Ice Fantasy Destiny 幻城凡世 - Episode 1 (Recap)

SakiVI: Wonder of wonders, Kashuo isn't totally annoying in this first episode. He even has some testosterone. Reincarnating over time and galaxies clearly did him some good.
kakashi: I laughed my way through this first episode. It's really, really funny! They're pulling their own leg so hard it might fall off. 
JoAnne: Is his wig a little bit different? Maybe that was all I needed. *wiggles fingers hello at pretty Dreamer in the background*

Episode 1

We start off looking at the stars and hearing that various things in space are normal, including Pluto, Hardee (sorry, I don't know Hardee either), and the trajectory. The trajector machine gets ready, counting down T1 T2 T3 T4 T5 and then a disjunction machine is ready. Anyone know what all of this about? It sounds like Ice Fantasy's insane Granny put herself into space talk.
Is Hardee Hardons brother?
Nope. Harhar's. 
Ooh, a space ship! And a hello from the Chinese to Houston and a nihao back! Sidebar, this satellite is okay, but choochoo trains and unicorns are way better.
This show is very international. 
What the hell is wrong with that planet? Is that Earth?
Oh, they are taking pictures of the planet Pluto. Pluto isn't a planet anymore. I guess they didn't get the memo. (Actually, there is still an argument that it is. It even has an Endless Sea. See the link below.) The spaceship sends out other little spaceships, and then, a strange occurrence! We know it's strange because the voices tell us three times! It's a blaze of red fire from Pluto's surface. Yan Da, is that you?  
Phoenix! It's Phoenix! Our favorite character! Okay, bad joke. I have no clue what it could be.
Someone has a bad case of interplanetary gas.
The red fire shoots forth all the way to our earth, where it aims for the North American continent and what looks like the Grand Canyon or, perhaps some mountain range. It’s quite magnificent, whatever it is, all red rock and blue sky. And against one of the red cliffs, we see a man climbing up it like he’s a goat, no rope thingies to hold him up, or pickaxes or whatever it is rock climbers should use for safety. (First thought in my mind is: "Dumbass."  
Mine too. Second: this looks like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible Something)
I'm just wondering whether the actor is thinking, 'Please zoom in on my ass, please zoom in on my ass' or 'Please don't zoom in on my ass, please don't.'
As he climbs, he stops for a rest, three guesses who it is!
Kasuo! Except, it’s not actually Kasuo, it’s Feng Suo. Got that? No? Don’t worry, you might get it later on.
He looks good. Almost sexy. Oups, did I really say this?
No man is sexy with the arms of an eight year old girl. Sorry. I'm going with NO ONE gets any this show, either. And yes, I was lying.  I'm not sorry at all.
Feng Suo seems pretty pleased with himself, even though he’s doing something really really really dumb, and he powders his sweaty hands and powers on. He jumps for a hold, and misses. Pfft. He is literally hanging on with his fingertips. That’s what you get for being foolish, Feng Suo! He hoists himself up, and then we see this amazing view of the valley and the cliffs and then we see the red fire ball coming past the stars and into the atmosphere and then into Feng Suo’s head. Wrong Ice Bro, Yan Da, wrong Ice Bro.
Ohhh, but maybe it's Shi, the red light?! Ohhhhhh, or Kasuo's own energy? No? Anyway, I thought he'd die. It's a long way down.
Dude, it would be more entertaining if you were just addicted to sex or something.
Feng Suo falls back into the gorge in slow motion like he’s in a deep sleep. While he’s in his deep sleep, images of him and a lady in various historical costumes. (Honestly, those particular shows look good! Can I get one of them?)
He fell forever and he remembered a lot of lives. 
I wonder if he was stupid in all of them.  Hahahahahah, why do I even bother asking?
Next scene: Feng Suo opens his blue eyes. Oh, he’s in the Snowblade City palace!
This is when it started to get hilarious.
Thank you for clearing that up.
He gets off his throne and walks through an empty court to an ice mirror. He's turned into Kasuo and he is thrilled! "So handsome," he squees. Welp, two women and one man went crazy for you, so maybe, yeah, you're not bad. And then he tries some disco dance movesto test his body out because he thinks he is inside of a game. Best part is when he notes his floppy pointy ears. However, when he calls out to the developers to free him, nothing. They don't respond.
