The Heirs - Episode 3 (A SqueeCap? A Heir-raising Experience?)

Shuk: Hi everyone! It’s my turn to recap. I don’t have the turns of phrase that my intrepid chingu-a have, but I will do my best to be entertaining. BTW, the movie theater is the Gaslamp Reading Cinema in San Diego. When they step out and see the Hollywood sign, they are on the corner of North Beachwood Drive and Glen Tower Rd in Los Angeles. That’s 127 miles, but hey! It’s Hollywood! Also, the car is a 2014 Maserati GranCabrio MC in Rosso Trionfale red. And you can lease one for $ 1600/month. Or buy for $ 135,000, your choice. (thanks to Shel for the info!)
kakashi: I have no idea what intrepid means (can one eat it?) but I do know that I would very much like this car. Without the passengers, mind you. I’m Anti-Nose, Pro-Car. Also, this drama is disturbing. I’ll tell you why in a bit... And it is not because of the incredible wormhole travelling abilities of our OTP. Though if this drama turns out to be about aliens, I’ll bet he first to love it to bits.

Episode 3

Shuk: Our angsty Hot Namja with the Cool Heir tells our Bean Princess that he might possibly maybe like her. After a long moment staring at each other, she shrugs it off as movie magic. He tells her why can't it be true? After all, it’s Hollywood.
Kakashi: Drinking game! One shot of soju every time somebody stares at somebody else (this includes staring at objects and staring at oneself in the mirror)! Being the cautious person I am, I already called the hospital to get a bed ready for me.
Shuk: [Calling the nearest Swedish Korean Hangover Soup shop and handing kakashi some B12 vitamins.]
Shuk: As they step outside, he points out the Hollywood sign up on the mountain, and she marvels at it like a tourist. Cool Heir grumbles that she won’t acknowledge his confession in the theater. Or maybe he’s grumbling at his two-tone lips. He offers to drive her to the sign, but she doesn’t want to be a burden. He pouts and walks away.
Kakashi: See, this is where things get a bit disturbing for me. I am watching this and I Do Not Get It. I have absolutely no connection to what these people are feeling and it makes me feel old and unwanted. Oh gawd, the horrorz, maybe I am old?!
Shuk: At his house, he stares at the lonely battered suitcase baking in the California sun as birds chirp nearby. She thanks him again, and gets ready to go, when he grabs it out of her hands and brings it back into the house.
Kakashi: One shot! (he stared). And I get more disturbed: He is so desperate to keep her with him … but why? Why? Why? The only rational explanation I can come up with is this: he is an insane serial stalker and maybe killer. She likes horror movies, he may be her personal horror soon. A perfect match.
Shuk: Cool Heir is not so cool when he reads the fake FB message board, and sees that Baby Heir responded to her post with an offer of rescue. He hides the phone and runs up to his bedroom, telling her to come upstairs for her things. Oh, and he’s taking a shower up there now. Ooh, is it an open concept bathroom???
Kakashi: Nice try, boy. But the Bean Princess is pure. She is not interested in your tools.
Shuk: While upstairs he receives a phone call from Teddy Bear Ahjussi. His father wants him to attend a business meeting and party at the family farm. Wait, the family has a farm? Hey kakashi, do you think they have sheep? Anyway, he is reticent about going; does his brother know?  The secretary says it doesn’t matter, since the Chairman wants him there.
Kakashi: They don’t strike me as the sheep having kind, Shuk. Chaebols and sheep … not a good match. Though I do see Kim Tan with sheep. He could bury his head in their soft wool. They would sooth him and make him feel loved. He needs that.
Shuk: Another crappy Krystal scene; she aeygos all over Baby Heir’s Appa, and whines about his attachment to Eun-chang. Teddy Bear looks like he’s heard it all before. Upstairs in the production room, several fawning girls are in the presence of our friendly vomiting chaebol. Stringy Hair chases them out and starts digging into the offerings. The only I learn from this entire exchange is that he chomps down pills instead of food, and he has been hiding his broadcasting job from his grandfather for three years.
Kakashi: Krystal is crappiness personified. She is a Heir that should be cut. But in a weird, strangely disturbing way, I am looking forward to her scenes now. It can become a ritual: waiting for the most terrible scene in each episode, which are always hers. As for Stringy, Grey, or Dying Heir, the jury is still out what’s going on with him. He might be bulimic with ulcers, just disturbed with ulcers, a drug addict (with or without ulcers), or he might have a terminal disease, which he is keeping from everybody, and is dying a slow, agonizing death. I am hoping it is the latter. For the story’s sake, mind you, not because I don’t like him. 
Shuk: Back at the SeGa house, Kim Tan is wearing skinny pants with side buckles and a brilliant white shirt. All Beany can focus on is the overnight bag in his hand. Pabo Princess. He commands her not to run off while he’s away. Then, Spicolli Clone shows up and gets all smarmy with her, so Tan Heir takes her with him on a nice long drive along the Pacific Coast Highway. But she hesitates feeling the wind on her hand, and he notices. Is she already pulling away?
Kakashi: Ah, so MUCH symbolism… And so much staring!!! *hicks* But first, a word on Crazy Surfer Dude. I am, in a strangely disturbing way, glad that he did not die of Bean Powder Poison. And I am glad he serves such a great purpose … make Nose Guy take the Bean Princess with him. She is, once again, riding on his/in his “car” … but already, the initial pleasures of riding are being overshadowed by her reality: poverty. And the pure-poor cannot just enjoy such rides in and on cars, because … just because.
