The Heirs - Episode 20 FINALE ("Heirs Today; Gone Tomorrow")
cherkell: ALRIGHTY PEOPLE!!! ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!? Or at least ready to hammer a nail in the coffin that is “The Heirs?” Here we are at Episode 20 – Finale Time – and not a moment too soon. Let’s get this party started… so we can finish early. I’m old, remember?
Shuk: There's a production error of a boom mike popping down on one of the scenes. If you can find it, have a shot of soju!
JoAnne: Do we all agree that the production team muted Sex Heir out of concern for us? Because if both Woob and Choi Jin Hyuk had been allowed to be their completely swagtastic sexy sexy Sex God selves...we'd be dead.
EPISODE 20 FINAL
cherkell: We have returned to the scene of the rumination, on top of the hotel roof where our two heroes discuss the situation in Pakistan and how it affects the global markets. Oh hell, who am I kidding? All Tannie and Young-do can utter is that it’s cold and dark.
JoAnne: Which made it impossible for me to think of anything but this: Two men are standing on a bridge, peeing into the river. One man says to the other, 'That water sure is cold.' The other nods in agreement and then says with a shiver, 'Deep, too.'
Shuk: They should have retired to a nice warm bright jimjilbang and scrubbed each others' backs.
cherkell: Tan meets with an outside counsel to request help in making Won his legal guardian instead of KiMadam. He doesn’t trust the Jeguk Group lawyers one bit, so he really needs her help. Pretty please with an injunction on top?
JoAnne: Because of course that's how it works. Is this the part where we find out that Won and Wifey#2 have been in cahoots all along? I think that was Myung Soo's mom.
Shuk: How is it that every single living thing on this show has some stock in Jeguk with the glaring exception of one person? Peevil would have been ousted long ago if this many people with this much stock hated him to this extent. [confused]
cherkell: Baby Daddy discusses where the stocks are held with each member of their “family” and what they need to obtain a majority share in order to make KiMadam stand down for now. Wonnie needs to make a concerted effort to swing the undecided shareholders to their side in order to maintain the status quo.
JoAnne: I know how how he can get the women's votes. Probably some of the men's, too.
Shuk: He can get my vote for sure. But he'll have to work hard for it...
cherkell: Yeah, put me down for one too. I should show *some* support somewhere, right?
cherkell: Won, Tan and Baby Daddy wait for the Board of Directors members to arrive… and wait… and wait… until two of the 9 members finally arrive. The ones who are not family members, of course. They pledge their undying loyalty to Peevil, and the boys look relieved.
JoAnne: So are these the only good guys because they are loyal, or are they the worst of the bad guys, for being loyal to that enormous-headed son of a bitch on wheels?
cherkell: In her Dungeon Lair, KiMadam is addressing the Board members who are mostly family and turncoats against Peevil by promising them a huge piece of the pie if their shareholder votes are in favor of her assuming control of Jeguk. KiMadam especially sucks up to Tempie’s mom, but KiMadam gets temporarily shot down by her non-committal to any side.
JoAnne: She might persuade me to her side, but only if I can remove her voice box and cut off that stringy pony-tail.
Shuk: TempieMom is playing it cool, for sure.
cherkell: Beany just finds out from Baby Heir that Peevil is in a coma, and that Tan is not by his side like a good illegitimate son should be. Instead, he’s off to foreign lands with Baby Daddy to suck up to the international shareholders in order to tip the balance toward the Peevil Side.
JoAnne: He couldn't make a PHONE CALL?
Shuk: Well, he's no GumiHeir but he might catch a few flies with honey...
cherkell: On the thinly-veiled Singapore Airlines flight, Won and BabyDad discuss what needs to happen in order for them to win the war. Won still doesn't understand how Peevil could handle such business machinations for 20-odd years… but he knows what he has to do now.
JoAnne: It helps if you don't have a soul.
cherkell: Beany opens a present from Tan in his absence – it’s one of those goofy-looking stuffed owls that we see thrown all over Thick Heir’s studio. (I guess they couldn’t afford the licensing fees for a pig-rabbit.) The note attached to the creepy gift warns Beany not to cheat on him while he’s away.
JoAnne: It's not creepy! You heat them up and then put your hands inside. (The warm guts are supposed to be very moisturizing...ok, THAT was creepy.)
bcook: I wants!!
cherkell: Young-do and Bad Daddy eat their dinner in stone silence, until BadDad pipes up and says he’s going to be arrested but will turn himself in first in order to mitigate his offenses. He warns Young-do to not trust anyone at the hotel except for the VP in charge. Any other communications need to be filtered through their lawyer. And don’t slack off on that whole dishwashing thing either.
JoAnne: So now they live together?
cherkell: If they did, then Young-do would have to take a shower after dinner. Which I wholeheartedly approve of. Chop-chop!!
cherkell: And we see Young-do watching the news reports of his dad being taken into custody by the Feds, when a cadre of lawyers comes in to give him the scoop. Oh yeah, a message from his dad: Stay in school and don’t do drugs. The end.
JoAnne: No matter who you are that's gotta be horrible to see.
cherkell: Young-do decides to turn a new leaf, and goes to apologize to the kid he mercilessly beat the crap out of in the first few episodes, but the kid is not accepting anything that comes out of Young-do’s mouth and hightails it outta there.