Best scenes in all of Ice Fantasy ever.
There's not a lot of competition, but...grudgingly, I'll admit that this was funny.
Uh oh, someone that others in this blog love to death shows up: Dreamer! Squeeeeee. Oh thank God. He's been waiting 10,000 years for his king, Kasuo, to return. Awwwwwwwww, twu wuv. Immediately running through my head: And I would wait ten thousand years and I would wait ten thousand more (da da DA da, da da DA da) He tells us how Yong King Shi turned himself into a Snow Bird that repeatedly crashes in the Ice Wall just to save Kasuo. Crazy, I know. And I think I speak for all Shi-Yan Da shippers when I say, why, Shi, why? You could've been having little Ice-Fire-Flame babies and living happily ruling the three realms, but no, you had to turn into a self-destructive Snow Bird.
Destiny, Saki. Destiny.
Also, no one ever accused anyone in this drama of being super-intelligent. Although my Dreamer isn't bad.
Dreamer tells Feng Suo as Kasuo that when Dreamer had woken up, the whole fantasy world had fallen. Hmm, I don't recall that bit but okay. He says that the Ice Tribe was sealed off and that when he checked things out with his magic cube, his got some power waves telling him that this whole world was now in another universe, and the lands of the Fire and Ice Tribes turned into Mars and Pluto, respectively (guess that red light wasn't Yan Da, then). Feng Suo as Kasuo, however, is now on Earth.
Oh, that's so clever. Icelings are from Pluto, Firelings are from Mars. Together, they're extraterrestrials. It all makes sense now!
I thought that was a big eyeball.
Feng Suo as Kasuo, however, still thinks he's in some sort of virtual reality game and thinks Dreamer has an amazingly good script. He admires the scenery, saying the color combination really has the feel, yunno? Then, he turns steely and tells Dreamer, how much do you want to get me out of here, which company are you with, and don't you dare step into my dream so easily. Dreamer is shocked, and says, oh you remember my skill? And Feng Suo as Kasuo tells him to stop acting. Apparently, in March 2020, Feng Suo's company, Ge Ning Corporation, will release its fancy Into Dream technology, and Feng Suo knows rivals are trying to steal the information. And he's impressed Dreamer has made his way in, but Feng Suo says he just has to push a little harder, and the dream will fall apart.
Dreamer just stares at him as if he'd gone insane, which he probably has, all things considered. This set-up is clever. 
Oh so this is basically industrial espionage, of a sort? Or so Mr. Chicken Legs thinks? Mr. Teeny Thighs? Mr. Whispy?
To prove his point, Feng Suo as Kasuo says he will break the pillar over there, that really sold-looking one, and the whole dream will fall apart! He hits the pillar and hurts himself, pfft. His agony goes on for a bit, and he demands to know what technology Dreamer used to make the material so hard. Dreamer insists everything there is real, and Feng Suo demands the technology again, even offering Dreamer a job, ha!
I'd employ him too! He is loyal and capable.
And smart and cute.
But not so funny is when he grabs Dreamer's shoulders and starts freezing him to death. Honestly, I'm surprised Dreamer didn't freeze all this time before living in a deserted Snowblade City, or so it looks, but yeah, that shoulder freeze looks painful.
Ah, they never wore coats and hats, remember? Maybe it's warm snow or something.
Warm snow is water, Kakashi.
After several seconds, Feng Suo as Kasuo lets go, and Dreamer has to explain that Kasuo is the leader of the Ice Fantasy world and has this special power. Feng Suo is all, I just raise my hand? He points his fingers and makes icicle flowers. Woooooah!Feng Suo is all excited, especially when he find out what he knows is even more powerful. He sends icicles everywhere in the court and is so happy because now he’ll be rich, rich, rich! As he offers Dreamer a job, the Black Smoke, Darn it! slithers through, forming knives, stabbing Kasuo and waking Feng Suo up in our world at the side of a stream.
The black smoke looks different! Far less spermy.
It takes a while to recover, I guess. Ugh, what has my life come to? No, seriously, I'm asking.