Shuk: KiMistress talks to her sister about her limbo state. Her low-grade sibling recommends to take pictures to prove adultery and force Wifey 2 to get a divorce. She thinks this is a good idea, and sneaks off to the wine cellar for some clandestine phone calls. All overheard by Bean Queen, who is quick to offer advice on how not to be caught, lol. KiMistress swears her to secrecy.
Kakashi: Crazy Mom is about the only thing I find remotely funny in this drama. Though I am very, very glad I do not have a mother like that. Oh, I also like Teddy Bear Ahjussi (Baby Heir’s dad). I could ship those two together. Yes, I will do that.
Shuk: Our red rocket pair reaches their destination – Harmony California, estimated population 33, and a large almond orchard. Ah, so there’s the source of the almond reference in the previous episode. He tells her to wait, since he doesn’t know if he’ll be kicked out immediately or if he will stay awhile.
Kakashi: More symbolism. The almond, a relative of the peach, is a symbol for things that do not become soft and plump, but harden (i.e. stiffen). It is associated with fertility and the forbidden pleasures of love. Because almonds are harvested in the fall, they are a reminder that there is a time and rhythm at play within our life that cannot be rushed. In short: This is, once again, all about secret longing and really wanting sex.
Shuk: As “When You’re Smiling” sung by The Left Cuties plays, GumiHeir is chatting with guests at the soiree, as Fussy Heir cautiously enters the arena. As soon as Hyung sees him, the temperature drops like a stone, and he leaves the party, verbally yanking Cool Heir with him.
Kakashi: Sex Heir is a delicious jerk. Though I do not get the animosity. Mommy issues? Most of the time that is the perfect explanation for things-gone-wrong in KDramas. And Harmony? Not much harmony in Harmony, sorry. 
Shuk: Bean Princess is fondling almonds when the two arrive in the orchard. She overhears the convo. GumiHeir rebuffs all his dongsaeng’s attempts at friendly conversation, instead shutting him down with condescension and coldness.
Kakashi: See? Fondling almonds. Told you so. Sex.
Shuk: After Kim Won leaves, the pair are doused with a sun shower of sprinklers, and she hesitantly asks him if he’s okay. He’s not okay. Poor puppy is smarting from the smackdown, and wonders why she didn’t rescue him.
Kakashi: Sprinklers … tears … ladila… we get it. But poor puppy … he went to his master, excitedly wagging his little tail, but master just kicked him aside. Now puppy is sad. And wet.
Shuk: The drive back is top up and lips zipped. Beany gazes at him; he tells her to forget what she saw and heard. Her reply? This is all a dream anyway. He stares at her a little too long, and too late sees the fallen rocks on the road. He zigs when he should have zagged, since the other lane was nice and clear, and ends up in a pile of sand. I hope they didn’t scratch the Maserati.
Kakashi: All that staring … I had to down at least 3 one shots! What a perfect drama for closet-alcoholics. Plus, now we enter interesting territory. His “car” broke down. We all know what that means … Though I am glad he didn’t also hit his nose when doing his full-break stop. 
Shuk: It’s stuck (and why does it have New Jersey dealer’s plates?), and even with her pushing, it’s stuck and leaking fluids. So they go for a nice walk. Beany envisions all sorts of Deliverance scenarios, much to Cool Heir’s amusement, but he stops smiling when she would rather ask her friend for money to get to Seoul. Eventually they reach a No-Tell Motel, with a promise of tow tomorrow. And a personal gripe: are all Americans thought to be fat and greasy?
Kakashi: Yes, she was giving him a hand … but unfortunately, they couldn’t get over the hump. I guess things were a little too try down there … But I really loved the scenes with the setting sun and the desert and wouldn’t have minded to see more of the dusky landscape (without any people in it). And no, Shuk, not all American are fat and greasy. Remember Surfer Dude? Or Big Bosom Bimbo? There we go. 
Shuk: He picks up a couple of matching T-shirts and wastes no time stripping off his shirt. She whirls around, and I yell “Use the mirror! Use the mirror!” She doesn’t, sadly, but wishes she had. They head out for food, and she gets a little flirty. He spends most of his time staring at her, and it suddenly hits me that part of her appeal is (1) she’s happy to be in his presence; and (2) she’s doesn’t treat him like a scary rich person.
Kakashi: Is she happy? Of course, the drama wants us to believe that she also has growing feelings for him, but seriously ………… why. Why? Why? Because he is so depressed? Do girls like that? The second point I agree with though. That’s the normal KDrama trope: jerky rich guy gets treated like a normal person by hardworking-poor-pure girl (who doesn’t care about her appearance) and that is enough for him to fall madly in love with her. Poor guys. I do note again though, with appreciation! That Lee Min-ho has worked out quite a bit. He has man boobs. I think I like.
Shuk: Bean Princess warns him that she’ll ask uncomfortable questions if he doesn’t stop watching her. He reacts by listing the questions she would most likely ask. One question: “Who were you meeting at the farm?” he answers “The person I like most in the world.” Aww, I like him too, puppy, especially stretched out on my bed with a little silk scarf action…….hmm.
Kakashi: What is it with the many gay-jokes and allusions? I think we are being prepared for some gay-action later … question is: who will be on whom? (starts shipping hard just in case). 

