Witch's Romance - Episode 1 (A Let's See Whether it's SqueeAbleCap)

At this moment in time, I'm not over the end of Age of Feeling, which was imperfect to the extreme but a SqueeCapper's dream, and I'm somewhat reluctant to start on that episode 4 from Hanbokkers Hell, which isn't a SqueeCapper's dream. So: I want to recap but I don't, if you get what I mean (probably not).
Anyway, JoAnne tweets this today: 
That's mary liking the tweet by the way. She likes most things JoAnne says, until she fully understands what they mean, at which point she is often shocked. But that's not the point here ... the point is, I could go to bed, but I'm not going - I'm recapping this.
JoAnne: I will celebrate my return to health with my profound admiration of this puppy and his kisses and dry hump technique.

Episode 1

A chipper voice - belonging to a radio announcer lady - informs us it's White Day and advises all Korean men not to anger any women. Cut to a woman on a bike with .... WTF is this?! a toy bear behind her? Being pursued by a guy in a ... Santa costume?! Alright, I like this show. She is wearing a school uniform and she is very determined NOT to be caught. She seems the kind of woman that had to fight to stay ahead of everybody else all her life. Well, she has also stolen the bike, it seems. And then ... she almost gets  into an accident, at which point the drama is paused .... and rewinded. 
JoAnne: What the hell is she WEARING? She looks like a reject from Goong, pre-princess in training.
3 hours before the Santa incident, our lady (Uhm Jung-Hwa as Ban Ji-yeon) is getting ready. Ready to ... I'm not sure? She and some dude are dressed in their 20 year old school uniforms. She is very proud that it still fits perfectly when - BANG - a button from the ample-bosom-part flies off into the dude's face. But the dude has a safety pin! Also for his trousers! All is well.
JoAnne: Hahahahah everything fits, it's just that 'the button thread is tired.'
They're there for an exclusive news story for a paper called "Trouble Maker". Ji-yeon's nickname is "witch". Which, in my opinion, is better than "bitch". They're after actor Kim Jung-Do (Jeon No-Min! I heart him!)(me too!), most loved, most handsome, most favorite actor of his time, who is giving a lecture at a high-school ... the school his common-law wife works at. Common-law as in sui juris as in not-really-married. There even seems to be a daughter.
JoAnne: Also as in not the wife he's ACTUALLY married to because there's one of those kicking around, too.
Ohhhhhhhhh, it's Cutie SOOOoooooooooo/Aoki next! And the subs even say "Cutie", omfg. Oh, he calls the begging school-girl Cutie, not she him. (Nope. The writer heard about us and did that on purpose.  Prove me wrong.) Oh well I don't care because I miss all my AoF guys so so so much! I am so happy to see him!!! Hehehe, him and our real protagonist, Yoon Dong-Ha (Park Seo-joon) are at the school to train the girls in self-defense. Cutie gets beaten up and I find it quite hot (Allow me to say here that I watched almost all of the almost unbearable I Summon You Gold not because of VampOppa Yun Jung-hoon but because of Park Seo-joon's storyline. If this drama is over and you want more of Park, do NOT watch ISYG. And if you still do, don't say I didn't warn you).
JoAnne: Goddammit, you know I'm going to. I avoided that show like the plague, too.
The Witch and her photographer colleague make their way into the school compound and onto a roof. They take pictures of the actor meeting with the lady teacher and her kid ... their kid? Oh yes, their kid! He gets the kid to go to the music room with a lackey and then has an argument with her mother. He wants her to leave the country and is annoyed that she is making life "difficult" for him. What a dick.
JoAnne: I was totally convinced she'd turn out to be way off base and we'd have hijinks and troubles because she sucks at her job, not because she's GOOD at it! I like this even better.
On their way off the roof, Witch and the Photographer are caught by a janitor (cameo by Sung Ji-Roo, whom I heart-heart-heart too!), who thinks they were taking perverted pictures from up there. He wants to see their camera, but they flee! Only... all the gates are closed, because of Mr. Actor. Photographer holds the Janitor from behind while Witch climbs the gate, but unfortunately for the photo-guy, Janitor remembers the lesson from the Self-defense guys and ... ouch. 
JoAnne: So what he was thinking was along these lines? Ho humm.... honey, our sex life is so boring, let's spice it up! What to do, what to do.... I know! Let's dress up like school kids, climb up on to the roof of a school building, and take naughty photos of each other!
Cut to Spring Santa. WTF. Spring Santa. Who came up with something like this?! It's poor Dong-ha who is making a fool of himself and is obviously in need of money. I appreciate the variation. We have seen enough poor hard-working candy-girls! 
JoAnne: Candy boy, you come here right now with that all-day sucker. Noona wants a taste. Don't be surprised if I nibble off an edge.