Feng Suo is totally puzzled. He sees a crack on the stream bed which is where he fell, checks his neck and back and see’s he’s fine. Then, as he cups water into his hands from the stream, it freezes. (Dude, think of the wildlife! They don’t need you freezing their home!) Amazed, Feng Suo watches the stream freeze, and the ices crack.
I like this Feng Suo 10000 times better than I liked Kasuo. He gets things done!
Yep. Very useful skills, falling off mountains and making ice cubes. We've got a party trick AND a way to keep the drinks cold. Woo hoo!
Next we see him looking at ice in a glass. He’s in a doctor’s office. The doctor is pressing techie-looking buttons on a techie-looking screen. The doctor turns to Feng Suo and says, Mr. Feng, you’re fine. Feng Suo, in a charming Hong Kong-style English accent (I know William Feng is from Shanghai but he’s reminding me of the way Hong Kong students spoke English way back in my student days and it’s lovely), says but I really touched water and turned it into ice! The doctor doesn’t believe him, but Feng Suo says, yes, I’m different, yes, yes, yes, hmmm? And the doctor says you seem a bit stressed. Personally, I’d say a fall of hundreds, if not thousands, of feet would probably do that to a person, even if they miraculously escaped without any bones broken.
Funny, funny, funny.
So you mean to tell me some doctor heard that story and there's still no one in the room armed with a straight jacket or at least some horse tranq?
Now Feng Suo is skeptical, saying pressure wouldn’t make him turn water into ice. He realizes the doctor doesn’t believe him and he sticks his finger into the doctor’s cup of water, all the while staring down the doctor like he’s so cool or something. Pffft, nothing happens. Feng Suo contorts his face and looks like he’s got a tough poop coming as he tries to force freeze the water. He even starts some kung-fu-style moves and shoots his hands like they’re guns. The doctor is trying not to laugh. The doctor is us. We are the doctor.  Hmm...As Feng Suo spills water and goes really red in the face, the doctor offers him some xanax.
I bet you Feng Shaofeng had loads of fun filming this. By the way, have you guys seen Young Detective Dee with Mark Chao and Feng Shaofeng?
I have, and I did not notice Feng Shaofeng at all in it.
I have not, not yet.
Is he making 'pew, pew' noises? 
Feng Suo is still trying to force the water into ice by sheer will alone when his watch goes off and a hologram of his assistant - is that Luna? - appears. She tells him the Into Dream Launch event is ready. Sidebar: Even though this hologram thing is supposed to be cool, I like conversations to be private.
It IS Luna! Should we turn this into a drinking game? We recognize someone, we drink!
I'm already drunk, though. It was the only way I could do this.
So, Feng Suo heads back to China. Arriving at the same time is popular actress and Victoria Song-replacement, Luo Luo. Her fans are all cheering her on. Because of her, or perhaps because no one genuinely cares, Feng Suo just walks right past and no one notices.
She's a sad replacement. Doesn't work for me and I still don't understand where Victoria is. And trippy suit, Feng Suo.
Victoria literally vomited at the thought of being touched by Kasuo again.
Next we see Feng Suo telling himself, calm down, calm down, calm down, calm down, calm down, and inhaling when he’s announced as the CEO of Ge Ning Corporation. Out he goes onto the stage. His perm is in full bloom as he tells the audience about his virtual reality thingamajig that lets you go into your dreams and act in them. Or maybe it’s putting scenarios you like into your dreams. Otherwise known as lucid dreaming? A thing you could teach yourself at no expense? At any rate, there’s this data transfer between dreams and digital stuff. Feng Suo is using a Dream Watch on someone who is surprisingly asleep on a stage in front of people who made a massive racket while clapping. So, there’s a Dream Watch and then a Dream Cloud that gathers the dreams, and a Dream Key, which looks like a vial of poison but is some sort of crystal, and which converts the codes from the Dream Cloud into images. And we see the sleeper dreams of lots of sexy girls because he’s totally not original.
Why would you want anybody to see your dreams?! 
I don't know that this is for sharing your dreams, necessarily, as much as it is controlling your own dreams to experience specific things. A virtual reality experience as you sleep? I can see where this could have therapeutic application, you know where they try to desensitize people to certain situations or things.