JoAnne: Sure kid, don't forgive. Die of a heart attack in 15 years.
Shuk: I can't blame him too much, but it's gonna fester for sure.
cherkell: Beany texts Tannie with a weather report while watching the news report about BadDad getting hauled in. BabyDad and Tan do a halfway-decent job this time of speaking in English to some foreign shareholders while Beany annoyingly talks over their meetings.
JoAnne: Your sheer joy at this final episode is making you generous.
cherkell: I am nothing but generous around the holidays.
cherkell: Beany wonders why the kids at school are so hell-bent on drawing that damn chalk outline day after day… especially that present day, when Young-do was the one with the spray can in his hands. She asks Tan if he’s ever done that himself.
JoAnne: They're all members of the Early Grave club.
Shuk: Maybe they want to do Jackson Pollock-inspired artwork, only using red. They'll title it "Chaebollllllllllllll [Thump]"
cherkell: Young-do approaches the Secret Garden to peek in on his birth mother again. He stares for a good long time, but she finally looks over but not in time before he ducks behind a brick wall.
JoAnne: So let's interject some reality here: this woman was desperate to get away, so desperate that she couldn't even wait long enough to say goodbye to her only child, who she then never saw again. And all she does is move neighborhoods? Oh Young Do. Rage on, my boy. Rage on.
cherkell: Tan and BabyDad attempt to sweet-talk a Chinese investor on the plane ride, to no avail. They give up and return home to find that Peevil’s brain swelling has gone down a bit. Won wants a debriefing on the trip, and is told that with Tan’s help, they did fairly well in their fight.
JoAnne: I wonder if Peevil will have a personality transplant. bwahahahahahah what am I saying, of course he will.
Shuk: And that will deserve an entire bottle of soju.
cherkell: Tan asks Won how his battle went in Korea while they were away, where he reports the Board of Directors’ resolution was brought up for a vote in the not-too-distant future. And by the way, how about he and Tan move back into Peevil Manor to show their united front?
JoAnne: What do you think? Booze and porn, or popcorn and scary movies?
Shuk: Peeing contests in the snow.
cherkell: Ugly Sweater Contests.
Shuk: We already have a winner on that one!
cherkell: And then they do that very thing, moving back in with two small suitcases between them. Won asks if Tan could meet with Young-do to gain control of BadDad’s shares, but Tan will do that only if Won can promise to not scotch the deal already made with Hotel Zeus.
JoAnne: Boxer briefs don't take up much room, and the Blue Sweater that Ate Cheongdamdong took care of everything else.
cherkell: Beany cleans up the mess at the Mango Six, as Tan arrives and insists on a hug. She tries to debrief Tan on his trip and insists she didn’t cheat on him. Much boring small talk ensues.
JoAnne: Meanwhile in the back room, Young Do is hopping around trying to fit his big feet through the leg of his skinny jeans. He falls against the door and BAM! Tannie knows all.
cherkell: Tan meets with Young-do and tells him that KiMadam initiated the shareholder wars and that IT’S ON. Young-do mutters that mothers always cause trouble, and wants Tan to forgive him for all the grief he’s given Tan about KiMistress. Much more boring small talk ensues.
JoAnne: He also asks Tan for his mom's number and mentions how well she's been holding up, considering. Then he rubs his eyebrow and gives that little smile.
Shuk: Aww, it's nice to know somebody reads my stuff. I need to consider that plot line...
cherkell: Young-do says that when the going gets tough… the tough go downstairs and do the dishes, which he does. BabyDad visits TempieMom and attempts to sweet-talk her enough to get her votes for the Peevil Side. Which she does, with the caveat that this will be the last interaction they have between them.
JoAnne: As strangers. She then flips him over onto his back on her desk and hops aboard. Baby Daddy's hair wings flap in the breeze the reunited lovers make.
bcook: whoopie? *nods knowingly* that's what they told us in sex-ed. two people do whoopie when they're inlove lust.
Shuk: Shakespeare was pretty colorful about it. Read Othello.
cherkell: Won visits with the Rich Girl in order to get her dad’s shares on the Peevil Side as well. She wants to know if he’s okay with them getting married in order to save Jeguk Group, but we don’t hear Won’s answer to that.
JoAnne: Do we really need to?
Shuk: [sigh]
cherkell: The Shareholders Meeting is commenced, and a vote is taken. It ends up being 52% in favor of The Peevil, and 44% in favor of KiMadam, with 4% abstaining. So basically Peevil is still in power, and Won retains his CEO position. WOOT!
JoAnne: The shareholders surround KiMadam and force her outside to the courtyard, where they circle around her. She sobs and cries, but the eldest among them rebukes her, saying this: 'You know this is the way of our people. You bargained with your strength, Madam, but you have lost. In order to ensure the success of the new regime, we must remove the weakest link.' Then they stone her to 'death' with symbolic stones of luxury good knock-offs.
cherkell: KiMadam warns the boys that their war is not over, since Peevil has yet to wake up. But au contraire, BabyDad runs up and tells them that Peevil just woke up and they can have the surgery scheduled now. KiMistress, Won and Tan wait and wait and wait, until the surgeons come out and say the surgery was a success. YAY! Oh wait, I mean BOO!
