Fanfiction: Getting Lost on the Roads of Life - Chapter 6 (A KakaSaku Story)

Chapter 6 - Leader of the Pack

Kakashi was having a very pleasant dream.

And because this was entirely new to him, he kept wondering what was going on, expecting either a surprise attack from behind the bushes or suspecting that he must have fallen prey to a very clever genjutsu. This managed to almost spoil the pleasantness, but while a part of him stayed alert and distrustful, the much bigger part gave in completely.

He was human after all, wasn’t he? And from time to time, humans needed to indulge.

His back was resting against a tree and he was stroking Sakura’s pink hair, but only very lightly so as to not wake her. She was cuddled up against his chest and when she exhaled, the burst of air coming from her mouth moved her fringe up a little, affording him glimpses of her beautiful face. Pakkun, an askance crown of flowers on his pudgy head, was slumbering happily in her arms, snoring like only dogs could snore, his front paws twitching erratically from time to time.

How Kakashi longed to kiss her as he watched the fringe move and observed the slight movements of her lips every time she drew a new breath.

It was quite the dilemma, because as much as he wanted to press his lips against hers, he also did not want to wake her. She had worked very hard with hardly any rest in the last few days, she deserved to sleep for many more hours.

The longing grew stronger though. He was normally relaxed and balanced, seldomly roused to extreme actions. But that also meant that once his emotions were stirred, he did not know how to temper himself.

He knew her lips were soft but demanding, capable of lighting a fire in him that took awhile to extinguish. She was always shy when they met again after some time but only until he managed to enrage her. He was glad that was easy, because he liked her feisty, slightly violent side by far the most. But even more than to touch his lips against hers, he liked to touch them against the velvet skin of her glorious body, liked to inhale that special scent of hers that made him think of a forest of pine trees after a sudden downpour in the midst of summer as he let his lips and tongue travel. If he had to choose, his favorite part was probably that cute little belly button where he…

“Are we having a pleasant dream?” a deep voice asked.

What the… “Pakkun?” Kakashi groaned, opening his eyes wide and lifting his head.

It was only just getting light outside, a gloomy sort of greyness indicating the day was not quite ready to start yet. He realized he was in Sakura’s apartment, on Sakura’s sofa, with Sakura’s head on his thigh. Well, Sakura and Sasuke’s apartment and Sakura and Sasuke’s sofa to be precise - and he had just had the kind of dream no man should have about a wife not his own.

Pakkun sat on the fauteuil near the bookshelf and yawned extensively, showing his formidable teeth.

“Pakkun,” Kakashi whispered, “what are you doing here?”

“Trying to find out why you are holding that woman like she’s a treasure,” the dog answered and looked at Sakura’s head with suspicion.

“I am not…,” Kakashi pulled away his hand that was resting on Sakura’s hair. After a brief moment of reflection, he put it back. He was talking to a dog. There was absolutely no need to justify any of his actions to a dog.

“He he,” Pakkun chuckled, “you are easier to handle early in the morning, I am making a mental note.”

“State your business,” Kakashi said sharply, thinking that he knew how to summon his ninken, but had no clue how to make them disappear again.

“Huh,” Pakkun remarked loudly, peering at his face, “do you need coffee?”

“Shhh,” Kakashi hissed. “Quiet.”

“You could really be a little nicer to me,” Pakkun began to complain, “you know how hard I had to work to find you? I was running all over Konoha, so exhausting! At first, I went to the Hokage Tower, thinking I would see you there, but only Lady Tsunade was in and she was in a foul mood! She even shouted at me even though I only asked where you where. And she forbid me to see Tonton!”

“Alright, alright,” Kakashi moaned, “Just be quiet!”

Thinking about what had almost happened the night before made his blood boil instantly. Luckily, this apartment had become unlivable for a while thanks to him using Chidori in a closed room. He would have to organize the cleaning crew today. And then find another place for Sakura to stay. A safer place near him so that he could make sure to protect her.

Chidori… Kakashi looked at his hand with a frown. No. He had developed a different technique and it was called Shiden. He had developed it because Chidori was almost unusable without a Sharingan and…

“Damn,” he said under his breath.

“And now you’re even swearing at me, oh woe, oh woe,” Pakkun lamented.