Somewhere near, our witch Ji-yeon is trying to hail a taxi, in vain. At this point, I really, really, really want to see more of Park Seo-joon (me too. Loooooots more of him.), but first, we get to know some office colleagues. There's a really pretty female one (an intern), who wants to investigate only rich heirs as a journalist, and a slightly stupid male one, who - you have guessed it - quite likes her boobs. There's another colleague who has a face like a moon - and there's the chief editor Kwon Hyun-Seob (Joo Jin-Mo). All of their IQs combined probably doesn't equal half of the posts on the blog.
JoAnne: Are there two Joo Jin Mos? There are! 1958 (Joo) and 1974 (Ju.) Also, that girl. I've seen her before.
The Witch is late ... and the editorial meeting is starting. The bike that Spring Santa pushes out in front of the crowd of kids (it's a present!) is just the right vehicle for her! She grabs it and races off - and we're back to the beginning: Spring Santa chasing the Witch through the streets of Seoul. On and on they go, Santa is constantly behind her. That's some stamina!
JoAnne: I am literally sitting here purring. We have no reason to suspect it at the moment, but trust me...later on you will think of that boy and the word stamina and you will BLUSH.  You will also wonder what country Uhm Jung Hwa saved that she can have those freaking Tina Turner-quality legs AND get to make out with that puppy hotness. If she has any brains at all she will wrap those thighs around his cute puppy face and not let him come up for air until he begs.
We're at the newspaper now and the Witch drives the bike straight into the building and into an elevator ...  and makes it to the meeting. It's quite a scoop she has there! And it even seems that Mr. Actor is attempting to become Prime Minister - maybe no longer after this piece is published? She gets as many pages as she wants from the Chief Editor/CEO and then we see why people call her The Witch ... she is a total bitch to everybody! A complete nightmare as a boss!
JoAnne: That riding the bike into the elevator bit was so cool I could imagine Leader Mo doing it. The editor with his 'shekshi' makes me laugh.
Looking much more lady-like in high heels and classy clothes, The Witch is getting ready to write her great article when she hears that Santa is still in the lobby. But not only Santa ... the kids are also there! At least some of them. She brings the bike down and says it was a deal, didn't she give money to the little boy whose bike this is? Oh, but Dong-ha is really angry - he forces her to apologize, in fact several times, because she isn't sorry at all. And then, she tells the kids that Santa isn't real! She even undresses Dong-ha. A little. The look on their faces ...
JoAnne: Well no one really wants to see Santa get buck-naked. I think they were just afraid. Although now I'm picturing the puppy in red boxers with a little tasteful fur trim.... fine I know it's not tasteful but whatever, it's not like I'm going to LEAVE him in them.
Oh, but now, Dong-ha is REALLY angry. He tells her that these are kids from an orphanage. They are here in Seoul for the first time in their lives, to see Santa and to get presents. A very special day for them. And she ruined it all! If they don't have parents, she says, they should know about reality even sooner. Dong-ah, I want to hug him! he is so righteous! says that Santa may not be real - but witches certainly are; he has seen one today.
JoAnne: Do I have to pretend like I care about any of this part? I just want the puppy in her face.
She scoffs at that, of course, but she is called a witch often and it DOES seem to sting - and when she gets back up to their offices, she overhears her colleagues making fun of her, saying that there is no man that could live with her. The Witch will never get married. Her retaliation is swift: she buries them in work. They hate her with a vengeance.
JoAnne: Aww, she does hurt face really well. I'm going to end up caring about more than the sexy parts, aren't I.
kakashi: Maybe not.
Poor Dong-ha is getting scolded by the woman in charge of the orphans - she thought they had been kidnapped! And because all is such a mess, and their little dreams have been brutally destroyed, he doesn't even get any money. Aaaaaaaand he's kicked out of his apartment seconds later because he hasn't paid for the rent in too long. Poooooooor Dong-ha.
JoAnne: I practically hyperventilated here. Since I had no idea going in what the plot was (other than noona/dongsaeng sexy times, which, really... that's all I ever need) my mind IMMEDIATELY went to my favorite thing EVER, forced cohabitation, and I thought I would DIE of happiness. But I was wrong. On both parts.
The Witch is having her own kind of problems ... in the form of a mother who wants her to get married and goes to fortune teller after fortune teller because of it. And we hear that she almost tied the knot, but that the groom disappeared on her. Ji-yeon stares at a picture with a polar bear. She cries a little. And then, she does a total Bridget Jones (the movie) dance-off in her apartment - while the reporter-crew trashes her over drinks and the Intern has an evil idea ...
JoAnne: If we had not seen Song Yi do this, I would have much higher praise for her dancing and general comedic skills. Even so, she's freaking hilarious. 