JoAnne: KimBros jump up and down yelling 'Oh SNAP, who's your daddy now, biatch? You done got PLAYED.' Baby Daddy nods his head in time to a rhythm only he can hear, muttering, 'dat's what I'M talkin 'bout' to anyone passing by.
cherkell: Young-do’s gonna try it one more time, and enters his mom’s restaurant so they can have their teary reunion. He calls her eomma over and over and over and I lose my shit seeing them hug and apologize and stuff. *sob*
JoAnne: That's a big boy. I marvelled at that for a moment and then realized that essentially her apology was this: 'Sorry I didn't wait for you that day but I had to go and then I was going to come back but I just never got around to it.' And then I was too mad to feel bad.
Shuk: That was slightly more than Han Tae-sang got when he finally made the move towards his mom, even if was a bit backhanded.
cherkell: Messy Hair hands over his study books to Beany and demands that she and Tan end up like some boring romance movie. She asks Messy if he’s going somewhere… ?
JoAnne: Should we be concerned that his back pocket contains that chalk outline spray and a roll of yellow 'Police Line-Do Not Cross' tape?
cherkell: TempieMom chairs a meeting at her sportswear company, and then calls Tempermental Heir in to give her honest opinion about their next clothing launch. Tempie starts complaining about how cold it is outside, as TempieMom asks her if she wants to go on vacation together. Tempie wants to know why she’s being all attentive so suddenly…?
JoAnne: She had sex on a desk with her True Love so she's feeling generous.
cherkell: Turns out TempieMom noticed Tempie being even more lethargic than normal, but it’s only Tempie sucking down her mom’s sleeping pills because she can’t sleep at all. Fortunately, TempieMom doesn’t go all high-and-mighty on her, but makes sure she seeks professional help instead.
JoAnne: And thus we learn that apparently all mental health visits happen at a neuropsychiatrist's office in a hospital. This would have been useful info during GoM.
cherkell: Tempie does just that and visits a shrink recommended by TempieMom. But waitaminute, who’s that coming out of the doctor’s office? IT’S MESSY! Hi Messy! Tempie gives him the stare-and-glare until they share their reasons for being there. Messy tells Tempie their problems shouldn't make it seem like they’re starring in a high school drama. Oh the meta. *snerk*
JoAnne: He seems a little too cheerful, though. I wonder if he's the body Baksa threw off the roof in the first episode of Heartless City. Quick, anyone: does MUP have a blue star tattoo on his hand?
Shuk: You would think the excessive cheerfulness would be a clue to his friends. Oh, wait, they are clueless.
cherkell: Tempie tells Messy to go off and study before he flunks out, but Messy shares another secret with her – he’s enlisting in the Army. WTF?!? Tempie asks if he’s doing this because of a girl waiting for him, and Messy coyly responds with a non-response.
JoAnne: This is so much better than anything I imagined. And by better I mean WAY more WTF.
cherkell: I'll wait for you, sweetie! Seriously! We have friends in common, remember?
cherkell: And because Tempie couldn’t keep a secret even if she was paid to, we see Tan running through Seoul Station to find Messy amazed that Tan found him before his parents did… he’s enlisting secretly and left behind a note to prove that he CAN make decisions without him! Tannie pulls him into a bear hug which surprises Messy but finally makes him realize what stupid thing he’s just done…
JoAnne: Lies. She's lying. Nothing changes, he's still going. He looks kind of interesting as a normal person, doesn't he? I almost didn't know who he was at first.
Shuk: So all the societal and familial pressure put on him to succeed disappears in a puff of camo? And all the pills he's been taking to cope were really just gummy bears and Flintstone vitamins? [snick] That was the sound of a possible great story thread getting scissored by a gaze-loving pabo writer.
cherkell: I laughed HARD at the costume designer just throwing a beanie over Ha-neul's head to signify he's military-bound without the whole head-shaving thing. That boy needs his hair intact for his next project! (BTW, have you seen his MBC Drama Special? NICE.)
cherkell: Beany and Bean Mom further prove their nicknames, as Bean Mom grinds up some more bean powder. But it’s not for them – she’s sending some off to that worthless sister who finally got a real job and bought a cell phone, which makes Beany get her crabby on and demands to talk to her. Beany will give Sister what-for… and tell her everything is hunky-dory back in Korea and everyone is happy. So there. NEENER.
JoAnne: Without that closure, though...
Shuk: [yawn]
cherkell: Tan breaks up that mother-daughter bonding moment by calling to summon Beany to the hospital now that Peevil has made it through the worst of the surgery. Beany has a “ah geez, why ME?” look, but decides…
JoAnne: this is it? She's had enough? Time for Woobie snuggles?
cherkell: Peevil is calling out KiMadam on her transgressions made while Peevil was off in La La Land. KiMadam admits she wanted more than what Peevil had provided for her while they were married, but Peevil says he’s had enough and will start divorce proceedings immediately, if not sooner. KiMadam is fine with that… even though she won’t have Jeguk Group as a whole, she’ll at least get her fair share eventually.
JoAnne: Why does she not stay stoned to death?
cherkell: "I'm not dead! I'm getting better!!!"
cherkell: Tan and Beany arrive after that little happy discussion, and Beany brings Peevil some books to read while he recovers. Peevil crabs at first, but Beany insists that she still wants him to have a good impression of her. And she’s going to pay back all the money he fronted for Bean Mom’s debts; it will be slowly, so Peevil needs to stay healthy for the next 666 years so every won is paid back in full.