“Pakkun,” Kakashi said, “did I send you on an errand?”

“Yes of course you did!” Pakkun replied wide-eyed. “Why else would I be here, do you think I work for fun?”

Kakashi looked at Sakura’s head on his leg. Obviously, she was completely exhausted or else, she would already have woken up with all the ruckus the dog was causing. Very gently, he lifted her head and moved away to the side to stand up, slipping a pillow underneath her head in the process.

“Come to the kitchen with me,” he told Pakkun.

“I would prefer to leave soon, do you know how thick the blood smell is in here? It’s making me rather… edgy.”

“A dog with your intelligence should be able to control his baser instincts, shouldn't he?” Kakashi said and walked to the kitchen. He felt surprisingly good, considering what had happened the night before and there was no pain in his body, not something he could often boast.

For all his complaining, Pakkun followed him very obediently and climbed on the chair as soon as Kakashi had closed the door behind them. It still smelled of sake and udon soup in here and with a pang of regret after checking the softly ticking clock, Kakashi realized that only very few hours had passed since he had set foot in this apartment for the first time.

His regret came from the fact that it was unlikely he would be able to stay for many more. Great, he scolded himself as he tried to decide whether to go through the trouble of making coffee or not, did you think you could move in with her for good?

Pakkun was looking in his direction expectantly with his tongue hanging out.

“Do you want some pork belly?” Kakashi asked to buy himself some more time. It was damn early in the morning, his head wasn’t functioning properly. He never got up before 9am if he didn’t have to and it was only just passed 7am at the moment. If Tsunade was already at the Hokage Tower, this could only mean she had stayed up the whole night dealing with this mess they were in.

He would definitely delay going to see her for a few more hours. Because he suspected that a very large part of this mess had to do with him.

Kakashi opened the fridge and took out the pan with the rest of the udon soup, fishing out the pieces of pork belly left in it with a fork.

“Here,” he said, holding it in front of Pakkun’s snout, “for your troubles.”

Pakkun devoured everything within seconds, but a look of suspicion came over his pug face as he was swallowing down the last piece.

“Why are you so nice to me?”

“Pakkun,” Kakashi sighed and leaned back on the stove, “I have a problem.”

“The woman who uses my shampoo?” Pakkun asked eagerly.

Kakashi snorted. Yeah, right. It was exactly what he needed, a judgmental dog this early in the morning.

“I don’t remember.”

“Huh?” Pakkun asked, “what did you do to her?”

“Will you shut up!” Kakashi exclaimed. “It has nothing to do with her,” well… that was only partially true, but it was not what his biggest worry was right now. “I do not remember. I don’t remember anything I did after… Not sure when, but I don’t remember losing my sharingan.”

Pakkun made a worried face.

“Which is not entirely true, I do remember things,” Kakashi looked at his hand again, “and my body remembers things. I developed a new technique, didn’t I? It’s very effective and powerful.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Pakkun said, “several techniques. You were completely obsessed with it after losing the sharingan. You were unbearable for a long time but luckily, stayed on the training grounds for most of the time. You’re much nicer today so I am thinking...”

“What errand did I send you on?” Kakashi interrupted the dog’s musing.

“To find Sasuke, of course,” the pug replied immediately.

Kakashi stiffened. “Shit,” he said.

“Yes, it was a very hard task,” Pakkun nodded gravely.

So he had not dreamt it, Kakashi realized. He had remembered something while falling asleep and that was being held prisoner by people wearing Oni masks, just like the long extinct Prajñā Group from the Land of Woods had used to wear. But why had he told them that Sasuke had returned to Konoha when that was clearly a lie?

Well, maybe it was the whole point that he had lied, wasn’t it.

Kakashi sighed. He had to go see Tsunade. She should be able to fill in some of the blanks. At least he now had an inkling of what they were.

“... but now that I found him, I can go on holidays for a while, right?” Pakkun said.

“What?” Kakashi asked sharply.

“I found him. Obviously. That’s why I was looking for you. That’s why I’m here,” Pakkun said, sounding offended.

“Where?”

“He’s headed to Konoha as we speak.”

“Did I tell you why you had to find him?” Kakashi asked.

