and whether they have found her. Of course, he doesn’t tell her about the poop escape; he just tells her that her sister won’t be able to get away. She begs him not to do anything to her sister, but he just says that he’s owed 20 million HK dollars.
He really likes jerking her chain. Little does he know that she already has control over him. She just doesn't know it yet.
 

(I would like everyone to take a moment to admire the quality china this man has.) 

She gets off her knees calling him immoral, but he just asks about her dad. He asks her what should he do, and then asks again more seriously when she looks so upset because she doesn’t have an answer. She gets frustrated when he says that he isn’t going after the dad because he’s no longer useful, but Nan is young and beautiful. She is disgusted by this and calls him bloodsucking mafia. When she leaves, we get nearly a minute with his TS as he eats a tart while thinking back fondly on their conversation. Because that ended so well.

Jongsing has gone to find Mei Jin on set because apparently she hasn’t come to see LLS in a while.
(I was very impressed with how her earrings matched the architecture behind her. The only instance where those tassel monstrosities made sense) She tells him that she doesn’t want to see LLS. It’s clearly she is still hurt about the birthday rejection. However, Jongsing is here to give her advice. He knows that she is a person who wants to be loved and admired, but he suggests that she keep her end of the deal so that she can keep her contract with the soap opera and the modeling contracts she has in place. All of these things have been due to LLS’s sponsorship; thus, unless she is will to give that up, she needs to plow through.
In many cases, this character type is blind to her predicament, but  MJ is clearly aware that LLS doesn't give two figs for her or her love. Which makes me feel her sadness and hate LLS for his indifference. His MIB are aware of his interest in Nark, so I'm sure they are aware of his poor treatment of this woman.
 
Jongsing is as comforting as he can be in the circumstances, acknowledging that he knows how hurt she is by LLS’s inability to love her, but he asks her if she isn’t happy still when she’s with him. He also says he knows that just because you love someone it doesn’t mean that person loves you back. POOR JONGSING!! We know you know when you look at her cry like that! Anyway, we proceed to watch her SA cry and Jongsing stand by her side for a full minute (and we don’t even get her TS just some slow violin piano thingy in background). He finally gives her the gift he was supposed to give her last night, and she thanks him for their talk. What is weird here is that the Nark/LLS TS plays for Jongsing.
Another Continuity Fairy mishap? Maybe the sound manager couldn't find the mp4 file buried in the files of all his Metallica albums, so he used the next likely BGM. Perhaps he should have used "That Unnamed Feeling" instead.

Mei Jin clearly takes this conversation to heart because in the next scene, she is waiting for LLS in his office/apartment, and she’s super cheerful, thanking him for the present and telling him that she missed him. He tells her that he’s glad she likes it but that she should thank Jongsing because he is the one who bought it not noticing how disappointed this makes her. Of course, Jongsing walks in on this. LLS still doesn’t get it (or just doesn’t care) because he tells Jongsing how much Mei Jin likes the present he bought for her to Jongsing’s chagrin. It’s like impossible to be a good wingman for this guy. 
He really disgusts me sometimes. And not just because of that razor stubble. 

Because we need to give Danny fans their fix, we have needless scenes of Nark and Danny together on a random street. She’s used his phone to try to call her family again. He asks her why she isn’t mad at her dad and says that her sister must not love her or else why hasn’t she sent someone for her. Nark explains that her sister is fragile and too kind (simple minded and self absorbed) to even kill a mosquito unlike her. He goes back to teasing about LLS and what she’d do if LLS wanted her for a wife rather than her sister. She tells him, again, that it’s impossible for LLS to like a girl like her as we all roll our eyes just like Danny does.

We get another OtRS with Nan and dumb dad which is frankly so boring that I forgot most of it the first time, but really the only things that happened was they got to a new place with an old friend/servant of dad’s. She complains about what he has done to them again. He says he doesn’t want to talk about it again.
Loser Dad. Hashtag: #NextTimeCutThemOffIfYouDontWantToUseThem

What we need to see though is the marriage of Beauty and the Beast. We immediately cut to the wedding of Yong Wen and Bai Ling. She’s sincerely happy while he is doing his “I’m such a good son thing” while San Gui is practically rubbing his hands at the idea of her pumping out grandkids for him.
I hate that automatic assumption that the wife should rev up the factory and open for business the moment the ring is on her finger. Ugh.

The only important thing about this scene—if it is important—is that after LLS tells Mei Jin not to pay attention to  Phuey In (she’s feeling awkward after that night at bar), Hong Kong Phuey taunts LLS and torments Mei Jin about whether or not she wants to be married, too. He tells her again to come to him since she can’t find anyone, and when LLS says he should talk with more respect, Phuey In acts surprised that LLS would care about a “prostitute” which gets him a punch in the face. I think I feel the worst for Puey In's henchmen. Creepy Young Wen finds this amusing.

I have to admit that the second I saw Uncle Flock in a red suit all I could contemplate was how he would be one crazy flocked out Santa Claus at the mall.  Judging from the creepy kneeling scene above, he would totally be into having kids sit in his lap.
It was kind of a pathetic punch. LLS's poor punching skills, or is Hong Kony Puey just not worth any extra effort? At least he publically stood up for MJ, which makes me feel a tiny bit better towards him.
 

LLS has dismissed his driver, Ah Liang, because Mei Jin isn’t going to need a ride home tonight and they are going to dine upstairs. When LLS and Mei Jin are out of sight, Ah Laing gets a phone call. The DM tells us that nothing good is going to happen here, but he is happy to hear from the person on the other line, Chin Fu (who I just found out is actually Tik’s brother in real life, Shuk!)(I first saw him in Wimarn Sai!).