Dong-ha is on the phone with Cutie Soo!!! talking himself into a rage: it is ALL that woman's fault! As soon as he met her, things started to go down, down, down. (Oh, puppy....please be careful of what you say around Noona this early in the game...if you blow your whole wad right up front what's left for us?) Oh jeez, Cutie is living next door to The Witch, hehe. Me likes. Of course, Dong-ha is moving in with his friend (does he have a name, our Cutie?), who is a rich-man's kid and worries over his father, who keeps changing his will. That's why he has to go and see him often. Yeah ... to make sure he stays IN the will, of course.
JoAnne:  I am ridiculously excited to see what Cutie does with this role since I've only seen him in (mostly) serious parts.
Lol, The Witch has a dream in which she (and her gold fish!) die of loneliness - and Dong-ha is a very skillfree news reporter. He also climbs out of the TV to get in her face and tell her that she's a witch! It's cold, harsh reality. And then, he laughs like a complete loon.
JoAnne: Ok but the climbing out of the tv thing don't do that again, huh?
When she wakes up with a start, her goldfish has really died ... More sad remembering the man that once was and that let her hang before their wedding. JoAnne: Of course it will all turn out to be a huge misunderstanding he just had to go take this picture of a polar bear for her and then he fell off an ice flow and hit his head but a penguin saved him and as soon as he remembers who he is he'll come find her again.
Our witch might be lonely, but she sure is a successful reporter! The scandal paper is out, Mr. Actor as well. But ... huh? What is Cutie doing at the newspaper? Oh ... her subordinates (who knows him? Moonface?) are plotting to use him against The Witch. So the plan is to make her fall in love with him? That'll be easy ... everybody is in love with you, Hyun-min!
JoAnne: Just show her your butt. And if she falls and you guys ever want to, you know, act out a skit or something - offer to be a Japanese Yakuza. I have this crazy feeling it would work on 99 percent of the population.
They're at a company dinner and ... here comes the Cutie-attack. In the form of a drink that The Witch simply refuses. Cutie comes over and her subordinates eagerly offer him a seat at their table. He knows ALL of her articles. Oh dear, stop it with the flattery! Well, I think he is having an effect on The Witch - and who can blame her! - but then, Dong-ah calls because he cannot find the hairdryer. And Cutie invites him to come for free drinks! Cutie is a total ass!
JoAnne: Oh, but what a GLORIOUS ass he hasis.
More flattery from Cutie and a business card, identifying him as a reporter from a very good newspaper. He meets Dong-ha at the bar - and almost immediately the good man gets quite angry at his friend for playing a prank on a single person ... until he sees WHO the person is. He just goes very, very quiet after that and tries to hide his face from her.
JoAnne: I know, I know. It's amazing, isn't it? We are getting to actual hijinkery in episode ONE.
There's a competition at the club: the most romantic couple will get a very good bottle of liquor. Cutie steps up to The Witch and takes her to the stage ... where he says he wants to confess to her. He says she is the woman he has been dreaming of. But that's not enough to get the prize - they need to kiss. He tells her to close her eyes. In her head, she says that this date, 15 March, has been her unlucky day for the last six years. But that might change now ... if she just closed her eyes.
JoAnne: Oh dear.
And as he leans in to kiss her, she indeed DOES close her eyes ... at which point Cutie pulls back and smirks at her. The A$$!!! He starts giggling and then says that she looks like a really old woman from up close - she shouldn't fall too easily for things like this. And he walks off, laughing. Moon-face and some of the other reporters are also laughing. OMG. I feel so bad for her!! In her head, she continues her monologue and says that in her life, 15 March is always a nightmare.
JoAnne: I am torn between equal parts aghast for her pain and stunned by the radical differentness of this character from, well, any other character I've seen him portray.
But what is this?! Dong-ah is walking up to the stage. He grabs her by the shoulders, tells her to stay still and adds that she is such a strange woman - in fact, she is trouble. And then, he kisses her. Is this 15 March really a nightmare? the voice in her head asks, as a lonely tear escapes her eye.
JoAnne: Puppy walks up there like a BOSS. Just saying. And that kiss looked... non-virginal.


Interesting. Well, the story is pretty standard and it feels like we've seen it all before (and I don't mean the original Taiwanese drama, because I haven't seen that :), the bitchy woman who is aging and is lonely, the hurt feelings as a reason for coldness, the worried mother and the fortune teller ... but then! There's the wonderful Park Seo-joon and his besty, the asshat without a name played by Yoon Hyun-min - and I guess for these two boys alone, this is a must. I am very curious to learn more about Dong-ha's backstory, about why he is so sensitive to public ridicule, and why he has such a good heart that he would go and kiss this woman who got him into a lot of trouble that very same day.
JoAnne: Are we.... (deep breaths) are we going to get... (stay calm) is this going to have bromance AND noona dongsaeng sexy times? I can't. I can't breathe. I cannot breathe. This must be what Mary feels like all day every day anytime anyone mentions Song Jae Rim. How is she not dead?