“No!” Pakkun exclaimed, “of course not! You never do. You just bark commands at me in a very unfriendly manner.”

Oh well. Kakashi put his hands into his pockets and looked up at the ceiling. He would have preferred to be better prepared for this, but it wasn’t like he had never had to deal with uncertainty in his life.

“Do you drink coffee?” he asked the dog and began rummaging through the cupboards for the necessary utensils.

“I prefer tea,” Pakkun said, “but since I am sure this is the first and last time you’re this nice to me, I’ll take a cup of the other stuff.”

“How are the others?” Kakashi thought it polite to ask. “How’s Bull doing?”

The largest of his ninken had always been his problem child. Never able to develop the ability to speak like the others, he was by far the most clingy of the pack and he had always looked at him with his large, sad eyes in the most heart wrenching way when he had to leave him.

“Frankly,” Pakkun replied, “he’s been eating too much. He’s very unfit. You should summon him more often. Or just take him on a walk with you, I think he’d like that - he’s so much like a normal dog. Maybe next time you go on a walk with that woman who uses my shampoo.”

Which would be never, Kakashi thought sullenly. Enough was enough. He could deal with untoward dreams, but it should be a warning.

“It’s that other woman,” Pakkung continued speaking, “Anko Mitarashi who has been feeding him too much.”

Huh.

“Is she… is she watching the pack when I’m not around?” Kakashi asked rather surprised and reminded of his earlier conversation with Sakura.

“No!” Pakkun exclaimed, “just how muddle-headed are you? But Bull took a liking to her many years ago and likes to hang out at her place because there is so much food!”

Kakashi sighed again. It really looked like he had some catching up to do. But first, he needed coffee. Lots and lots of coffee.

***

Sakura expected to open her eyes and find Kakashi gone, that’s why she did not open her eyes for a very long time even though it seemed she heard somebody else in the room. When she could no longer pretend that this behavior would change anything about the situation, she opened her eyes after all.

There he sat. In an armchair to the left, one leg up, his chin resting on his knee, reading.

Not an Icha Icha book. But one she had written two years ago about the mental health needs of traumatized children.

She wanted to squeal from excitement and mortification at the same time, spring up and rip the book out of his hands and hide it in a secret drawer, but she lay very still instead and watched him through slitted eyes.

He wasn’t gone. He was very much here, in his black outfit that was something between a track suit and a pijama, hair restored to its normal messy state. He was here - when she knew for certain he should go and report to Lady Tsunade about what had happened the night before.

What had happened the night before? Foreign ninja had invaded Konoha even though that should not be possible. Two had died in her bedroom. They had been looking for Sasuke. Why? And was that their sole purpose?

But, if Kakashi was still here, the immediate crisis was over, she concluded, though she was quite certain this only applied to the short-term.

He seemed thoroughly engrossed in what he was reading, his eyes glued to the pages with utmost concentration - but he had always had the ability to read in all kinds of situations. Like when he was fighting off stupid little genin squirts who were thinking they stood a chance against a jonin like him.

Did he think what she had written was good? Sakura had always been unsure about that book or rather, knew a thousand things that she could have done better. It had been Ino who had forced her to finally publish it. To ensure she would be promoted and as a preparation for their grand idea… to open a mental health clinic just for children. Ah… the idea was so good, but somehow, they had gotten stuck, Sakura thought ruefully. She blamed the amount of work that had flooded her life like a tsunami. And Ino… Ino was blissfully happy in love with Sai, oblivious to the rest of the world. Sometimes, Sakura selfishly hoped that phase would end soon, but she felt guilty about it when she did. Wasn’t it ironic? She had married Sasuke, everybody’s crush back at the academy, the guy who had almost been able to end her and Ino’s friendship. But she wasn’t happy at all - whereas Ino was the happiest anybody could be.

“How are you feeling?” Kakashi asked and she almost squealed from surprise. His dark eyes were resting on her, not the book anymore, his gaze making her blush. Could that stop already? He closed to book and bent forward.

“I made coffee, do you want some?”

“Y… yes,” she stammered, scrambling into a sitting position. Could that stop too?

Kakashi got up smoothly and went to the kitchen, returning with a mug full of steaming coffee quickly.

“Thank you,” she said when he presented it to her.