JoAnne: I see what you did there.
cherkell: A cute little vignette of Tan and KiMistress strolling down Nonhyeon-dong, where KiMistress complains about walking so much that her feet have gone numb. Tan gives her the requisite response about her heels, but she says she’ll NEVER give up her heels – she was going to be Miss Korea, remember?
JoAnne: Next up, fanfic about Ki Ae with Lee Son Kyun.
cherkell: Corporate Takeover averted and finals in the books, BabyHeir and BabyDad head off for some fishing to relax… and a few selcas for Stringy Heir, lest she get all nuclear on Baby for not being in touch 24/7. BabyDad expounds on the way of the corporate world and how it’s a jungle out there. Just you wait, Baby… just you wait.
cherkell: Hey there, Won and Tan! What brings you to the Great Outdoors? Baby and Tan sit and watch the water, as Baby attempts to liken the experience to a famous Chinese poet’s work and Tan tells Smart Boy to STFU. Won and BabyDad chat about said father-son bonding ritual, and oh by the way… how did Tannie do on his finals? Tan turns around with a shit-eating grin to announce his 50th place, which freaks the heck out of Won and BabyDad since he didn’t even think there were 50 students at Jeguk!
JoAnne: This was cute in a sea of cuteness. It felt so wrong.
cherkell: Won asks what place BabyHeir is after finals, and BabyDad says it’s getting boring for Baby to always place first that he’s not even asking anymore. That gets Tan all riled up and he chases Baby off somewhere. BabyDad turns to Won and asks if he’s had the chance to tell Tan yet. Won asks if there’s any point… and just go ahead and send out the press release. Aw shit...
JoAnne: Sigh. We know what this means.
cherkell: Tutorina reads the announcement that Won is to be engaged to the cellphone heiress (the deal he made with that beeyotch in order to secure her family’s vote against Peevil’s removal), and she breaks down at the bus stop.
JoAnne: You're such a fuckwad, Wonnie. You couldn't even tell her before the news went out? She had to learn that way? Yes, I know, she always expected it. That does not make one bit of difference.
cherkell: Not knowing that she knows, Won and Tutorina meet up, where she produces the wishbone from their meal. Won refuses to help her and just apologizes his little heart out, so Tutorina makes her wish and breaks the wishbone in her favor. Her wish was for them to break up since they are on opposite sides of the chaebol coin. So all Won needs to do is be happy. And with a feeble wave, she leaves him to wallow in his own misery.
JoAnne: Whatever. You made your bed.
cherkell: And why aren't we lying in it, hmmmmmmm?
Shuk: Do you think he expected a final pickle-tickle before saying,"that was great, but guess what! The company is saved, and now I'm off to bone my fiancee"?
cherkell: When Won returns home, Tan lights into him over why he’s getting married all of a sudden. Won says that they need the extra help that her conglomerate can provide, since that is the Weight Of The Crown That He Must Bear. So sit down and shaddup for once. He’s not going to send Tan to America after all (which was their deal if the Peevil Takeover was denied), but demands he stay in Korea and start taking management lessons to assist Won with running Jeguk. Won says at least his life will be a little less lonely if Tan was around at least. D'aw.
JoAnne: Yeah I'm all tough with my whatevers but that hurt.
Shuk: A brother is no substitute, especially one that you drove away some 17 years, 11 months, and 3 days ago.
cherkell: BadHeir (remember him?) pops back up at the motorcycle shop for a tune-up and not his usual request to install illegal after-market parts on his Ducati. He goes off to look at new helmets as a chicken delivery person arrives with their dinner order. Baddy flashes back to the first time he saw Beany deliver to that same shop, and pulling out the bandage Beany gave him ages ago, puts it over the finger he just sliced up while washing dishes.
JoAnne: THE SYMBOLISM KNOCKED ME OVER.
Shuk: Yes, Youngie, there are women out there that aren't blind idiots taking the safe path. Go get 'em!
cherkell: BabyHeir, Stringy and Ye-sol sit down for a nice friendly game of Magic: The Gathering and ruminate on how boring their lives must be. BabyHeir ends up winning whatever it is and his wish is for a kiss from Stringy. Moving on…
JoAnne: They're cute though, and I started out disliking her. The fact that I don't actively hate her is honestly surprising to me, but they get my vote for Cutest Couple. Have always liked him anyway, since HeartStrings Days.
cherkell: Tannie gets a package from the States containing the journal he was working on while in LA. His professor added a note wanting to know what type of crown he wanted to wear. Obviously the Crown That Wears Crappy Sweaters, right?
Shuk: For realz.
JoAnne: I think that's the school all those terrible Hollywood kids went to, The Buckley School. Paris Hilton comes to mind. Nicole Ritchie. Fucking Kardashians. I wonder if we should watch Viki's US remake of BoF and just word vomit all over the place...
cherkell: Tan takes the wheel and narrates the last portion of this episode by filling everyone in on their lives as if we haven’t wasted the last 19.75 hours watching. To-wit: Won got what he wanted – Jeguk is his to run, but he still has to go through with his marriage to that chaebol bitch. Tannie says he cries a lot now. (As do I watching poor Wonnie in pain. *sob*)
JoAnne: The man cries well. He really does. He should remove his clothes so I can comfort him. With apples. Where is that from? Is that a psalm? Comfort me with apples...it's too fucking early in the morning.