Shuk: She’s thinking the same thing, and probably wondering if he has personal experience with “Personal Taste”. He tells her not to think such thoughts about his brother, then catches her when she is startled and teetering off her barstool. And….dip!
Kakashi: Blood is flooding back into certain extremities. 
Shuk: He teases her blushes; she tells him she’s mad because she hasn’t had American pancakes. He mentions his favorite place on Melrose Ave and promises to take her there. She takes a good, hard look at the sausage on her fork, without taking a good look at the hard sausage sitting next to her.
Kakashi: You get it, Shuk. This is such a suggestive drama! You just need to read the signs. Look out for long, hard objects and/or wet, soft objects, plus for long hard objects together with wet soft objects.

Shuk: He takes the bed (probably because the sheet matches his bottom lip) and she takes the couch, but he still wants to talk. She pretends to sleep, but he knows she is a Fakey McFakerson. He finally goads her up and asks a question that’s been on the back of his mind – Why does she want Jejuk Empire to fail? She realizes she’s been reading her posts, and tells him it’s none of  his business. Realizing he won’t get an answer, he demands that she stay awake until he falls asleep, and to not do anything to his body…
Kakashi: With the blood going to his “nose” he is probably hoping for her to be less pure than she is, but, alas, she isn’t at all interest in him. I guess that is also true for RL, because the chemistry between these two is deep into BFF zone. I'm sure he'd be a great dude to hang out with. Just like this:
Shuk: Cool Heir uses sleep deprivation like truth serum, and starts asking Beany questions. She sleepily admits that she plans to return to Korea as soon as possible. He starts to ask another question: “What if I…?” He looks back over to her and sees her nodding off; he catches her before she hits her head on the armrest, and gently rearranges her and tucks her in. He doesn’t touch her hair, but spends a long time just looking at her with a little half-smile.
Kakashi: I’m downing one after the other. He Who Stares Does not Frown.
Shuk: After spending the night alone, Temperamental Heir came up with the perfect plan. She sends Cool Heir’s addy to Beany’s friend, and it just so happens that he arrives just when the couple pulls up. Pink Lips instantly turns green at the effusive greeting his squeeze gives to her friend. He walks off to his house, and Baby Heir wonders about the situation.
Kakashi: I have another painful experience of not being able to connect to what is going on. But I am glad to see Baby Heir. He is so cute, I want to lick him like a sugar cone.