Tun is the middle brother, with a few lakorns of his own, and a travel show with Tik!

Chin Fu wants to meet him, so he goes since he just got off work. However, once he finds out that Chin Fu only called him out so to get him to help ambush LLS, he’s pissed. He won’t even betray LLS for 1 million dollars and says he’ll pretend this conversation never happened. Instead, he gets shot by another one of LLS’s men (the other guy in elevator scene), Ah Seng. Sigh. I liked Ah Liang, and now we know there is a traitor in the ranks.
Boo. I liked him as well. RIP charismatic sunglassed driver.
You knew he was already shipping his boss with this new, strange female creature. Also, great death scene, Ah Liang [hands Blue Dragon Award for Dramatic Demise]
[I'm applauding through my own SA tears.]

They’ve got LLS reading the Wall Street Journal over breakfast the next morning (I do like how everyone reads the paper over breakfast in this show—LLS, San Gui, Carlos). That is what happens when you don't have a cellphone PPL situation...or cellphones at all. Seriously? Where are all the cellphones? When his secretary comes in, he asks about Ah Liang, who, obviously, is late. She tells him his cell phone is off. As she leaves, Jongsing comes in with bad news. Ah Liang is dead. The police found his body along the river (that was quick—who are these mobsters? A good mobster would  have made that body disappear). Jongsing thinks that maybe he got involved with gangs, but Jongsing disagrees and says he thinks that someone must have tried to bribe him and he refused and got shot. He warns LLS that he must be extra careful until they find out what is going on. He even tells LLS that he will be driving him for the foreseeable future because there isn’t anyone else they can trust. Long SA with shaking of head by LLS until we switch scenes.

 

. . . to Puey In eating breakfast reading his tablet (which I’m pretending is online news) (and that's what I look like most breakfasts, without the pretty china), when his long-suffering henchman comes in with important news only to get yelled at for interrupting his breakfast. The news is that Meena’s dad was spotted at the airport boarding a flight back to Thailand. What is with these dads? Of course Puey In is furious because they lost him and his money, but then he gets a gleam in his eye because he remembers Meena upstairs. He rinses his mouth out in preparation to approach her. His henchmen can’t imagine a girl worth giving up 20 million. In the meantime, Meena has finished her breakfast and hidden the fork she requested, saying she couldn’t use chopsticks, so when he comes telling her that her dad has abandoned her and she has to pay off the debt, she is ready with a weapon when he tries to approach her. She tells him, she will stab him, but he doesn’t believe her until he tries to kiss her and . . . she stabs him. He backs off, telling her he’ll leave her for now and goes whining to the Nanny about getting stabbed.
If this guy is supposed to be a scion of  evil, he is doing a terrible job of it. Honestly, how can two (or three if you include our creepy bridegroom) grow up in crime families and be so utterly different from each other? HKP comes off like a drunken frat boy.
 

I added a nice gif of HKP's breakfast dishes just for Trot. Pay no attention to his disco-era, way-too-much-paisley, but-the-vest-is-nice outfit.
This show has the BEST tableware around. Those dishes are beautiful! (Thanks, Shuk)

While Jongsing is driving LLS to work they see Nark riding her bike. She even knocks on his window to say good morning. They turn, and she goes straight. This will be important soon. They are talking about the board meeting being held the next day at ten when LLS gets a phone call for a very important meeting tomorrow at ten. Jongsing has to remind him that he can’t be in two places at one time and though he can take his place at one meeting, LLS will not have a driver, and they can’t trust anyone. There is a good 30 seconds of car SA alternating between full shots of LLS’s face and Jongsing's reflection in the rearview mirror until they get to school, get out, and realize that Nark has beat them to school.

Neener neener neener. Take that, LLS!

Jongsing wants to know how she did it, but LLS wants to know if she can drive.  He’s decided to pick her as his driver because he knows they can trust her, but Jongsing is worried she is too young. LLS says what about the arms deal? However, Nark doesn’t want to do it; she figures out that there must be some danger involved. LLS offers her money, and she negotiates up from 5,000 to 20,000 a day. Episode ends with her admiring her new driver uniform and going to pick up LLS the next day.
I will miss her Newsies hat.
LLS shouldn't be pouty at her negotiations; after all, the money goes towards her father's debt, so he essentially has a free chauffeur. And we already know he likes peeking at her through the rear-view mirror.

Favorite Line:

"In two to three days, your father will be able to make enough money to come pawn you.” Nanny to Meena

"Good morning, Pops. Want a burger?" Danny to Lin Lan Ser

It worked! Pre-commentator word count is 2568! [claps wildly, prepares to flock Trot]

Comments:

I almost feel like we are diving into Harlequin Romance territory. Should we retitle this show The Mafia Principal and his Underage Chauffeur Lover? Hmmm I just had an image of them trying to create a bodice ripper photo of these two. There would be Nark in her cap and LLS with one layer of his suit slipping off his shoulder.

Nope nope nope nope.

Now that Chin Fu has made an appearance, I hope we get more action (and NOT like KMuse's suggestion). I'm ready for some good old gangster punch-fests, and flying no-hit bullets. We have got a bit of interest between our leads, but it's a far cry from the usual overt sizzle. And that will probably not start until Nark is legal.
Which means not ever. The show isn't that long, and I don't think anyone on this writing staff could handle a time jump.