Shuk: [handing JoAnne a cuppa Hi-test, no fruits] I don't understand the crying, but I feel sad. In his future, the conference room is going to be warmer than his own bed, but it was still his decision.
cherkell: Tan reflects upon becoming a senior at school as ThickHeir comes out and snaps some pictures. He and Tempie exchange looks from across the breezeway but go their separate ways. Baby and Stringy tease Tan about the college mock exam coming up soon. BadHeir arrives at school, and he and Tan just walk on by each other, neither of them willing to capitulate to the other. Boys will be boys, but not even a nudge or shoulder smack? Oh the missed opportunities.
JoAnne: I SUPPOSE this is fairly realistic but I wanted my RECONCILIATION dammit. With full body hugs.
cherkell: Beany wants everyone to know that she got a stuffed owl… oh yeah and how painful their life was at 18. Tan joins her in some witty banter (NOT), as Beany asks what exactly was his birthday wish that he never said back at the hotel. Tan says it was to make everyone he knows happy. Yeah, like THAT will ever happen.
JoAnne: Insert some psychobabble about how no one is responsible for anyone else's happiness. Oh wait...that might need to be held for the reunion show in 20 years: Heirs in Rehab
Shuk: That thing is just disturbing and useless. Gloves with cellphone fingertips are much more practical and aren't the size of a toddler.
cherkell: Tan says he wants to throw a party 10 years from now… and doodley doodley doodley it’s 10 years later. BabyHeir is an investigator for the Korea Internet Division, Stringy runs her own business doing something, Messy finally becomes an award-winning filmmaker, Ye-sol apparently turns into an actress, and Tempie runs her mom’s outerwear business now.
JoAnne: Is she an actress? I thought she was an agent. Actress makes way more sense.
cherkell: Baddy is on the phone with Thick, who is calling in from Army camp and whining because the other soldiers are picking on him for enlisting so late (at 29, ya see). He tells Won that he’ll be in charge of some hotel shindig soon, so it looks like Baddy kept the hotel business alive at least. And JoAnne finally gets her wish to see both these hotties together in the same scene. (Cue sound of Jo falling over dead.)
JoAnne: Raises one hand, feebly. Smiles. Passes out again.
Shuk: [snicker] All it took was some 1,155.5 minutes of staring to get there.
cherkell: BabyDaddy escorts Peevil out of his study, as we see KiMadam descend the stairs (wait… what?). KiMistress is aghast that Beany Mom is actually younger than she is (guh), as KiMistress gushes over her son. Or her son’s camera. I’m not sure.
JoAnne: That BITCH. Why did they have to get all 12-steppy and welcome her back into the fold?
cherkell: We finally get a gander at Tannie, wearing a suit made out of the upholstery from a 1972 Chevy Nova, as he walks up the stairs and into his room, where Beany awaits. He plants an overly-chaste kiss on her…
JoAnne: Her, good dress. Him, HOLY FUCKING UPHOLSTERY GODS WHY.
Shuk: OMO! He totally went back in time and stole our couch from our basement, in 1974. And our rug inspired his sweater collection. Should I get royalties?
cherkell: … and we return to real life. Tan and Beany walk down the street holding hands while a gazillion flashbacks to their time over the past year roll by. They play in the snow, and we call it a wrap. Sing us out of there, Changmin! Love is the
moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooment….
JoAnne: I did like that song. I just wasn't brave enough to say it until now. I didn't like it enough to include it in my playlists, but I might go find it and listen.
cherkell: OH MY GOD OUR LONG NATIONAL NIGHTMARE IS OVER!! There’s 20 hours of my life I’ll never get back. I’m sitting here thinking… what was the point of all of this? What were the writers thinking by putting together a high school drama starring a bunch of rich kids? I know I shouldn’t expect any realism – okay, Won’s plight was the most realistic out of all the kids and my heart is still broken over that scene in his study – but at least throw us a bone every now and again, no?
JoAnne: Heh heh she said bone.
cherkell: And what’s with that 10 Years Later Party, huh? Hey Tan – San Jose Airport wants its carpet back when you’re done with that suit! And for KiMadam to even be included in any house-bound festivities… didn’t Peevil divorce her sorry ass after all? And Peevil lived another 10 years in his fragile state? And what about Scarecrow’s Brain? This show just had too many WTFs written all over it… and we are none the wiser for watching.
JoAnne: I beg to differ. We had all that Woobin. We were groovin on the Woobin.
Shuk: The Woobies were a pretty good highlight, I think.
cherkell: NOT ENOUGH Kang Ha-neul for my taste. But with a cast that large, couldn't they have shorted some other character instead? THIS FACE should not be going back to the Korean Musical Stage for another couple of years at least! *sigh*
cherkell: Anywho, compliments to my chingu who braved the long road towards this end. Too bad life suddenly got complicated, because I would have loved to take on the Diva’s new “Pretty Man” and rip it a new one. We will not be suffering for other mediocre dramas, so see you guys again next year!!!
JoAnne: So my overall feeling is nothing has really been added to my life by watching this, but then again, nothing was really subtracted. I wasn't looking for art, or even great tv. Just some pretty, and maybe some sexy, and some stuff that would be fun to snark over. I got all that in spades, so I'm a happy camper. At some point I'll write an alternate version and put it up here. I felt bad during the run only because it was so obviously painful for the three of you, and I alone seemed to be having a blast. Thanks for sticking it out.