“It’s your coffee I used,” he smiled, “no need to thank me for it.”

She stared at his face over the rim of the cup, feeling… like she had to address why she was blushing and stuttering in his presence because it was only getting worse. Soon, she would be entirely tongue-tied and red like a tomato.

“Sakura,” he sighed.

“Yes!” she exclaimed, “I fully understand that you need to leave now, you stayed as long as you possibly could. Tsunade is certainly most anxious to see you and…”

“Undoubtedly,” he interrupted her with a small frown. “She can wait a little longer.”

Sakura gasped, but of course. Kakashi made people wait, even the Hokage. Because he could. Because he was so important, people had no other choice but wait for him.

“Sakura,” he began again, “we have to talk.”

She nodded, feeling how her heart picked up speed. She would be entirely truthful, she told herself, there was no use in lying to someone as perceptive as him. She was a pragmatic person, most of the time, not prone to silly illusions… most of the time. Hm. Was that true? She had held out for Sasuke for so many years, even after he had tried to kill her. Maybe she was the queen of silly illusions, she thought with a sinking feeling. What good would it do to tell her former Sensei she was developing a massive crush on him?

Kakashi. She tried it out in her head. Kakashi. It should be okay if she just swallowed the Sensei before it came over her lips.

“Last night,” he began, but somehow, he seemed to lose track of what he had wanted to say, his frown deepening.

“Don’t worry about it,” she said quickly, thinking he must be embarrassed for her about what had almost happened.

“But I have to worry,” he said and sat down on the floor in front of her, “it is my job.”

She nodded again, not sure what else to do. Looking down on his upturned face was not something she was used to do and it managed to confuse her even more.

“Okay,” he began again, “let me be frank.”

Good. Frank was good, she thought.

“You are in danger,” he said. Then he took a deep breath. “Because of me. Apologizing to you will not change anything about this, so let’s just fix it. First, you will have to move after S…”

“What?” she burst out.

“We will make sure you’re in a safe location where we can guard you well.”

“But…”

“You will not be given a choice,” Kakashi said, “this is a matter that concerns the security of Konoha.”

Okay, now she was getting angry.

“Not given a choice? Who the heck do you think you are?” she yelled at him. “You cannot just come sweeping in and uproot my entire…”

“Sakura,” he interrupted, lifting his hand, “I am not done speaking yet.”

“I don’t care!” she shouted. “You know what I hate the most? Guys who do not talk and just assume they can do whatever they want and get away with it every-single-time! You at least owe me an…”

“Explanation? Yes, I was going to give it to you. At least as far as I can.”

Sakura wasn’t sure what was more irritating, his signature calmness or the fact that her outburst was completely irrational and stupid on top.

“I’m listening,” she said gruffly.

“Good,” he said and… smiled. Why the heck did he have to smile at her like this, as if he thought her emotional imbalance was cute?

“We have been trying to locate this particular cell of enemies for more than three years,” he began without further ado, “after Sasuke told us about them.”

She was certainly listening now.

“He could not tell you anything about his missions, because they are top secret S-rank,” Kakashi explained, maybe interpreting her expression as quiet hurt about her husband’s absence and secrecy. Yes, she was hurt, but that was of no consequence right now.

“And you can?” she snapped.

“I am breaking protocol,” Kakashi replied smoothly.

“What are they going to…”

“Don’t worry,” he smiled, “I will be able to deal with the consequences. My position comes with certain benefits.”

What position is that? She wanted to ask, but bit her tongue. If he was revealing classified information to her, he could be severely punished, that much she knew.

“What do they want?” she asked instead, though she already suspected what the answer would be.

“The Uchiha’s kekkei genkai, as you must have guessed,” the answer came.

Indeed, it was no surprise. In the history of their lands, there had been so many atrocities committed because of these bloodline traits. People with special genetic abilities had always been used and abused in times of war and suppressed and feared when there was no need to have fighting machines anymore. To her, the bloodline limits were a curse. Some clans went to extreme length to preserve the secrets of their special abilities, some others…

It suddenly dawned on her why the Anbu man had asked why she was pregnant.

“What would they have done to me if they had found me with child?” she asked bluntly.

Kakashi pressed his lips together.

“Tell me, I can take it.”