Elsewhere, we have a sleeping Miss Chen - in heels! - in a Dreamwatcher machine that looks like an MRI. Oh, I spy Luna! She’s now Feng Suo’s assistant, Qiao Qiao. Okay, so Feng Suo talks to the sleeping Miss Chen and she responds. Hmm, is she really asleep? Again, the circumstances are not at all conducive towards sleeping. In her dream, we see Miss Chen has become a superhero - in heels! - walking up the side of a skyscraper. She sees men hassling a girl and goes to rescue her. But she apparently left the projecting area which makes no sense whatsoever since it was all on the screen. In the meantime, Miss Chen has a seizure, and then wakes up. Qiao Qiao helps her up. Then Feng Suo natters on about his Dream World technology which is basically turning your dreams into virtual reality games, I guess, and the event ends.
Two things: Feng Suo is quite nervous throughout all of this (he is a bit cute because of it) and there is a lot of alarm when the high-heel woman "leaves" the area. I don't think this makes a lot of sense but let's see . Maybe his technology is faulty and he knows it.
Well she did have a seizure, and I'm guessing the two things are connected somehow.
Later, as Feng Suo is being all CEO-ish, Qiao Qiao tells him that the celebrity, Luo Luo, whom Feng Suo wants for the CFs for the dream games, has a press conference the next day, and that her manager is Qin Chu of Da Qin Corporation. They’ve been invited too.
Drink up!
Glug, glug.
Cut to the party at the press conference. It’s at an estate with cocktails and snacks on sticks and is all totally posh. I don't think food on sticks is posh, though? There’s also a hot air balloon, yunno, just hanging. Oh, it’s because Luo Luo’s new single is called Let Me Fly High. Okay, if you must. Qiao Qiao fangirls over Luo Luo as cool and elegant yet cute and innocent and says, "I like her so much." Feng Suo side eyes her, pffft.
Luna is cute.
Luna IS cute, yes. Feng Suo looks constipated.
We also see Chao Ya and some other guy who might or might not have been in Ice Fantasy (I didn’t recognize him - me neither!!! And I didn't even recognize who she is).
Chao Ya is recognizable and that guy is familiar, sort of. Maybe he was an Obstacle that died fast.
They are not too impressed with Qin Chu when he comes on the stage. We soon see why since he gets pretty smarmy and looks at Luo Luo with rather icky lovestruck eyes that are no fun for the uninterested Luo Luo. He gets Luo Luo into the balloon and basically tells everyone he is proposing (he’s talking to her but it’s into a microphone). She tells him no, and he starts the balloon. Ugh. Oh, and Feng Suo looks concerned. So do Qiao Qiao and the Chao Ya reincarnation.
Way not to do it, man.
Suuuuuper awkward ride.
Up in the balloon, Qin Chu insists he’s not joking and just gets creepier. He tells Luo Luo not to judge him by his looks and can’t understand why she is frightened. Oh crikey, he gets even creepier because they’re on this hot air balloon, she’s basically kidnapped, and he’s saying he wants to show his love for her in front of everyone. Oh, and from down below, everyone can see Luo Luo struggling.
Where's the operator? Hot air balloons require licensed operators. I miss Trot!  She would rant about this for a full paragraph and tell us where we could find a license operation that has a good safety record!
And then, she jumps.
We didn't recognize anyone new but I took a swig anyway.
He's not ugly here


This was pretty funny! Unfortunately, no Shi or Yan Da as yet, but at least the others were tolerable, even Dreamer. In fact, I felt a bit sorry for him, all trapped in a freezing Snowblade City, though I also think that's his own fault for always going there, and not governing his own tribe. Luo Luo is not really doing much for me as a Li Luo substitute, and I suspect it's because I don't care much for this actress. Maybe she'll grow on me later - if I notice her. And Qin Chu: creepy!
Breezy, funny, crazy ... I really liked this. Thank you, WS, for taking care of the subs!! 
So breezy people fall from the sky! and yes, to the mysterious WS, friend of Saki - I hear you are doing this all by yourself? What a task! I hope you get lots of love from everyone!
She gets love from meeeeeeee.