Shuk: I didn't love it, so lucky for me if Love is Pain, I'm safe. But I had hoped for the sake of the cast to give them something to work with (see White Christmas), some script to showcase their acting chops, and give us a reason why the Crown was heavy. In the end we had little character development, a few good scenes, one cute couple, and a gorgeous bad-boy-turned-legit. It's like a fresh-off-the-grease Krispy Kreme doughnut, two bites, it melts in your mouth, then gone, and you are left with nothing but a bit of sweetness on the tongue. And watching it and snarking with my unni's was definitely the highlight!
cherkell: DAMMIT. Now I'm craving a Krispy Kreme...
Shuk: There's a production error of a boom mike popping down on one of the scenes. If you can find it, have a shot of soju!
JoAnne: Do we all agree that the production team muted Sex Heir out of concern for us? Because if both Woob and Choi Jin Hyuk had been allowed to be their completely swagtastic sexy sexy Sex God selves...we'd be dead.
cherkell: We have returned to the scene of the rumination, on top of the hotel roof where our two heroes discuss the situation in Pakistan and how it affects the global markets. Oh hell, who am I kidding? All Tannie and Young-do can utter is that it’s cold and dark.
JoAnne: Which made it impossible for me to think of anything but this: Two men are standing on a bridge, peeing into the river. One man says to the other, 'That water sure is cold.' The other nods in agreement and then says with a shiver, 'Deep, too.'
Shuk: They should have retired to a nice warm bright jimjilbang and scrubbed each others' backs.
JoAnne: Because of course that's how it works. Is this the part where we find out that Won and Wifey#2 have been in cahoots all along? I think that was Myung Soo's mom.
Shuk: How is it that every single living thing on this show has some stock in Jeguk with the glaring exception of one person? Peevil would have been ousted long ago if this many people with this much stock hated him to this extent. [confused]
JoAnne: I know how how he can get the women's votes. Probably some of the men's, too.
Shuk: He can get my vote for sure. But he'll have to work hard for it...
cherkell: Yeah, put me down for one too. I should show *some* support somewhere, right?
cherkell: Won, Tan and Baby Daddy wait for the Board of Directors members to arrive… and wait… and wait… until two of the 9 members finally arrive. The ones who are not family members, of course. They pledge their undying loyalty to Peevil, and the boys look relieved.
JoAnne: So are these the only good guys because they are loyal, or are they the worst of the bad guys, for being loyal to that enormous-headed son of a bitch on wheels?
JoAnne: She might persuade me to her side, but only if I can remove her voice box and cut off that stringy pony-tail.
Shuk: TempieMom is playing it cool, for sure.
cherkell: Beany just finds out from Baby Heir that Peevil is in a coma, and that Tan is not by his side like a good illegitimate son should be. Instead, he’s off to foreign lands with Baby Daddy to suck up to the international shareholders in order to tip the balance toward the Peevil Side.
JoAnne: He couldn't make a PHONE CALL?
Shuk: Well, he's no GumiHeir but he might catch a few flies with honey...
JoAnne: It helps if you don't have a soul.
cherkell: Beany opens a present from Tan in his absence – it’s one of those goofy-looking stuffed owls that we see thrown all over Thick Heir’s studio. (I guess they couldn’t afford the licensing fees for a pig-rabbit.) The note attached to the creepy gift warns Beany not to cheat on him while he’s away.
JoAnne: It's not creepy! You heat them up and then put your hands inside. (The warm guts are supposed to be very moisturizing...ok, THAT was creepy.)
bcook: I wants!!
JoAnne: So now they live together?
cherkell: If they did, then Young-do would have to take a shower after dinner. Which I wholeheartedly approve of. Chop-chop!!
JoAnne: No matter who you are that's gotta be horrible to see.
JoAnne: Sure kid, don't forgive. Die of a heart attack in 15 years.
Shuk: I can't blame him too much, but it's gonna fester for sure.
JoAnne: Your sheer joy at this final episode is making you generous.
cherkell: I am nothing but generous around the holidays.
cherkell: Beany wonders why the kids at school are so hell-bent on drawing that damn chalk outline day after day… especially that present day, when Young-do was the one with the spray can in his hands. She asks Tan if he’s ever done that himself.
JoAnne: They're all members of the Early Grave club.
Shuk: Maybe they want to do Jackson Pollock-inspired artwork, only using red. They'll title it "Chaebollllllllllllll [Thump]"
JoAnne: So let's interject some reality here: this woman was desperate to get away, so desperate that she couldn't even wait long enough to say goodbye to her only child, who she then never saw again. And all she does is move neighborhoods? Oh Young Do. Rage on, my boy. Rage on.
JoAnne: I wonder if Peevil will have a personality transplant. bwahahahahahah what am I saying, of course he will.
Shuk: And that will deserve an entire bottle of soju.
cherkell: Tan asks Won how his battle went in Korea while they were away, where he reports the Board of Directors’ resolution was brought up for a vote in the not-too-distant future. And by the way, how about he and Tan move back into Peevil Manor to show their united front?
JoAnne: What do you think? Booze and porn, or popcorn and scary movies?