Shuk: She gets ready to leave with her friend, and Kim Tam tries a final time to keep her there, until her flight leaves. Baby Heir recognizes the younger son of Jejuk Empire, but plays it close to his vest. In any case, the taxi has arrived, and Eun-sang gives him a final thank you and goodbye, with a tiny glance back. Poor guy is left alone. Again.
Kakashi: So … he is notorious, huh. I think he used to be a Bad Heir before he became Boring-Pensive-Limp Heir. I wish he would become Bad Heir again, because Boring-Depressed-Hurt etc. Heir is just boring and depressing me. It’s either him or me that needs Prozac. 
Shuk: Chan-young has a modest apartment. After exiting the taxi, she asks him about her benefactor. He’s cagey, and says little except he knew the name, and he isn’t a nice guy. Inside the house, she finally unloads everything that happened with her sister, and he promises to help her. But first, food! Hanging out at Universal Studio’s Citywalk, they do a cutesy selfie with giant lollipops, which he immediately posts it onto his FakeBook page. And, sure enough, his girlfriend immediately calls and shrieks. Beany looks around and sees a tourist t-shirt and wonders how her mysterious house guy is doing.
Kakashi: The “I post, she calls”-thing was pretty funny. Though I’m absolutely sure he is the only person in the whole wide world that thinks of that reaction as cute.  
Shuk: We see him sitting by his pool alone, eating a sandwich alone, and griping about that selfie alone. Thank god Spicolli is probably passed out somewhere. He ends up jumping on his bed, and thinking about the anniversary of his engagement tomorrow ... and Cool Heir does a surprise meet up with Temperamental Heir as she gets ready to head back to Korea. She pushes everything back a day.
Kakashi: It is interesting that she seems to have (some) feelings for him, while he just has a very weak sense of obligation. Still, this engagement will bite him in the ass later. It is stumbling block No 4563 on the path to happiness with Bean Princess. 
Shuk: Wifey 2 meets up with Temperamental Queen (Rachel’s mom), ostensibly to tell her of her impending nuptials with Slicked Back Heir’s dad, and also to probe why their kids don’t like each other anymore.
Kakashi: Too much plastic surgery. I am growing increasingly allergic to PS faces (and get rashes all over). Not good when watching KDrama. Skip.