“They would have ripped the child out of you,” he said and to his credit, it seemed to pain him to say these words, “and would have taken the embryo to their own labs. Any Uchiha blood they can get is of immense value.”

Nausea swept over her and she had to take a couple of deep breath to calm herself down. Sasuke.. he was still out there, alone, with these kind of people after him?

“It was them who took me prisoner,” Kakashi continued softly, “I remember that much.”

“What did they do to you?” she exclaimed though she already kinda knew. She had read his file, hadn’t she.

“Ah. Well,” he said and smiled again, though it did not manage to fool her in the least, “what you usually do when you get your hands on an elite enemy shinobi, I assume.”

“I wish you would all stop with this,” Sakura murmured disgusted, “can’t we just live in peace?”

He shrugged. Of course he would think this a matter of shrugging, the idiot. How many people she knew would willingly let themselves be captured and tortured just to manipulate a situation for a potential benefit?

“And what have we gained from this stunt of yours?” she challenged him. “You lied to them, didn’t you, to draw them out? Did they put the seals in your mind?”

Kakashi shrugged again, though now she clearly saw the discomfort. “I am not sure. It’s not unlikely.”

Great!

“I won’t touch them!” she hissed, “do you think I’m insane? Who knows what will happen once they’re removed!”

“I understand,” Kakashi nodded, “I’m going to see Tsunade about it. There has to be another way.”

“What about the pills?” Sakura demanded to know before her mind could ponder what those ‘other ways’ might be, “don’t tell me Kohona is doing drug experiments on people. Correction: on you, because most other people would not be stupid enough to agree to something like this.”

“Aren’t you the doctor here?” he asked back.

Was he suggesting she would know about such an unethical thing!? The likes of Orochimaru and Kabuto were the ones doing human experiments, she was certain Tsunade would never agree to something like it!

“Are you not telling me or do you not remember?” she asked sharply.

She looked into his eyes to see the truth, but there was nothing there to read. What did she expect? Kakashi knew how to keep secrets, most expertly his own. Maybe she was being unfair, but only a very naive kind of person would believe he did not know about those pills and everything else, including that seal-tattoo.

“What happened last night?” she asked when he kept silent. “You took those pills and then you went out and slaughtered an entire army of enemy shinobis by yourself with no regard for your own life? Are you suicidal?”

She might have spoken too bluntly, because what she had said did not please him. His eyes narrowed and his body stiffened.

“Careful,” he said and though it was spoken quietly, there was an implied threat that made her gut contract for a second.

And then he got up.

“This conversation is over,” he said, now looking down on her with a hardened expression she hated to see. “You know what you need to know.”

She sprang to her feet too.

“No!” she said forcefully and grabbed the sleeve of his shirt. “And you do not get to decide such things for me, Kakashi. There are many things I need to know that you have no intention of sharing, but I am no pushover. Tell me, will they attack again? Will they seek me out again? Did you tell them that I was pregnant?”

His whole demeanor changed. Guilty. He looked guilty and confused, much more like a child scolded by his mother for stealing cookies than an elite shinobi.

“It’s okay,” she whispered, her heart suddenly contracting in sympathy, “it’s okay if you did.”

“I… I don’t remember,” he replied, looking rather anguished, “I might have. I do not think I would ever wantonly jeopardize your life but…”

She stepped up to him and put her hands around his waist, before she could even realize what she was doing.

“Stop worrying about it,” she said, burying her head against his chest, “it’s okay. I trust you.”

His heartbeat was at her ear and she realized how it picked up speed just as she asked herself with a feeling of sudden panic what the heck am I doing, have I gone insane?

“Sakura,” he said hoarsely, “this is not a good idea.”

But instead of pushing her away, he put his own arms around her and pressed her to his chest. She sighed contently and snuggled even closer. What magic was there in his embrace to make her feel so welcome, so safe? No, this was a very good idea.

Kakashi pressed her to his chest for about seven more seconds. Then, he pushed her back with gentle force so that she hit the sofa with the back of her knees and sat down involuntarily, just as a key was turned in the lock of the apartment door.

“I am sorry, Sakura,” Kakashi said softly and turned around to face her husband who was walking in with a deep frown on his dark, handsome face.

Chapter 7