Shuk: Peeing contests in the snow.
cherkell: Ugly Sweater Contests.
Shuk: We already have a winner on that one!
JoAnne: Boxer briefs don't take up much room, and the Blue Sweater that Ate Cheongdamdong took care of everything else.
JoAnne: Meanwhile in the back room, Young Do is hopping around trying to fit his big feet through the leg of his skinny jeans. He falls against the door and BAM! Tannie knows all.
cherkell: Tan meets with Young-do and tells him that KiMadam initiated the shareholder wars and that IT’S ON. Young-do mutters that mothers always cause trouble, and wants Tan to forgive him for all the grief he’s given Tan about KiMistress. Much more boring small talk ensues.
JoAnne: He also asks Tan for his mom's number and mentions how well she's been holding up, considering. Then he rubs his eyebrow and gives that little smile.
Shuk: Aww, it's nice to know somebody reads my stuff. I need to consider that plot line...
JoAnne: As strangers. She then flips him over onto his back on her desk and hops aboard. Baby Daddy's hair wings flap in the breeze the reunited lovers make.
bcook: whoopie? *nods knowingly* that's what they told us in sex-ed. two people do whoopie when they're in
Shuk: Shakespeare was pretty colorful about it. Read Othello.
JoAnne: Do we really need to?
Shuk: [sigh]
cherkell: The Shareholders Meeting is commenced, and a vote is taken. It ends up being 52% in favor of The Peevil, and 44% in favor of KiMadam, with 4% abstaining. So basically Peevil is still in power, and Won retains his CEO position. WOOT!
JoAnne: The shareholders surround KiMadam and force her outside to the courtyard, where they circle around her. She sobs and cries, but the eldest among them rebukes her, saying this: 'You know this is the way of our people. You bargained with your strength, Madam, but you have lost. In order to ensure the success of the new regime, we must remove the weakest link.' Then they stone her to 'death' with symbolic stones of luxury good knock-offs.
JoAnne: KimBros jump up and down yelling 'Oh SNAP, who's your daddy now, biatch? You done got PLAYED.' Baby Daddy nods his head in time to a rhythm only he can hear, muttering, 'dat's what I'M talkin 'bout' to anyone passing by.
JoAnne: That's a big boy. I marvelled at that for a moment and then realized that essentially her apology was this: 'Sorry I didn't wait for you that day but I had to go and then I was going to come back but I just never got around to it.' And then I was too mad to feel bad.
Shuk: That was slightly more than Han Tae-sang got when he finally made the move towards his mom, even if was a bit backhanded.
JoAnne: Should we be concerned that his back pocket contains that chalk outline spray and a roll of yellow 'Police Line-Do Not Cross' tape?
JoAnne: She had sex on a desk with her True Love so she's feeling generous.
cherkell: Turns out TempieMom noticed Tempie being even more lethargic than normal, but it’s only Tempie sucking down her mom’s sleeping pills because she can’t sleep at all. Fortunately, TempieMom doesn’t go all high-and-mighty on her, but makes sure she seeks professional help instead.
JoAnne: And thus we learn that apparently all mental health visits happen at a neuropsychiatrist's office in a hospital. This would have been useful info during GoM.
JoAnne: He seems a little too cheerful, though. I wonder if he's the body Baksa threw off the roof in the first episode of Heartless City. Quick, anyone: does MUP have a blue star tattoo on his hand?
Shuk: You would think the excessive cheerfulness would be a clue to his friends. Oh, wait, they are clueless.
JoAnne: This is so much better than anything I imagined. And by better I mean WAY more WTF.
cherkell: I'll wait for you, sweetie! Seriously! We have friends in common, remember?
JoAnne: Lies. She's lying. Nothing changes, he's still going. He looks kind of interesting as a normal person, doesn't he? I almost didn't know who he was at first.
Shuk: So all the societal and familial pressure put on him to succeed disappears in a puff of camo? And all the pills he's been taking to cope were really just gummy bears and Flintstone vitamins? [snick] That was the sound of a possible great story thread getting scissored by a gaze-loving pabo writer.
cherkell: I laughed HARD at the costume designer just throwing a beanie over Ha-neul's head to signify he's military-bound without the whole head-shaving thing. That boy needs his hair intact for his next project! (BTW, have you seen his MBC Drama Special? NICE.)
JoAnne: Without that closure, though...
Shuk: [yawn]
JoAnne: this is it? She's had enough? Time for Woobie snuggles?
cherkell: Peevil is calling out KiMadam on her transgressions made while Peevil was off in La La Land. KiMadam admits she wanted more than what Peevil had provided for her while they were married, but Peevil says he’s had enough and will start divorce proceedings immediately, if not sooner. KiMadam is fine with that… even though she won’t have Jeguk Group as a whole, she’ll at least get her fair share eventually.
JoAnne: Why does she not stay stoned to death?
cherkell: "I'm not dead! I'm getting better!!!"
JoAnne: I see what you did there.
JoAnne: Next up, fanfic about Ki Ae with Lee Son Kyun.
cherkell: Corporate Takeover averted and finals in the books, BabyHeir and BabyDad head off for some fishing to relax… and a few selcas for Stringy Heir, lest she get all nuclear on Baby for not being in touch 24/7. BabyDad expounds on the way of the corporate world and how it’s a jungle out there. Just you wait, Baby… just you wait.