Shuk: Slick Heir and Thick Heir are at Thick’s house. Thick is a clumsy photographer, and Slick looks at a picture of a young him arm in arm with a young Tan. While there, he receives a call that that takes the merriment right out of him. It’s his dad, who apparently likes to pummel him in the guise of martial arts, to teach him to life lessons. This just proves bullying is a learned behavior.
Kakashi: Hahaha, so this guy has DADDY issues, which is a welcome change to MOMMY issues, though I feel a great need to torture this “daddy” with red-hot iron or something similar. What an absolute dick. Feeling good when you win over your son?! 
Shuk: Temper and Cool are strolling along, and she’s content to shop. Until he tells her that he’d rather do this than date. She prissily asks what happened to that girl? He doesn’t change expression when he tells her everything went according to her plan, since she contacted Eun-sang’s friend. While digesting the information, she receives a phone call from Slick. Apparently, he is supposed to pick her up from Incheon, and he orders her to come in by herself. Then he strips…yesssssss. Let’s pause and rewind, shall we? And slip those pants just a tiny bit lower…
Kakashi: STOP! These are (supposed) high-schoolers. It is NOT OKAY to lust after high-schoolers unless you are a high-schooler yourself. It’s the jailbait trap, but much trickier this time, because we all know these kids are NOT high-school age (FAR from it), but they still pretend to BE high-school kids, so it is still NOT OKAY to lust. Do not lust. The end. 
Shuk: After the phone call, Temper wants to eat at his favorite restaurant. He balks, saying he thinks Fate would put that woman there at the same time. And, of course, she insists on going to the Melrose Ave pancake place. And, of course, Beany is there happily chatting with Baby. And, of course, Temper claims conspiracy, steps in, and mucks it all up. She proceeds to make everyone uncomfortable and upset, until Kim Tan yanks her out of her chair and drags her out. Bean Princess pulls herself together, and tells him they should eat before she picks up her plane ticket.
Kakashi: Sigh. Why. Why. Why does she have to be the usual bitchy, über-jealous, stupid Cliché of a girl? Why, why, why, oh female writers in Korea, can we not have NORMAL female people as second lead? You know, people with some complexity and depth. People that may react differently than 45234209808 characters before them? Plus, Rachel has really bad Heir Hair.  
Shuk: Cool dresses down Temperamental: He used to admire her for her maturity, but her babyish and mean antics have diminished her. He promises to pick her up at the hotel and drive her to the airport tomorrow. It gives her something to think about, until she bumps into GumiHeir at her hotel. They are on friendly terms, and she asks to tag along with him rather than retreat to her empty hotel room.
kakashi: I think they are on more than friendly terms. Good Heir reminded her that she had a thing for his brother. I don't think that thing is entirely over... 
Shuk: Kim Won takes her to his mother’s grave. His mom was an American country girl who found it hard living in a chaebol household in Korea. I guess she should have watched “Goddess of Marriage”. There is still a wine in their cellar that she vinted the year he was born. He receives a phone call from Secretary Yoon regarding his schedule.
kakashi: Didn't I tell you? Mommy issues. Big time. But why his mommy issues make him hate his half-brother so much? We will see. 
Shuk: Teddy Bear Ahjussi Yoon is in Seoul, still talking to GumiHeir when his elevator is invaded by Hotel King and his fiancée Temperamental Queen. Yoon is startled by her; uh-oh, I’m sensing an undercurrent. Is he Rachel’s real daddy? Why not a few more birth secrets?
kakashi: Yuk, Plastic Surgery Witch, go away! Leave my Teddy Bear Ahjussi alone!!! 

Shuk: Cool Heir calls TB Ahjussi, and finally realizes that Baby Heir, Beany’s friend, is surnamed Yoon. I think we should all link arms (Gumi to my right, Baby to my left) and sing “It’s A Small World After All.” Anyway, he quickly calls Baby back and demands he put Beany on the phone, but Baby snidely tells him she’s not there. CoolHeir doesn’t want to relay a message, but wants to hear from her directly. After they hang up, she meets up with Chan-young. He tells her about the phone call, but she refuses to call Kim Tan back. Poor Cool is left sitting by his fabulous pool (and why not shirtless? WAE??) tapping his phone.
kakashi: The One Who Wants To Wear The Shirt, Bear The Shirt. 
Shuk: We see a short montage of Eun-sang’s farewells: A message left on the college pinboard, and Cool smiling at a set of animal socks she left as payment for the use of his bedroom.
kakashi: Rejoice! This can only mean we're all going to return to Korea soon! 
Shuk: The next morning, Rachel is surprised to see her reluctant groom waiting in the hotel lobby. She looks at him, but his behavior reassuringly hasn’t changed after his verbal thrashing. At the airport, she hugs him, both liking and hating him. He doesn’t return the skinship, but this is what Bean Princess sees as she enters the vestibule. She turns before making eye contact, but Cool Heir catches her out of the corner of his eye and yells at her to freeze.
kakashi: Way to impress your already super-pissy fiancée! Well done, dude! Well done! 


Shuk: So they keep meeting again and again and again, whether they want to or not. I’m surprised the show is pushing our couple together so strongly after only the third episode of a twenty-run series. Still, I’m a sucker for a longing glance and verbal flirting. I’m guessing the angst will start early, once everyone is out of the bizarre realm of America and back in their well-ordered, stratified and structured world.
kakashi: Maybe a little angst will wake me up? Bring it on. Me does not feel you, drama. Do you feel me?
Shuk: The number of characters still astounds me, as well as the interconnectivity. Dad 1 is connected with Mom A who is connected with Dad 3 and works for Dad 2 while Mom B plots to kick out son’s official mother… I couldn’t do this without a chart and a character sheet.
kakashi: huh! You have something like that?! Why don't I?! Who gave it to you?! Give it to me! Geeeeeeeeeve. But would it fit into my modest apartment? Ah, how many more episodes? 

Recapper: Shuk
Commentor: kakashi
Art Work: Shuk/kakashi