JoAnne: This was cute in a sea of cuteness. It felt so wrong.
cherkell: Won asks what place BabyHeir is after finals, and BabyDad says it’s getting boring for Baby to always place first that he’s not even asking anymore. That gets Tan all riled up and he chases Baby off somewhere. BabyDad turns to Won and asks if he’s had the chance to tell Tan yet. Won asks if there’s any point… and just go ahead and send out the press release. Aw shit...JoAnne: Sigh. We know what this means.
cherkell: Tutorina reads the announcement that Won is to be engaged to the cellphone heiress (the deal he made with that beeyotch in order to secure her family’s vote against Peevil’s removal), and she breaks down at the bus stop.
JoAnne: You're such a fuckwad, Wonnie. You couldn't even tell her before the news went out? She had to learn that way? Yes, I know, she always expected it. That does not make one bit of difference.
JoAnne: Whatever. You made your bed.
cherkell: And why aren't we lying in it, hmmmmmmm?
Shuk: Do you think he expected a final pickle-tickle before saying,"that was great, but guess what! The company is saved, and now I'm off to bone my fiancee"?
JoAnne: Yeah I'm all tough with my whatevers but that hurt.
Shuk: A brother is no substitute, especially one that you drove away some 17 years, 11 months, and 3 days ago.
JoAnne: THE SYMBOLISM KNOCKED ME OVER.
Shuk: Yes, Youngie, there are women out there that aren't blind idiots taking the safe path. Go get 'em!
JoAnne: They're cute though, and I started out disliking her. The fact that I don't actively hate her is honestly surprising to me, but they get my vote for Cutest Couple. Have always liked him anyway, since HeartStrings Days.
Shuk: For realz.
JoAnne: I think that's the school all those terrible Hollywood kids went to, The Buckley School. Paris Hilton comes to mind. Nicole Ritchie. Fucking Kardashians. I wonder if we should watch Viki's US remake of BoF and just word vomit all over the place...
JoAnne: The man cries well. He really does. He should remove his clothes so I can comfort him. With apples. Where is that from? Is that a psalm? Comfort me with apples...it's too fucking early in the morning.
Shuk: [handing JoAnne a cuppa Hi-test, no fruits] I don't understand the crying, but I feel sad. In his future, the conference room is going to be warmer than his own bed, but it was still his decision.
JoAnne: I SUPPOSE this is fairly realistic but I wanted my RECONCILIATION dammit. With full body hugs.
JoAnne: Insert some psychobabble about how no one is responsible for anyone else's happiness. Oh wait...that might need to be held for the reunion show in 20 years: Heirs in Rehab
Shuk: That thing is just disturbing and useless. Gloves with cellphone fingertips are much more practical and aren't the size of a toddler.
JoAnne: Is she an actress? I thought she was an agent. Actress makes way more sense.
JoAnne: Raises one hand, feebly. Smiles. Passes out again.
Shuk: [snicker] All it took was some 1,155.5 minutes of staring to get there.
JoAnne: That BITCH. Why did they have to get all 12-steppy and welcome her back into the fold?
JoAnne: Her, good dress. Him, HOLY FUCKING UPHOLSTERY GODS WHY.
JoAnne: I did like that song. I just wasn't brave enough to say it until now. I didn't like it enough to include it in my playlists, but I might go find it and listen.
FINAL THOUGHTS
cherkell: OH MY GOD OUR LONG NATIONAL NIGHTMARE IS OVER!! There’s 20 hours of my life I’ll never get back. I’m sitting here thinking… what was the point of all of this? What were the writers thinking by putting together a high school drama starring a bunch of rich kids? I know I shouldn’t expect any realism – okay, Won’s plight was the most realistic out of all the kids and my heart is still broken over that scene in his study – but at least throw us a bone every now and again, no?
JoAnne: Heh heh she said bone.
JoAnne: I beg to differ. We had all that Woobin. We were groovin on the Woobin.
Shuk: The Woobies were a pretty good highlight, I think.
cherkell: NOT ENOUGH Kang Ha-neul for my taste. But with a cast that large, couldn't they have shorted some other character instead? THIS FACE should not be going back to the Korean Musical Stage for another couple of years at least! *sigh*
JoAnne: So my overall feeling is nothing has really been added to my life by watching this, but then again, nothing was really subtracted. I wasn't looking for art, or even great tv. Just some pretty, and maybe some sexy, and some stuff that would be fun to snark over. I got all that in spades, so I'm a happy camper. At some point I'll write an alternate version and put it up here. I felt bad during the run only because it was so obviously painful for the three of you, and I alone seemed to be having a blast. Thanks for sticking it out.
Shuk: I didn't love it, so lucky for me if Love is Pain, I'm safe. But I had hoped for the sake of the cast to give them something to work with (see White Christmas), some script to showcase their acting chops, and give us a reason why the Crown was heavy. In the end we had little character development, a few good scenes, one cute couple, and a gorgeous bad-boy-turned-legit. It's like a fresh-off-the-grease Krispy Kreme doughnut, two bites, it melts in your mouth, then gone, and you are left with nothing but a bit of sweetness on the tongue. And watching it and snarking with my unni's was definitely the highlight!
cherkell: DAMMIT. Now I'm craving a Krispy Kreme...
